Kneeling before Him...



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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

I have hit a writing wall. I have something in my head which seems to need to get out but every time I try I find it looks forced and shallow. So I walk away and replay it over and over in my head and still can't get it out.

So for now I will tell you about sleazy guy from when I was on holiday. It was the oddest thing.

He was a friend of my friend and she had invited him over for a swim along with a few other people she knew. When I first met him I was a little put off by his straight forward demeanour. He asked who I was in a very affronting way. It made me want to tell him that it didn’t matter who I was because he was not going to get to know me, but I was polite and explained that I was a friend staying at the house. He almost dismissed me before moving off. I was obviously of little consequence. I felt it was no great loss.

As the day wore into the afternoon Sarah Jane got a little restless at having people around. She got fussy and just wanted me. I was just finishing off some clearing away of dishes before I picked her up and this man told me that my child was annoying. I told him she would be less annoying if he picked up after himself and I had time to attend to her. I picked up Sarah Jane and took her up to bed. I sat in the bedroom with her and gave her a drink to settle her down before she went to sleep. She was happy once we were away from everyone. Sometimes she just likes to be alone with me.

Once Sarah Jane was sleeping I came out of the bedroom and went back downstairs. As far as I was concerned sleazy guy was, well, sleazy and I didn't want anything more to do with him, but I was willing to be polite for polite's sake again. My friend had apparently been at him while I was upstairs. She had told him he owed me an apology.

I was sitting at the table when he came up to me and leant over and put his forehead against the side of my head. He whispered in my ear that he had behaved very badly and that he was sorry. Then he lifted his mouth to my head just above my ear and breathed on my hair. He asked if I forgave him and he kissed my hair. I was embarrassed, confused, stunned and unable to move. I squeaked out a yes and he moved away. I was relieved. I had hardly spoken to this man all day, in fact I had done my best to avoid him, yet he thought it was ok to BREATHE in my hair and to kiss me. Funnily enough I was more freaked out by the breathing. My friend was most sorry that she had pushed him to apologise and neither of us could wait for him to get out of the door.

It is kind of hard to explain exactly why this was so sleazy. It wasn't just the gesture. There was something about it all that was oddly menacing, like he wanted to devour me, make me disappear. I was not the only one that felt that way. My friend felt that it had a violent quality to it too. After he was gone I had a strong need to wash my hair. That is how contaminated I felt.

When I told Mac about it I thought He would tell me I was overreacting, but instead He wanted to go and punch the guy. He hated that anyone would make me feel like that. I told him that perhaps it had just been my perception, that he probably had not meant anything by it, but Mac wasn't having that. He feels that a man should know better than to intimidate a woman. He feels there is no excuse. I know I have spent too much time trying to work out the why of it when there is no way I can possibly understand this one.

I just know that if I ever see this guy in the street, (which is possible, he lives local) I will cross the road to avoid him.

I really did not like the way he made me feel.

Posted by Sarah McBroden at 11:29 am

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