Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, April 17, 2006
Well, Easter is over for another year and everyone has gone home. It's quiet around here now. It's funny how you can crave the quiet and struggle with the need to be alone, only to discover it is too quiet and lonely when everyone has gone.
I am having one of 'those days'.
The new rules between Mac and I did not work while He was away. I still felt awfully alone. I really don't think there is ever going to be anything we can do to lessen what I feel while we are apart. It seems to be a part of me that I need the companionship everyday. I need contact, I need interaction and I need to be able to please Him always, all ways. I need it to stay connected to Him. Without it, I retreat. I just can't stay open. I can't do it. I think that is something we just have to realise is always going to be there.
Right now I am still feeling a certain amount of withdrawal. We have had a few conflicts, a little frustration on my part, which is keeping us apart. Half the time I want to suck Him to orgasm, the other half the time I could just smack Him for being such a smug smartass. And I can't seem to make up my mind which way I am feeling for more than a minute or two.
Mac isn't stupid, He sees that something is wrong, but He has no clue what it is or how to make it go away. He has given me lots of orgasms, spent lots of time talking with me, and tried teasing me out of my mood, but everything just makes me want to scream. (And smack Him some more.) So mostly He shrugs and lets me work my way through it, taking what He wants when He wants it and letting me deal with the rest. There doesn't seem to be anything else He can do.
I am sure it will pass, as moods do pass and everything will be fine again soon.
While it is passing, my mind is bombarded with images of a girl kneeling and looking up at her Master hungrily while he marks her cheeks and lips with pre-cum from his cock. I keep wondering what will happen next between them. Will he love her or will he punish her for being such a greedy little slut? Does he love her or is she just an amusement to pass the time? A sex slave? Or his most prized possession that he could never be parted from? I can't see beyond him marking her and it is making the frustration so much worse.
Sighs. It is one of 'those days' for sure.