Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, April 10, 2006
Mac is gone. Well not permanently, but for the next few days He is going to be in Hong Kong. He left last night. I miss Him already.
I have never been a great one for sleeping alone. Even as a child I thought of sleep as a social event. I would climb into bed with my mum and dad until they said I was too old to sleep with them. When my dad started sending me back to my room, I started sleeping in my sister's bed. I kept doing that until we got bunks and my sister slept on the top bed. No way in hell was I risking getting kicked out from up there.
So then I would take a teddy bear to bed, the biggest one I owned. That bear was my sleeping company. He filled half of my bed and I would wrap myself around him and pretend it was a man that I was sharing my bed with. I was possibly 4, maybe 5 years old.
I thought that I would grow out of this need to be kept company in bed, but even now I dread going to bed alone. I put it off for as long as I can and when I do finally get into bed, I put pillows all along side of me so it feels a little like someone else is there. I talk to the baby until I fall asleep. I do the same when Mac is at work and I am napping during the day. I really hate sleeping alone.
There were tears when Mac left last night. My tears, not His. I think the hardest part is saying goodbye knowing it will be days before you really get to say hello again. I was doing fine, smiling, kissing Him, holding Him, then He bent down and kissed our little baby bump and said goodbye and told the baby to help me take care of us for Him while He is gone. I cried then. Mac kissed my tears and left.
The days before Mac goes away are usually filled with sex. I have a need to empty His balls and keep them empty. It is possibly because I don't want Him to desire anyone else while He is gone. I just want Him to want me. Mac often says that He doesn't get horny, He gets Sarah-horny and no one else could satisfy Him. I like that He can be horny just for me.
It is not unusual, in the days before He leaves, for Him to find me naked and sprawled across the bed with my legs parted and my lips spread, my fingers already wet. And it is not unusual in those days, for Him to drop everything He is doing or has planned and join me with out complaint. He was late for work Thursday and Friday. One day He even ended up dressing twice. It is almost like we have to make up for time that will be lost while He is away.
Yesterday, all day, we were pretty insatiable, and the more sex we had, the more we seemed to need. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. When we were not actually having sex, we were curled up around each other kissing and murmuring and touching, waiting to be ready again. We were even touching each other while we ate.
And after two showers, I can still smell Him on me. I am going to miss that smell when it is gone.
Like everything else I am going to miss.
Still He will be home on Good Friday.
I am sure it will be a very good Friday for me.