Kneeling before Him...
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Saturday, November 11, 2006
I thought that becoming a mother might conflict with my submission. That to have another person totally reliant on you 24 hours a day might force me to push my submissive nature aside and become more independent and not need Mac anymore. I have found that nothing could be further from the truth.
Every day I find myself submitting more to Mac, giving more to Him. We function even better as this new family.
And while some men might find this prospect daunting, to have a woman and child depend on you, and while some of you may judge me to be wrong in what I feel, Mac doesn't. He finds it very appealing. He says that it brings out the best in Him. A side of Him that He wasn't sure was there, but He is very proud of.
We are His girls, His clan, His group, His family and He will protect us and provide for us the very best He can. He may not always give us what we want, but He will always strive to make sure we are never in need.
The only one that has a reason to complain about who I am keeps telling me that the only way He wishes me to change is to become more me. He says I am utterly beautiful and that I please Him in every single way.
I guess you could say that Sarah Jane (and yes, we do all call her Sarah Jane and not SJ, it just turned out that way) has settled Mac and I into a new routine. Things were bound to change with Sarah Jane in our lives and although I am one for avoiding change, I am finding this quietly pleasant.
I still try and greet Mac by kneeling in the entryway when He arrives home from work, so long as Sarah Jane is not filling her tummy at that time. We both agree that it sets a peaceful tone for our evening so whenever possible, it is what is done.
If Sarah Jane is sleeping, I will fetch Mac a drink, JD on rocks, a glass of water, or OJ, whatever He wants and then I will sit at His feet and we will talk about our day. By this point in my day, dinner is either fully ready or just waiting on some finishing touches. I have worked out a wide range of meals that I can prepare through the day and just heat to serve, or put in the oven a few hours before Mac gets home and not worry about it. That way if Sarah Jane has a bad afternoon/early evening, I don't have to stress about dinner.
When Sarah Jane has a completely bad day, Mac said not to even bother trying to cook. He will either bring something home or we can have something delivered after He gets here.
If Sarah Jane is eating when Mac comes home, He will kiss both Sarah Jane and I hello and get Himself and me a drink if I don't have one already. He will sit with us until Sarah Jane is done, then He will take her and burp her, change her if she needs it and generally just spend some time with her. It often is the first time He has seen her awake all day and they both enjoy some father/daughter time. If Sarah Jane is awake but not eating, Mac will take her from me and play.
This gives me time to finish cooking our dinner and Mac will bring Sarah Jane to the table with Him and put her in her baby recliner, making sure that she is on an angle where she can see both of us.
Then over dinner we will discuss politics, rugby, the execution order of Saddam Hussein, the reclassification of Pluto, the latest Crichton novel we have read, a joke Mac heard at work, or the latest extended family crisis. Sarah Jane seems to find our dinner times mostly entertaining and she is quite happy to sit there and gurgle her own opinion, or slowly fall asleep. Other times she will fuss and kick and generally be miserable until I pick her up and soothe her. When this happens, I will put her to bed then come back to continue my dinner with Mac once she is asleep.
Our evening routine may not be perfect and sometimes it all get topsy-turvy because Sarah Jane will wake while I am serving up our dinner and demand her food right NOW! But neither Mac nor I expect Sarah Jane to follow along with the plan and it all falls back on doing everything at her pace. At this point in her life she is most certainly the boss. Mac and I both submit to her demands.
I think it is the way it should be.