Kneeling before Him...
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Sunday, March 09, 2008
Mac is home.
I know, you are all going 'what?' and that's ok because I still feel the same way and I have had him here for three days now.
I also know that many of you are thinking 'well see, she didn't go with him and it all worked out for the best because he came home!' But Mac has made it quite clear, very clear, that had Sarah Jane and I been with Him at the first job He would have stayed there and been happy. He came home because He got another job offer and we were not there.
He came home to be with us.
What happened was Mac started this office here. For a while, until He got people in, it was just Him. Then He hand picked a team and found a leader for them and hand picked another and found another leader and hand picked a third and led them Himself. And the company thought it was an excellent office that worked really well, so they brought in someone to foul it up. Mac met him, the new manager and came home and said 'the guy is a dick' and started looking for a new job in the company while watching all the good work He had done start to fall to bits. He got out before it could be blamed on him. He got an offer of a job elsewhere and took it. His team fell apart. The other teams lost the best people. The office fell apart. Now that there is nothing left of it, they want Mac back in to build it up again. Only now He will be getting the managers pay, and a few bonuses He made them promise to do the job that He was doing before they got the manager in. Makes sense, doesn't it? And somewhere don't you just know someone is patting themselves on the back for getting Him back into the job He was doing anyway for more pay. I love business.
So He is home and it has been three days. I thought it would be odd having Him back here. I was ready to be protective of both myself and of Sarah Jane. But the truth is, I didn't need to be. In fact by the first night of Him being home she took her bedtime book to Him and climbed up on His lap and tugged on His collar as He read to her and her eyes grew heavy. He had played it cool, giving her plenty of room, and just waited for her to come to Him. She did so without reservation. She is His girl through and through and she is delighted to have Him back home again. She has called out for Him when she has woken the last two mornings in a row.
For us, we didn't waste any time either. We have been apart too long to not appreciate the time spent together. The first night, after Sarah Jane was asleep, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. He came in as I had just finished up and put His arms around me and held on to me. That was when He told me that He only came back because we were not with Him. The job He left over there was a good job too and He enjoyed the work, but it was all that He had there because we were still here. Then He apologised for giving me the choice. He said because of the baby, He had thought it was the right thing to do, but allowing us to be apart was never going to be right for us. It is not who we are. He said that He should have made the choice for me and kept us together. He made a mistake and He was sorry for letting us down. I told Him that I was sorry too because He was right. We should never have even contemplated being ok apart. I felt like I have forced His hand, made Him come back. He said that I didn't. The job was here, the house was here, I was here, and He came home. But next time, no matter what, He will make the choice and I will do whatever it is He decides for us to do, and I will know it is the right thing because I trust Him.
He held me while I cried (because crying is what pregnant girls do best) then He told me to go and kneel on a cushion beside the bed. He said that there is no period of grace, of getting used to being His again. He decided not to wait for me to come back of my own accord. This time He wanted me back right there and then. I went to the bedroom and I knelt with my belly sticking out and my hands down by my side. When He came in I had my head bowed, looking at the floor.
"Welcome home, Master." I said.
"Sarah. You are so achingly beautiful." He said and He came to me and helped me up from my knees so He could kiss me. "I want you so much," He whispered, "that I am almost afraid I will hurt you."
"I want you so much that there is nothing You could do to me that would hurt me, except hold back." I whispered back.
It was 9pm when we got into bed and it was 3am before we were sated and exhausted in equal enough measure to fall properly asleep.
And my face hurts from all the grinning I have done since then.
It feels like I am the one that has come home.
In a way, I guess I have.