Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, September 18, 2006
I am still here, still plodding around and remarkably still painting. While my passion for writing has diminished through this pregnancy, my love of painting has engulfed me. I can lose myself in a painting for hours at a time. I find it quite sensuous to play with the light and shade and create something that makes people stop and take in. A friend hung one of my latest paintings in the reception of her office. She rang today because the receptionist told her that there have been many positive comments from clients and the receptionist says it makes her feel good too. It's very rare I get feedback like that with the exception of family. I admit to feeling very proud.
I am not sure where I have the room to feel proud at the moment. While I am still not feeling fat, I do feel very full. If I eat more than a sandwich worth of food at a time I have trouble digesting it. It often feels as though little feet have gotten themselves tangled up in my ribs and those little feet can actually hurt when they get going in there. I keep telling bump that we are ready when he/she is, but so far bump is holding back. The doctor says everything is just right to go, bump seems to know what he/she is doing in relation to the whole birth process, so it is just simply a matter of time. I go to bed each night wondering if tomorrow will be the day.
Mac has been spending as much time as He can at home with me, still working but running as much of the show as He can by email and phone. He doesn't like to leave me alone even though I keep telling Him that I am just having a baby and I am sure this first one is not going to fall out while He is at the office. I have explained to Him that it is nothing like in the movies where your waters break and three pushes later you have a very clean baby without even mussing up your hair (though really, if it happens just like that I promise I won't complain). But Mac thinks it is best if He just stays near me. I don't mind. We have had some of the best conversations and spent a lot of time just being close to each other, even while we are doing seperate things. It has been good for us as a couple as well as us as parents-to-be.
Yesterday I had been a smartass for about the 15th time in a three hour period when Mac stomped off to the bedroom and came back to me with the cuffs. He told me to put my hands behind my back and after another smart ass reply, I complied. When my hands were securely held He grabbed my hair and pulled my head back and He licked and kissed and sucked and bit at my neck until my knees buckled. My hands struggled for release. I needed to grab Him. I needed to hang onto Him. I needed to dig my nails into His arms so He could never be free of me. I struggled for what felt like a very long time. Then I begged for Him to let me go. I pleaded. Mac sucked on my earlobe, then whispered in my ear.
"I own you." He said. "You belong to me."
I agreed with Him, told Him I was His and when He undid the cuffs, I ravished Him.
I almost raped the poor man. Good job He didn't say no because I was not going to stop, no matter what.
Afterwards, while we were still trying to catch our breath, Mac said that I should be careful being such a smartass because I got what a smartass deserves. I grinned and said I was sure not to be a smartass again if I was going to be given raw, loud, messy, passionate sex every time I did. Mac nodded solemnly.
He has not gotten a non-smartass reply from me since then.
I am very much in love with our life and with Him.