Kneeling before Him...



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Saturday, December 12, 2009

I am not even going to pretend that I will be writing more often now. With my life divided between children, Mac and healing, I just don't have the time I used to have. My foot is getting better, but because it has been a long term injury, I have pain across the front of the foot when I walk. The physiotherapist and the surgeon both think that because the bones are weak from lack of use, there is a chance I will stress fracture it the bones beneath my toes. This means I should not walk barefoot and the shoes should have a slight heel, to provide padding and support for the toes. But also because of the inactivity, my Achilles has shortened and need s to be stretched, which won't happen while I am using a heel. This is why recovery is expected to take at least 6 more months.

I am off the painkillers though, which means I need less sleep and I feel like doing more. Most days I will load the boy into his stroller and take the girl's hand and we will walk down the lane to see the horses. After about 10 minutes it starts to hurt in my ankle, another couple of minutes it hurts in my knee and we turn around before the pain spreads to my hip. The pain is mostly from just lack of use. When we get back I put the tens on my knee and my ankle and with ice and rest the pain subsides quickly. It's as much as I can handle right now, but with luck and perseverance, I will be able to walk further. It's just going to take time.

I also spend a lot of time swimming. I leave the babies with the babysitter and get dropped off at the indoor heated pool. I swim and walk laps for an hour, three times a week. I do this because all the physiotherapy in the world will not improve my foot unless I use it and in the water is the best place to use it. The surgeon and the physiotherapist both agree that swimming is the most productive thing I can do for my injury, so even when I don’t feel like it, I force myself to go.

I look back now, at the first entries in this blog and I see the Mac and Sarah that we were, young, hedonistic, and very much living in the moment. I see a couple of kids being as wicked as we could safely be. We are not that Mac and Sarah anymore. We have responsibilities. We have grown up a lot. We have grown together a lot. I am a wife and a mother, or a mother and a wife. I am sure the days of wild sex parties and multiple partners, of being shared with other men are gone and I don't miss them. We did it. It was hot, it was exciting, it was thrilling and scary and felt dangerous, but I am happy that now we get our thrills from each other. I am more in love with Mac than I have ever been and every day it gets stronger. I am more in lust with Mac than I have ever been and every day it gets stronger. He said to me the other day, when we were both naked in bed, both sweating, both trying to catch our breath, that our sex has never been hotter, never been more exciting and fulfilling and I have to agree with Him. Knowing Him has not made it boring. Neither of us are complacent. We still enjoy each other's enjoyment. The deeper we get, the better it gets and Mac reminds me all the time that we are only just beginning. We have so many years ahead of us and so much more to learn about each other.

I don't believe we will ever get to a point where we know each other completely. Life shapes and changes us a little each day. We are still growing up and I don't think that has to stop if you don't want it to. I think Mac and I will always enjoy learning more about each other. I think Mac and I will always enjoy each other.

I hope that never changes.

I don't think it ever will.

Posted by Sarah McBroden at 11:05 am

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