'It's just life, Sarah.' That is what Mac says when I complain that we have not had time to spend together. And life has been complicated of late. On top of physiotherapy (which I cut back to once a week so I could fit in massage therapy) and massage therapy, I have been going to the hospital for half a day four days a week to visit with my nephew who had knee operation and ended up with a staph infection. This means that my therapy appointments take me away from the house for complete days and I am gone another two half days.

I knew he had the operation and I knew he had been sent home after it. He and I talked about rehabilitation and physiotherapy. Then two weeks and two more operations later I accidently found out he was back in hospital. My sister didn't think I needed to know. No one other than my ill nephew had spoken to a doctor and no one had asked any questions. My sister was at work when the doctor did his rounds and only found out herself about the other two operations after they had been performed. I went to the hospital, got him a dvd player (because he was going crazy watching the same TV shows over and over), got him credit on his phone (so that we would know before they operated again, which they did, twice more to flush the infection out from behind the knee cap, took him some home cooked meals (because he had lost 6 kilos in two weeks) and organized my rather slack family into a visiting roster (so that he didn't have days where no one visited. I even ended up cutting his hair and trimming his beard when he was well enough to shave. I was the only one who spoke to doctors. I asked the questions. I made them organise a home nurse and a long term IV line so he could get his IV antibiotics at home instead of staying in the hospital once we had the infection under control, otherwise he would have been there another month. He was in hospital for 6 weeks all up. He will be on IV antibiotics another month, then oral antibiotics for a few months more. He has now been home for three days. He has been here for two of them. He doesn't want to be at home alone so his father drops him off here after the nurse has been to change his antibiotics. Having him here means I will get some normality back in to my schedule. I know Sarah Jane and Nicholas will appreciate having me around more. Mac has been away much of the past month so he has only gotten my second hand account of it all. But he did promise to be home for Easter and all things being equal, he will be here for dinner tomorrow night. He should be home for a few weeks, fingers crossed.

What this has taught me (other than that my family is utterly messed up) is that I do not understand teenagers relationships. I have had a few teenagers around. My niece has been helping me with the children for a while now and I do encourage her to treat this house as her own to the same extent her parent's house would be hers if she was living at home. She does have friends and their boyfriends and her boyfriend visit and I have noticed that the girls speak in front of the boys the same way in which I assume boys talk to their mates. My nephew and his girlfriend do the same. I am often left mortified at their choice of topic and the way in which they speak to each other. Mac and I have been together for years and would not even dream of having a conversation like theirs. Some of it, I would not even discuss with my girlfriends. They talk about who did the biggest bowel movement, have competitions to see who can do the smelliest and loudest passing of wind, and discuss their menstrual cycle in detail, while a group of boy and girls are together. None of them see anything wrong with this. It seems to me that girls and boys are suffering from an over familiarity. I do not like it. I believe there are things that boys do not need to know about girls. I believe there should be a difference. I should not have to tell visitors that they need to change the subject. Maybe I am becoming too old and prissy, but honestly, we never spoke that way to each other growing up. It troubles me.

I am really excited that Mac is coming home. Really excited. I am suffering from a complete lack of submission in the past month. I have been the one in charge for way too long. I do not like being the one making all the decisions and I am exhausted. I am at a point where I asked him what he wanted for dinner tomorrow night, then got upset because he told me to pick between two dishes. I do not want to make any more choices for a while. I need him to come and put his hand on my neck and just be the man for a while. I have missed having a man here more than I can tell you. I get the feeling that he has missed being here too.

I hope everyone has a very happy Easter.

I am planning on making it a very submissive one here.