Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, December 15, 2008
We made a mistake and we both got hurt. It happened so fast. We were both so caught up in what was going on that for a moment, we lost focus. That was all it took.
We were having sex, fucking really, a heavy, lustful, dirty sort of fucking. Mac was saying awful horrible things to me and asking if I wanted them and I was telling Him that I wanted them as much as He did. We were both so full of lust and both so full of each other. Then Mac asked me if I wanted one more thing, something simple, something easy, but something that hurts me. I knew He lusted it. I knew His cock was aching for it, but I also knew Mac was so very close to orgasm and I thought that if I said yes, He would lose control. I underestimated the Welshman and that is something no one should ever do.
I said yes and He asked me if I meant it. He knew it would hurt me but He also knew I was caught up in the lust and He mistook my lust for His orgasm as lust for the thing He wanted me to do. I said yes again because surely, He was so close I could feel His throat thick with orgasm, He could not hold back. I wanted Him to come so hard it hurt Him. I wanted it badly. He asked me again and I should have told Him I couldn't do it. But god, He was so damn close. He could not possibly hold out. So I said yes a third time.
Then it was done and it hurt and I lost all desire I felt and as soon as it was started Mac realised He had gotten it wrong and His lust was gone too. I was curled up crying and He was holding onto me while beating Himself mentally. I didn't have to tell Him where it had gone wrong. He had figured it out on His own. I tried to pull away and He wouldn't let me. I tried to apologise, but He wouldn't let me do that either. I felt it was my fault because He had given me so many chances to say no. He said it was His fault because He knows I have trouble distinguishing between my lust for Him and my lust for the things He wants. He knew that I would sacrifice for His orgasm. He asked me to promise Him that I would not do it again and I told Him honestly that I couldn't. He had wanted it so badly and I had wanted to give Him what He wanted so badly that really, we were doomed from the moment it was mentioned.
He said that my fault, my only fault was being the girl who after six years can still get Him so caught up in lust that He let His dick do the thinking. He said that He should have chosen one of the other girls that were chasing Him. They would not have been able to do that. He held me until I fell asleep and when Sarah Jane and Nicholas woke from their naps, He got up with them and let me stay asleep. When I woke I went looking for Him and I climbed into His lap and He held me and then He held Sarah Jane and me. And then Nicholas joined in as well. No one in our house likes missing out on a hug. We were ok, a little bruised, but ok.
Later that evening Mac and I had to out to a friend's going away party. I almost begged off, but Mac said we should go. We didn't have to stay long if we didn't feel like it. I said I would go, mostly because I didn’'t want Mac to go without me. I wanted to be wherever He was. We walked into the party holding hands. We had a great time.
Mac and I have a habit of drawing a crowd. I think it is because He is the funniest cleverest bastard alive. He is so quick witted that it takes concentration and effort to keep up with Him. I love the challenge. He gave me a hard time about Australia losing their recent game against Wales. I gave Him a hard time about Brits inventing rugby and football and the rest of the world being better at it than them. He said at least the Brits had invented things. I said half of the Australians are Brit hand-me-downs, so anything the Brits invented are our heritage too. We grinned a lot. We laughed a lot and people laughed with us, or at us. We didn't mind.
When we got into the car to come home, Mac asked me if I had a good time. I said that I did and then I said something that He wasn't expecting. I guess because I have never said it before. I always assumed it was common knowledge between us, but you know, sometimes even common knowledge things should be said, like I love you and I lust you and god, you are gorgeous. These are things that should be said out loud, not just assumed that the other person knows.
"You are simply my favourite person in the whole world to be with."
It is true. There is no one else in this world who excites me and thrills me, who makes me laugh so much and cry so deeply, no one who can challenge me and fill me so full of emotions, no one who I would rather spend my time with. He does it all just by being Himself. How utterly amazing is that?
He looked at me, seriously.
"Same here." He said. "You are my favourite person in the world to be with."
I leaned over and kissed Him on the cheek.
We drove home in much the same manner we had been at the party, still giving each other hell and still laughing at each other, picking on the difference between us that we both adore. I laughed so much that my jaw hurt and a couple of times Mac told me to shut up because He was trying to drive and He couldn't while He was laughing. Neither of us had had a drink. We were just giddy on being together. Six years and we can still do that to each other. It's not just sex. We genuinely like each other too.
We got home and were still giggling as we went up the stairs. My niece came out of the spare room she uses as her own when she is staying overnight and told us that both Sarah Jane and Nicholas had been little angels. They had not given her any trouble at all. We said thank you and she said goodnight and Mac and I brushed our teeth and washed our faces and checked on both the babies because we can't help ourselves and we went to our bedroom and closed the door, making sure the baby monitors were on.
Mac sat on the edge of the bed and took off His shoes and socks and unbuttoned His shirt. I was undressing and thinking about that morning, before it went wrong, and how hot and how close we had both been. Mac stood up to undo His pants but I was right there in front of Him. I didn't plan it, but that is where I was and He grabbed me suddenly and pulled me very close. He kissed me, a dirty filthy selfish male lust kiss that left me weak kneed and relying on Him to hold me up. There was no subtlety, no thought or consideration. Just a very male need.
"Sarah." He groaned. "My cock is hard, my balls full. I need to come inside you as deep and as hard as possible." He suck/bit my neck and I whimpered in His arms. "Cunt." He growled. "Ass. Mouth. I don't care where."
I tangled my fingers in His hair and pulled His head back so He would see the truth in my eyes. "I need it too." I said.
We lost the rest of our clothes and then He was inside me and my fingers were gripping the sheets trying to hold myself to take the full force of His thrusts.
In the morning when I sat down for breakfast I frowned a little and shifted in my seat.
"Are you ok?" Mac asked, concerned.
"A little tender." I smiled and shifted in my seat again.
He grinned. "Then it is as it should be."
When lusts are lived so close to the edge there will be times when lines are crossed. We accept that we might hurt each other at times. And we accept that we might get hurt. It is a risk worth taking when it is with someone you trust.