Kneeling before Him...
Creative Commons License.
Cunning Linguists Journals
Yes Master BDSM Bedtime Stories Toplist
BDSM is Love
danae Within Reality
Daze Reader Sex News Blog
ErosBlog: The Sex Blog
Gloria's Oversexed Mind
Mistress Matisse's Journal
my scratching post
Friday, April 07, 2006
I wrote this last night, but got too tired to post it before I went to bed. Sorry it has taken so long.
Whew. I have finally come up for air. I have been so busy working on a project these last few days that I have barely had time to think, let alone write. Mac frowned at me this morning and asked if I planned on writing a new blog before the next Olympics. So I guess that means it has been too long and I should really get something up today. Right now I have some time to myself, and I am not sure when my next chance will be, so this will have to do.
There was an excellent point raised in comments on the last post. Hope asked if Mac's thoughts are moving in the direction of him being a dominant now. This led Mac and I into a discussion about dominance. Does He think of himself as a Dominant now?
These are not Mac's exact words, but more my interpretation of what He had to say. If I misrepresent Mac, you can be sure He will be first to smack me for it, so I will do my best to stay true to what He said.
Mac does not think He has suddenly become "a Dom". He has just realised what it should be to be "Sarah's Male." It is natural for us. Everything that He has done has been because He thought I needed it, not wanted, but needed it. He feels that the fact that it has given us both such unbelievable pleasure is great, but it is just a bonus, not the reason.
Mac has never been big on labels. He doesn't see me as "a submissive". He says that I am submissive, vulnerable and needing His protection and ownership, but not a submissive. And He might be dominant in our relationship, but He isn't a Dominant. Actually, what I call Dominance and submission, Mac has always referred to as Masculine and feminine.
I guess that is why we have both always said that D/s is not what we do, it is who we are.
There was another comment by tyranni about the loss of the dark fantasies when giving up orgasms to someone else. As I said in the last post, this was something that bothered Mac. He didn't want me to lose that escape into the world of fantasy. Mac came up with a solution that has worked rather well so far.
A couple of days ago Mac told me that I was to come as many times as I liked, thinking about whatever I liked, so long as I emailed Him about it afterwards. He said that He didn't mind how dark my fantasies were, or if they involved other men, because they were still Mac's orgasms as He was allowing them. By writing to Him afterwards, I was sharing them with Him. I spent over an hour enjoying a dark and nasty little scene. I came many times. Then I showered and came once more. After I had gotten dressed I wrote to Mac telling Him every tiny detail that I remembered. He rang me from work when He got the email to tell me how much He adored my sexuality and that night He showed me just how much my lusts turn Him on.
So I have been able to keep the fantasies as well as keeping Mac's control over me. It is the best way for us. For now, at least.
Mac is going away next week, so it will be interesting to see how these new rules work for us while He is gone.