Kneeling before Him...
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Friday, July 17, 2009
I am sorry that I haven't written for a while. Mac has been keeping me busy with submission. We found a way to fit it in around the children, remembering that it is an important part of us. We came upon this memory in a roundabout way, starting with Mac receiving an email from an ex-girlfriend whom apparently wanted to unburden herself about their previous relationship. (Yeah right. That is why you contact an ex, to tell Him what went wrong. Not to see if He is still interested in screwing you. No, not anything like that.)
So anyway, this ex of Mac's went on to say that she felt Mac had not given her enough of the dominance she wanted. She wanted it formal and proper, all kneeling and titles and head always bowed and when she said that she moved on to a relationship like that, I scoffed. I was quite vicious about it actually. No one can submit all the time. Life gets in the way. At work, or even as a stay at home mum, sometimes I just have to be the dominant one. The kids need it from me. Telemarketers need it from me (or at least I need to be dominant when I speak to telemarketers). It's just the way it is. Mac let it go, let me have my rant about it and didn't seem to think anything more of it. I put it away and didn't think any more of it either. I just got on with being a wife and a mum.
Then one night we were talking about submission and Mac mentioned the type of submission which involves belly crawling on the floor. It had been a rough day with one baby with a runny nose and the other with no patience. I needed to relax. I needed something to help me calm and when Mac said to me that I would like that sort of submission, I simply said I would drool for it and I laid my head against His chest and closed my eyes.
He didn't say anything again. He just thought about it for a while. Then the next day He decided it was time to take things into His hands and deal with them the way He always does. His way.
So now I find time to 'adore and submit' through the day. I do it regularly, no excuses unless it is the children. They come first, but I am finding that if I can take some time out to kneel and centre myself, I am better able to attend to their wants and needs. Mac expects me to be able to make time, so if I don't, I better have a bloody good reason why not. 'I couldn't find time' just doesn't cut it with Him. So I find time and I enjoy that time. I enjoy kneeling and concntrating on submission, reminding myself that I am His. It soothes me and calms me and makes me happy. It is good to be reminded to feel good. I thinks sometimes we all need that reminder.
And of a nighttime when the babies are both in bed I crawl to my place at Mac's feet and He lets me rest there, or on His lap. We kiss a lot, laugh a lot and yes, we fuck a lot. A whole lot. And He makes me masturbate a lot. A whole lot. He says I function best when my sex is occupied. The sex is hot. Damn hot. Some of the hottest, most wicked sex and sexual fantasies I could ever imagine. Often He whispers dirty things while He watches me touch myself. It was difficult at first to be under such scrutiny, but it has become easier, I can relax easier, so He gets wickeder in the things He says to me, determined to make me blush while He turns me on.
This is how we found our way back to each other, back to the intense love we were feeling before He went away. I know that this is not new to us, we have had this submission before, but this is the first time that Mac wants it. He talks about it. He wants us to remember it. He wants me to keep it at the front of my mind where I can use it when I need to, not only when He is here, but for next time He is away. He hates that distance thing that we do as much as I do, and He wants to find a way to make it stop the same way I do. Working together we can make this happen.
I know that Mac is easily bored. I know it better than anyone. Perhaps there will come a day when this submission bores Him, but honestly, I am in such a good place right now, I never want that day to come. I want Him to keep wanting it as much as I do. Maybe I can make Him keep wanting it by helping to keep it exciting.
I want it to stay.