I guess I have kept everyone waiting long enough. I didn't mean to worry anyone. It's just that, I was not ready to hear other people's opinions on what I should do. I needed o make up my own mind. Thing is, I can't. It's just too hard right now. So for now, I am staying here while Mac is gone, not permanently gone, but gone to work overseas for a while.

A part of me believes that I should be with Him. He wanted me to go and I want to be with Him, but Sarah Jane's birth was not a pleasant experience. If we had not had the staff that we did, we could have lost her and I can't bear the thought of anything happening to this new bump of mine. I know my doctor. I trust my doctor. And if heaven forbid anything did go wrong, my sister and my mother are here. They are my support network. I want to have this baby here where there are people around I believe in. If I went with Mac, I would only have Him and right now, that is not enough.

So for now we have decided that Mac should take the job in the other country. It is a great opportunity, one that He really can't pass up. And I should stay here, at least until this bump is born. Mac will be back for the birth of the baby. Then I guess we see where we go from there.

So that is how things currently stand.

It feels a little like I am just waiting for my real life to begin again.