Kneeling before Him...



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Sunday, February 01, 2009

Mac has been having a rough time at work and it has shaken me in ways I did not expect. I mean, we have been through this before. You think I would get used to it, but to see Him so tired and frustrated and not to be able to do anything about it is driving me insane. He tells me not to worry about Him, that I have enough to do without taking on His work issues, but I can't help thinking that we are one, and as such, His problems are my problems. He doesn't discuss them with me. He is the type of person that believes that He should solve something before He tells me what it was and how He fixed it. When I watch Him struggle like I am watching Him right now this frustrates me no end. But He is who He is and I love Him. I even love that He is this way. I don't think I could handle it if I was with someone that wanted to lay all of their problems on me. I tend to take the world on my shoulders when I am allowed to. Mac just doesn't allow me to.

Still it has shaken me. I keep looking for ways to fix it and often it feels like I have gotten it all wrong. I try not to be burdensome. I don't tell Him what is happening with me because I don't want add to His problems. I try to make a joke of the time we don't have or of His tense mood. Mac feels me pulling away and being narky about it and it just worries Him more.

So what do we do about this? Well, I make sure Mac gets some rest and knows He has my support. I still sit with Him while He is working of an evening until I have to kiss Him goodnight. Some nights, I seduce Him into bed with me because He needs the sleep to get through the next day. I know that for Him it is a catch 22. If He doesn't do the work He has more to do the next day, but if He doesn't sleep, He can't get through the stuff He has to do. I try to make our home a place He wants to be. A place of love and laughter so He knows He can let His guard down when He walks through the door. It doesn't always work. Some times His stress stresses me instead of my calmness calming Him. But I try. I do try.

And I pray that things settle down for Him soon.

Posted by Sarah McBroden at 9:59 am

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