Kneeling before Him...
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Saturday, October 21, 2006
We were shopping this morning, the three of us, our family. Sarah Jane was fussing, so Mac picked her up and talked to her. If I had held her, her fussing would have turned to instant demands for food. She loves her Daddy. She watches Him with pure adoration. She tries so very hard to mimic Him when He talks to her. He can keep her amused much longer than anyone else can, even when she is hungry. He coos and gahs at her, tells her she is a beautiful princess and that He loves her very much. She laps it all up. Even this little, she knows when she is being loved.
I saw people smile as they watched Him with her. He holds her so easily now, so comfortably. He was a little awkward with her at first, afraid He might drop her or that she might break, but I told Him that He should hold her like a rugby ball. He has been confident with her since then. I have never known anything to be so precious to Him.
We found a cafe and when I was comfortable, Mac gave Sarah Jane to me. She started to cry instantly and was instantly soothed by attaching herself to my nipple. Mac ordered me some juice and watched us while He drank coffee. We didn't say much, we just relaxed together, the three of us.
People told me that when you have a baby, time speeds up. Days and weeks fly past with barely any memory that they were there, and I guess in a way that is true. But to me it feels more like we have slowed down instead of time going faster. Every thing I do with Sarah Jane takes longer than it did before, shopping, getting ready to go somewhere, eating, sleeping, washing, cooking, whatever it is. Sarah Jane has her own timetable and nothing I do can be rushed so I have learned not to rush it. It all eventually gets done.
So we sat in that cafe for as long as it took to feed Sarah Jane. No rush, no hurry, no desire to race into this store just to grab something quick. Mac and I slowed down to Sarah Jane's pace and sitting there feeding my child, well, there was nothing more important that I could have been doing, so I enjoyed every second of it. I can't remember why I used to be in such a hurry.
Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. Mac and I are going out to dinner, without Sarah Jane. It will be my first time going out without her since she was conceived. I will feed her before we go and I expect that she will not need feeding again until we are home but I have expressed off some milk for her in case. We will only be gone a few hours. She will probably sleep the whole time we are gone. I just know that I will feel a little strange without her. I guess Mac is not the only one that has fallen completely in love.
I was a little scared that I loved Mac so much there wouldn't be enough love left over for a baby.
I didn't realise that she would make more love in me for them both.