Kneeling before Him...



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Monday, November 02, 2009

Things in the McBroden household are still up and down. Mac is still having a rough time at work and we have to remind ourselves to find ourselves again. I find that I take on His stress and the more stressed I get, the more I withdraw from my submission when really, when Mac and I are stressed is when we both need it the most. Yes! I said Mac needs it. He does sometimes. He needs me to be submissive and I am not sure if that is because I am calm when I am submissive and that helps calm Him, or if He just likes it better that way. I guess it's all combined anyway.

I have discovered that Mac can be very patient with me. He will take time to make me feel safe enough to come back. It is something that has really just started to happen between us. Before, when I withdrew, Mac would withdraw too and we would spiral down quite a way before we caught it and built up the submission again. He never forced it on me. He never saw a point in making me do something I was fighting against, but He would just leave me alone to work it out. Lately though, instead of leaving me alone, He has taken the time to hold me. He will sit with me, talk to me, and remind me how much He loves me and how important my submission is to us. He brings me back to Him little by little until I can't stand not to give in to it. It actually hurts trying to hold it away. And when I give in, He will hold me tighter and kiss me even more gently and say 'welcome home, angel.' It is such a relief to give in to it. It is euphoric. It's like a drug and He is giving me a hit. I always wonder why I tried so hard not to give in to it. It makes no sense.

But I know the chances are that I will do it again.

Posted by Sarah McBroden at 1:06 pm

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