There was a fantasy that Mac used a few days back to make me come. He took me by surprise with the person He had included in it. My response was to come, deep shuddering orgasms that left me breathless. Not only was it naughty, it was delicious. I spoke to the person that was in the fantasy and told her that I wouldn't use her name. Her response was "you can if you want, I'm a naughty slut and I like that sort of thing." So thankyou to wench and of course to her Majesty for allowing me to tell this the way it should be told.

And thank you to Mac for the delicious idea.

The bar is sleazy, not the type of bar where good girls go. Wench and I don't mind though, because we are not here to be good girls. We sit side by side on two stools at the bar, watching the rough clientele and teasing each other over the bulge in the one over there's jeans and the tightness of the ass that just walked past. We giggle together in the way which girls about to misbehave do.

The coolness of wench's hand on my neck makes me shiver with anticipation and she smiles at me wickedly as she pulls me in closer to meet her lips. The kiss is soft and gentle, our tongues touching tentatively then pulling away. My hand slips to her thigh, travelling up to the hem of her skirt as one of her hands trails lightly across my breast.

She pulls back slightly and I reach for her again and she moans and kisses me once more, gently biting my lips then sucking on my tongue. I hold her face with both my hands as the passion between us rises and neither of us notices that all noise in the bar has stopped. We smile at each other mischievously, the wickedness returning with the lust.

'Baby,' wench murmurs. 'See those two guys behind me? Watching? Will they do?'
I nod at her without looking. Who it is doesn't matter. Anyone will do fine.

'Show me with them then. I want to see how you suck cock.'

I take wench's hand and we move to kneel before the two men. Both of us pull our skirts up to show off pantiless cunts and we both undo the buttons on our tops to expose our breasts. The air around us is thick with lust and we know we are on display.

The cocks that we take from their pants are already hard and throbbing. It was the kisses that we shared which did it. Wench follows my lead as I gently stroke and lick and kiss the cock of the man in front of me. I can see her out of the corner of my eye as her lips close over the head of the cock before her. I keep jerking my guy as I lean over to lick at wench's stretched open lips. She gurgles and both of the men moan so I do it again. Wench releases the cock from her mouth and turns to kiss me again, both of us still working the cocks with our hands and both of the men growl in enjoyment at watching the two sluts at their feet kiss so we do it again.

I feel the cock in my hand pulse and I turn my head back in time to take his orgasm in my mouth sucking him while he spurts and licking at his cock to make sure he is properly finished before turning back to slide my tongue into wench's waiting mouth again. Within moments she realises her guy is about to come and as she turns to take his orgasm he growls at her 'your tits' and she tosses back her head and jerks him so his semen splashes across her breasts. She kisses his still throbbing cock gently and watches as He puts it away.

I turn to her and lean forward to lick some of the semen from her breasts. The air around us pulsates with the lust of the men still watching and our tongues find their way into the other's mouth. Long slow gentle kisses as our breasts press together and the semen smears over both of us.

A guy moans and we pull away from each other and admire the way our tits glisten in the light of the bar. Wench leans in to whisper close so that her breath tickles my ear.

'Shall we have some more?'

I smile at her and nod and we choose two more from the pulsing waiting throng.

And the night goes on...

She lay in the morning sunshine soaking up the heat of the day. The world looked so different here, it constantly amazed her. She had never been this far away from her river, her life source. She rolled to her stomach and tucked her hands under her head, her wings spread out over her in a soft shield of colours that caught the sunlight and filled the air around her. She loved to watch the tones dance over each other as she gently fluttered her wings. Rarely did she have time like this, time when she could just relax and not worry about the world around her. She knew she could make as much noise as she liked, she could make the sky glow with colours so bright that the world would sparkle. Nothing could hurt her here. Nothing would dare come near her, so she knew she could be as loud and as bright as she wished. Because she knew she could, she didn't feel any need to. She was content to lay here beside him and play gently by herself.

Her dragon was stretched out on his stomach beside her, watching over her protectively. He would not allow anything to hurt her. She had come to mean more to him than he had thought was possible. This tiny creature beside him had captured his heart with her ability to give and her love. He watched her as she luxuriated in the sunlight, amusing herself quietly. His throat thickened at the thought of the trust she placed within him. She was so small, he could so easily crush her, one sweep of his hand and she would cease to exist and yet she lay happily beside him. She knew how deeply he cherished her. She knew that he would protect her with everything he had. She knew she was his.

She glanced up at the giant beside her and saw him watching her. She smiled at him and the day seemed to brighten. She was not in the least self conscious with him and she let her eyes wander over him. She had never known anything living to be as big as he was. He almost filled the clearing in which they lay. She had thought he would be cold to touch and had been surprised when he was not. The scales that covered him made him look so hard and impenetrable but she knew they were just his cover, his body's way of defending himself against those that would see him gone. She knew that to others he looked fierce. She had seen them flee from him. They did not know him the way she did. He would never harm them, unless they threatened those who needed his protection.

She sat up and hugged her knees to her chest, tucking her wings behind her. He delighted in her obvious happiness and his eyes sparkled, brilliantly blue. She saw his joy in her and she positively glowed. She had loved this dragon for so long, from the first time he had chosen to protect her she had loved him, but never had she loved him as much as she did now. She knew it was different between them now, she knew the day it had changed.

There had been nothing special about the day. He had come to see her as he had many other times and they had talked of the same things that they had shared many times before. Yet when it was time for him to leave, he seemed reluctant to go. He had held out his hand to her and she had climbed upon it without hesitation. He had carefully held her and taken her with him, home.

She had marvelled at his cave. It had not been dark and scary, as she had assumed it would be. It was a place of light and beauty. It sparkled and glistened with a thousand treasures that took her breath. He had let her go and she flew about the cave, flitting from treasure to treasure, each more beautiful than the last. He allowed her the freedom to explore at her own will, only occasionally pointing out something he really wanted her to see. She had come back to him often to share with him some jewel she had found. She had surprised him with the absolute pleasure she took in working out his favourite things. He felt his heart fill with love with every smile that crossed her face. Her happiness bubbled out of her in a series of giggles that infected him with their joy.

She noticed a shelf high in the wall and wondered what He would keep above all else. She glanced at him and he watched her calmly. She flew to the shelf, not sure what to expect. She landed softly and felt her body stiffen in surprise. Before her was a rose. Her rose. She had given it to him a year before, knowing that he would appreciate the love she had tended to it with. He had told her he would keep it for her but she had known that flowers die and that dragons did not have the most delicate of touches. She had known he would try to keep it as long as he could but in the end it would be gone.

It was perfect. She did not understand how it could still be perfect after all this time. It should have wilted away to nothing and yet it was still perfect. She looked at him in utter amazement.

'How?' she asked.

He shrugged. 'With love, I guess.'

She felt her love for him swell until it was too big to be kept inside her. Tears of happiness had welled up in her eyes and flowed down her cheeks. She stepped off the shelf into the air and let her wings catch her. He saw the wall behind her come alive with her colours. She was unaware of how brightly she glowed but he could see and was astonished at how brilliantly she could shine.

She had gone to him, hiding her face in his neck as she cried with a happiness that she had never felt before. She knew then that she was connected to him in a way much deeper than friendship. She would be with him forever.

She sat quietly in the clearing watching him, remembering the times they had shared since that day, how he had filled her with His love again and again. All it took was his smile. Everything she had she used to make him smile. She had held nothing back from him. He knew her like no one had ever tried to know her and she loved him deeply for it.

She felt her love for him over power her again and she untangled her arms from her knees and rose with the help of her wings. She flew to Him and kissed his neck. She felt his breath catch and she purred against him.

She flitted around in front of him and found a soft clear place to stand. He growled softly in the back of his throat. She smiled up at him. Then she danced. She lost herself completely to the rhythm she had created in her head and he could hear the beat in each of her movements. She danced with all the joy and love she felt and he saw it all in every curve of her body. She gave him everything she was and all she had to give in the only way she knew she could. Her inhibitions made her even more beautiful to watch. He knew she was only this free with him.

She danced until he called to her to stop. She fell breathlessly to her knees and he smiled at her. She grinned up at him, satisfied that she had pleased him again. He rolled carefully onto his back and she quickly flew to him. She stretched herself out on his belly, over his heart and lay quietly with Him. His heartbeat thundered through her tiny form and she shuddered as each beat shook her core. Never was she so complete as when his pleasure had been in her.

She lay upon him until she heard the river call to her. She still could not stay away from her life source for long, no matter how she desired to stay with him. He knew of her reluctance to leave and gently swept her up into his hand. She found herself looking deeply into his eyes.

'We have tomorrow, little one. We have tomorrow and we have forever.' He smiled at her softly and she wrapped herself around his finger, her cheek pressed against the pad of his claw. He held her safely within his hand and flew her back. They arrived at her river with a speed that exhilarated her. His wings could carry him much faster than hers ever could and she loved being able to fly with him.

When he opened his hand she stood on his palm and pouted.

'I don't want to go.' She whined softly.

He looked at her, understanding her reluctance completely. He would always have her with him if he could.

'Look here you,' he growled at her, 'you have my love. You take it with you wherever you go. Go to your river, fill it with the joy you fill me with. Then tomorrow come back to me and fill me with your joy again.'

She flew from his hand to kiss his forehead then she pushed away from him into the sky. He watched as she flew in loops through the air, then tucked her wings behind her and dove towards her river. She entered the water without even making a splash.

He imagined her briefly moving through the water so smoothly that she almost wasn't there. In his mind's eye he could still see her shining before him as she danced. He smiled and stretched his own wings out behind him. Sometimes tomorrow seemed a long way away, even to him.

Something absolutely wonderful and amazing happened yesterday. Something so simple and so easy that it took both Mac and I by complete surprise with its intensity and the way it coloured O/our day. It filled U/us both with love.

I gave Mac a blowjob.

That's it really. A simple easy loving giggling blow job that totally enthralled Mac.

After I wrote here yesterday of the blowjob that I had given Mac the day before, I went and joined Him back in bed. He was still sleeping because of the late night He had. He looked so at peace with the world that I almost hated to wake Him.

I pulled the quilt back off Him, and was surprised to find that He was erect. He was already close to waking. I scooted down the bed so that I could be near His cock and I played with it gently, stroking it with my fingertips and very lightly running my nails along it. He stirred and shifted onto His back.

I giggled and kissed the very tip of His penis. He opened His eyes in that 'I am awake but really still asleep' way and I giggled again and He smiled at me. I raked my teeth lightly over the head of His cock and He growled softly. I closed my lips over Him and slid my mouth on Him, jerking the part of Him that didn't fit in my mouth with my hand. My fingers caught against the slight stickiness of His cock and without even thinking about it, I took my lips off Him and I let my saliva drip from my mouth onto the shaft. Mac's reaction was electric. He groaned and His body stiffened and His cock jumped in my hand. His hands gripped the sheets. I was taken by surprise but delighted in the effect it had and I held His penis so that the next ball of spit fell onto the slit then I rubbed my thumb over it. I let my spit dribble onto Him again following it with my tongue prying into the slit and my hand still jerking Him. I had Mac in a place where all He could say was 'Baby baby. Sarah. Oh god Sarah. Baby.' I licked at the sensitive spot beneath the head of His cock and my hand stroked the shaft. I nuzzled my cheek against Him, murmuring and kissing Him and grazed my teeth over the head again and He was almost bursting. I knew He had been holding back from the moment I had let my spit dribble onto Him and I knew He couldn't hold on much longer. I licked the head again and again and He exploded, grunting and growling my name. I licked and kissed and murmured at Him through His orgasm until He put His hands in my hair and told me to stop.

I smiled up at Him and that was when He said that I had given Him the best blowjob ever. I giggled and He told me that He wasn't joking. That it had been the best blowjob He had ever had. When He got online He made the comment about it on the blog.

He started me thinking. What had it been that had made this the best blowjob ever? It wasn't the deepest I had given Him and it wasn't the longest. I am certainly no porn star. I have a lot of trouble getting Him deep inside my throat without gagging. And I know that there will be guys reading this and thinking, that's not what I would call a good blowjob, and probably girls thinking that too.

The thing is, it was a perfect blowjob for Mac. I said yesterday that I know Him so well that I knew how to keep Him out of the conversation. I could also say that I know Him well enough to know exactly what He likes sexually. I found out by listening to Him. I found out by remembering little things that He said that He found sexy or passages in books He would ask me to read. I watched His reaction to porn, took in all that made Him throb and the things that He was indifferent too.

There are times during rough sex that Mac will want the in out of mouth fucking. But those times are rare. He much prefers me to love His cock. Kiss it and caress it, lick it and graze it with my teeth. He loves to see me look up at Him and smile and giggle. He loves to know I am enjoying it too. I do enjoy it, because although oral sex is not that enjoyable, pleasing Him, watching Him, loving Him like this is one of the most pleasurable things I have ever done.

The reaction He had to me spitting on His cock surprised me. I had to think about it a lot before I worked out what it was about it that turned Him on and I think I know now. He saw His good girl spit dirtily on His penis. He saw her become a whore only interested in His pleasure, she wanted His cock slick so she could stroke it and so she wet it the quickest way she could. And when she saw that it pleased Him more than she thought it would, she did it again and again because she loves Him.

Because I know what He likes, because I made sure I know what He likes, I can give Him the perfect blowjob. I can also give Him the perfect sex, anal sex, and tit fucking. I can cook Him the perfect meal and make Him the perfect drink and pick out the perfect DVD to see. I can watch a rugby game and understand what is happening and hold a conversation with Him about the game. I can sit at His feet quite happily and quietly when He has work to do. I made it my job to find out what He prefers and it is my delight to bring Him these things.

So that would be what I would put in a book on how to give a blowjob. Listen to what His body tells you as well as what He says with His voice. Listen to what He tells the people around Him. Make it your business to know what He likes and then use it on Him and glow in the praise that you will get. Simple really.

It has been almost 18 months now for Mac and I. Yesterday He said to me: "You can be such a whore, such a brazen wanton slut but You are so loving and giving. God. I adore you."

And it was all because of a simple blowjob.

I must be doing something right.

I went to bed last night thinking about shi's comment that "There is magic everywhere that you two go!" Sometimes it feels that way to me too. I think it is because W/we create magic between U/us. Have you ever seen someone so irresistibly happy that they were infectious? I think a lot of the time it is like that for Mac and I. W/we really do make each other happy and W/we feed from each other's happiness and pretty soon those around U/us are smiling and laughing and loving and lusting too.

That makes what I did just that much more awful.

A couple of weeks ago, I did something that I haven't really talked about yet. At the time I just said my behaviour had been bad and that Mac had forgiven me but I found it hard to forgive myself. I didn't want to talk about it then, because I was told not to wallow in it and I knew that I would. Now I feel like I am at a place where I can accept what I did was wrong and talk about it without punishing myself for it all over again.

I need to start with a couple of things so that you understand just why it all went so wrong. First, Christine is one of my best friends. Mac and Christine can hardly manage to be civil to each other. They used to be friends, but things changed when Mac and I became U/us. I may write about that another day. There are some days I love Christine to bits, and others that I really can't stand her but for some reason I can never sever the friendship completely.

In the morning of the awful day, Mac said that He would come home from work to pick me up for a dinner party at Christine's that I had said W/we would attend. I was looking after my nephew and niece that day and as I would have the children late I told Him to go straight from work and I would meet Him there. He didn't seem delighted at the idea, but He said ok.

Through the day, I managed to change the plans with the kids and I got someone to pick them up early so I could arrive at Christine's with Mac, but I couldn't get a hold of Him to tell Him until it was to late. He had just arrived at Christine's when I called and He said I should grab a cab and come over. I was a little upset at this. Not because He didn't want to come and pick me up, but because He didn't acknowledge that I had made the effort to have the kids picked up. I went a little cold on Him but I didn't say why, I just said bye and hung up. I arrived at Christine's 30 minutes later.

In those 30 minutes, I decided that I would tell Him that I had felt my effort was unappreciated but when I walked in He said something to someone He had been making small talk with, and I got it into my head that He was saying that He didn't want to talk to me. Don't ask me why I thought that, I am really good at projecting my feelings into other people's words. ('That outfit looks good on you' translates into 'When you are not wearing that outfit you are an ugly cow' in Sarah's mind.)

So I did the absolute worst and most stupid thing I could ever do. I confided in Christine. I was angry with Mac and I walked over to Christine and I vented. I told her that I felt like Mac didn't want to talk to me. Knowing she hates me being with Mac and knowing that she is a manipulative person, warning bells should have gone on inside my head but she said the simplest thing in the world and I grasped onto it like a drowning man grasping a float.

'So don't talk to him.'

Simple. Easy. That will teach Him. Also awfully manipulative, horribly disrespectful and not at all how people who love each other treat each other in private, let alone in public. But I didn't think about those awful things. I just went with my anger and cut Mac off.

He tried a couple of times to engage in a conversation with me and others, and I would shut Him out, talking about things He wasn't a part of, or wasn't interested in. I know Mac really well. So well that it was very easy to know how to keep Him out of the conversation. Of course Christine helped. We were like two horrible children doing our best to exclude a third from our playtime.

Mac didn't understand what was going on but He knew He was bored and it wasn't long after W/we ate that He said He had work to do and W/we left. The minute W/we stepped outside I felt horrible. I knew what I had done was wrong and yet I stayed silent. W/we drove home in silence, W/we went inside in silence, and W/we put away O/our coats in silence.

Finally Mac said 'Hello'

Me: 'Hi'

Silence.

Me: 'How was work?'
Mac: 'Busy.'

Silence.

Mac: 'Couldn't seem to find anything to talk about tonight.'
Me: 'That's because I didn't want You to be a part of the conversation.'
Mac: 'What?'
Me: 'I cut You out on purpose.'
Mac: 'Thank you. Very much. And do tell me what on earth possessed you to do that?'

Now I should point out here that Mac has this deadly calm voice that He uses. It means He is very very close to losing His temper in a big way. Anyone who knows Mac well knows that voice means tread carefully because you are walking in a minefield. And I ploughed on.

I told Him that I had been feeling upset when I arrived at Christine's, then He had said He didn't want to talk to me, so I hadn't wanted to talk to Him. He was surprised. When had He said He didn't want to talk to me? I explained. He said that the comment He had made had not been directed at me. He pointed out that He had only done what I had asked Him to do by going to Christine's without me and that He would have much preferred arriving with me and that I had pretty much carried on like a fool. He told me that He was going to do some work and that it would be best if I left Him alone but before He left He pointed out one more thing to me that cut me like a knife.

I had allowed Christine to disrespect Him too.

I don't know if anyone can understand the true horror of what I felt. He was right. Not only had I allowed it, I had encouraged it and I wished the floor would open wide and swallow me whole.

I sat down and thought about it, keeping well away from the room He was in. I wrote out a dozen or so apologies and all of them said I am sorry but it wasn't my fault and I screwed them up and tossed them out. It was my fault. I love Mac and I deliberately set out to sabotage His evening and I succeeded. I did have a little help on the way, but laying it at Christine's feet is like blaming a soldier for a war. She was a participant, but the whole thing could never have been started without me. I knew I had hurt Mac and I knew I had broken a part of U/us and I didn't want to take responsibility for that. I had to though. I had done it. I had to face the consequences.

I went to Him and I knelt and I told Him that I had believed that He had said He didn't want to talk to me but even that was not an excuse for what I did. I had no excuse and I was sorry. I wanted to be His good girl again. He kissed my cheek and told me to stop crying, it was a misunderstanding and that it was all over now. Finished. He still had work to do so I went to bed alone and the next day He went away and I have told the story from there.

I think I can tell this now because the part of U/us that I had broken feels fixed. It may not look the same as it used to and it may work a little differently, but it does work and it feels strong and I know I will never try and break it again.

Yesterday Mac woke up hard and horny, as is usually the case with Him. I snuggled up against Him and kissed Him and ran my nails along His belly. His voice was still thick with sleep and made thicker by His desire.

'Mouth' He said. 'Need you.'

And I slid down the bed and lightly kissed the head of His cock.

'Oh baby' He groaned and He pulled my hair away from my face so that He could watch. He gently stroked my cheek and I took Him inside my mouth, and I dragged my lips up off Him and I licked His balls while my fingers stroked His cock. I caressed Him, I nuzzled Him and I loved every second of pleasure that I brought Him. He came with my tongue licking the head of His cock while my fingers stroked His shaft. I let His semen drip back onto His stomach from my lips and chin. He slumped back against the bed, drained and I giggled at His lack of energy. He smiled and stroked my hair while I licked Him clean.

He left for the city after that, so I didn't see Him all day. I have a vague recollection of Him kissing my cheek and whispering goodnight as He snuggled up against me when He got home. Right now He is still asleep but it is almost time for me to go kiss Him awake.

I am smiling now.

I wonder what magic the two of U/us will make happen today?

After W/we woke on Sunday, it was starting to get late in the evening so W/we ate and W/we sat around, kind of sated and drained. The only thing was, I was crying.

Mac said 'I love you,' and I filled up on tears. He held my hand and I cried some more. He left me alone and I followed Him to be near Him and I cried. He went back to sit on the couch and I cried. I wasn't sad. I was just so full of emotion. All the colours were too bright and the sounds were too loud and even the food had too much taste. I was in a complete sensory overload and I really didn't know what to do other than to go back to sleep. I desperately wanted someone to talk too. It didn't have to be about anything deep or personal, I just wanted to talk.

I told Mac this and even though it was getting late on a Sunday evening, He suggested going out. I wanted to resist it, everything was so loud, but Mac said to trust Him and I do trust Him so W/we went to a quiet little pub that is a favourite haunt of O/ours.

Mac took my hand and held it until I was ready for Him to let it go and it was nice to know that He was watching over me. W/we were talking to a couple of women there that W/we knew. I can't remember why, but Mac started to refer to me as His sleazy wench. Then Mac and Marie said the same thing at exactly the same time and I made a reference to great minds and Mac told Marie she could be His other sleazy wench and got her to sit on the other side of Him. The other woman, Fran asked if she could be a sleazy wench too and Mac told her to pull up a chair. Another lady at that bar, Emily who knew Marie and Fran asked if she was a sleazy wench and Mac told her that her status was undecided as W/we didn't know her yet.

She looked a little disappointed so Mac told her to have her people fax His people and He would get back to her on it and for the time being she could join U/us on a provisional sleazy wench status. She smiled and sat down and He told her that a smile was a good start. Emily got a bottle of wine and W/we laughed about the name of cocktails and there was talk of licking lipstick off lips and off nipples and there was talk about Emily and where she was from and I was entranced by these three women looking at Mac with such desire and I was watching Him handle them gently and carefully and making sure that none felt left out.

Marie got upset about the attention that Emily was getting and she said something snappish and Mac looked at her and told her to stop being surly and she apologised immediately and He smiled at her and she relaxed. He was gorgeous, truly gorgeous, making each woman feel special.

The air was thick with lust and I suddenly realised that each of the women at the table would have done anything for Mac at that moment. We were all submitting to Him and far from feeling jealous, the beauty of watching these 'strong' women willingly submit to my Male carried me away. It was almost like we were under His spell. I was so much in lust with them all.

We were joined by another person and then another and the spell was starting to break apart. Mac took my hand and said goodbye and W/we left.

When W/we were in the car, I asked Mac if He was as turned on as I was. He told me no. He was wryly amused that all of us women had submitted to Him so easily. He hadn't expected it to happen and when it did He had to be careful not to hurt anyone, but He understood that I was heavy with lust and He thought it was lovely.

As W/we walked in the door His phone rang and He told me to masturbate to orgasm while He took the call. I lay on the sofa with my head on His lap and He stroked my hair while I played with my clitoris and I took little notice of what He was saying into the phone and I came very quickly, moaning softly so as not to disturb His call.

He hung up not long after and I asked Him who had called. He told me it was one of the people who had joined U/us at the table just before W/we left. He rang to ask Mac what He had done to the women because they had left not long after U/us and he thought that they might have fallen on each other in lust. This made me grin at Mac and I asked Him why W/we had left and He said W/we left because the feeling at the table had been something special and He wanted to leave while it was still there so we would all remember it and not have it ruined by the people joining U/us.

W/we sat together quietly for a while. Then Mac said that now He had time to relax and think about it, He found it arousing to have those women submit to Him. I smiled and shifted to my knees and I took His cock into my mouth. He held my head gently and stroked my cheek while I drew His orgasm from Him and made it mine.

I ran into Marie at the store yesterday and we were both a little embarrassed and both blushed. We exchanged small talk then she said last night was fun and I looked at her and said 'yes it was' and we both sighed. She told me reality called and we said goodbye.

We both knew that it would never happen like that again.

I had lunch and went to the movies with Emma and Claire yesterday to see Lord of The Rings. It was a kind of getting to know you date with Claire, though Emma Claire and I have been in contact through emails and pager all week. Mac didn't want to see the movie. In fact He would be quite happy if He never saw it. It holds no interest for Him at all and He thought it would be good if Emma Claire and I went out. Also, it gave Him a great excuse to have lunch at the pub with 'the boys.'

So we girls enjoyed lunch and watched the movie and I think I fell in love with Aragon in every scene he was in. The man is just SO Male. I was captivated and enthralled and so much in lust. The three of us giggled, cried and ohhhhed and ahhhhhed over him throughout the whole movie.

When it was over, Claire had to go as she had things she had to do, and Emma took me to the pub where Mac was but she didn't stay either as she had a report due at work that she was behind on.

Mac was sitting with some people W/we know and I practically bounced in, full of love and lust and totally excited. Mac laughed at me announcing I was in love with Aragon and two of the other women there agreed. We talked about scenes from the movie and Mac watched me quietly as I filled on lust more and more.

One of the ladies mentioned that she would have Aragon in bed, on the table, in a chair. And I said 'Bugger that. He could throw me to the ground and just take me. That's what I want from Him.' All the women sighed.

Mac told me it was time to go and on the way home I kept nattering about Aragon and how Male he was and how much I lusted him. When W/we arrived, I went to the computer room to check if I had comments on the blog and Mac followed me in.

Before I reached the desk He had seized me around the waist and told me to hold still. He pulled my dress over my head and grasped my bra and pulled it over my head too. I was standing there naked, breathless with anticipation and He tangled His hand in my hair and pulled me towards the desk. He turned me around and pushed me back against it so that I was almost sitting on the desktop but my feet were still on the floor. He stuck His foot between my feet and almost kicked them apart before undoing His jeans.

He moved in between my legs and He thrust Himself up into me. I was wet and I was ready for Him and still it hurt. I clung to Him and He bit my neck and kept thrusting into me. I tried to spread my legs wider but He couldn't get deep enough so He withdrew from me and grabbed my hair and spun me around, pushing my head down against the desk.

He forced Himself back into my cunt and thrust His cock into me harder than He ever has. He hurt me. It felt like He was splitting me apart. He had His legs either side of mine and He was grunting with the effort He was putting into slamming His cock into me. I started to whimper and He hissed at me to shut up and I bit my lip to keep myself from crying out.

I came, whimpering in spite of trying to stay quiet and He leaned over me and bit my shoulder hard and I screamed. He reached beneath me and squeezed my tits, brutally pinching my nipples and I screamed again. His cock kept pounding into me and I felt bruised and raw and I was sobbing uncontrollably and I came again.

He stopped and enjoyed the contractions of my cunt on His cock then He tangled His hands in my hair and pulled my head of the desk and hissed in my ear.

'Enough of your cunt, I am going to fuck your ass now,' and He let my head fall back onto the desk.

I was afraid. I wanted Him to do it. I wanted His cock in my ass, but I knew that if He thrust into me the way He had used my cunt, it would hurt beyond belief. I started whimpering again and told Him yes and He laughed at me.

'I wasn't asking for your permission, slut.'

He spread my ass cheeks and positioned His cock against my asshole and He grunted again as He forced His way into me. He growled at me to 'take it' while I shuddered and cried out and pushed back against Him. He was thrusting in my ass and I was crying and He grabbed my hair again and pulled my head back, twisting my face towards His. He gripped my throat and bit at my lips while I choked.

I came again as the world blacked out and He let me go and withdrew from my ass. I was sobbing and gasping and trying hard to focus on what was going on when He pulled me from the desk and turned me and pushed me to my knees. I felt dizzy and I was still gasping for air and He forced His cock into my mouth and I gagged and I choked and He pulled His cock back and thrust into my mouth again. Each time He pushed Himself into me my head would bang against the desk and I felt even dizzier and I was still crying and I needed more air.

He pulled His cock out of my mouth and I swallowed huge gulps of air, still shuddering and it felt like I was still coming. He dragged me from the desk by my hair and pulled my legs out from under me and I fell back against the floor. He straddled me and again He forced His cock into my mouth and fucked my throat deeper. I tried to relax, I tried to think about what I was doing but I wanted more than ever just to breathe and I couldn't.

Then His cock was out of my mouth again and I was pulling air back into my body. He slapped me. Hard. He slapped the other cheek. He slapped me again and again and again and I whimpered and turned my head back to take the next blow.

He dragged me back to my knees with His hand in my hair. He slapped me again, across the face and He slapped both my breasts.

'Suck this cock, cunt.'

Slap

'Suck it, bitch.'

Slap.

'Lick my balls, fucking slut'

Slap.

My body was wracked with sobs. I wanted to suck on Him. I wanted to make Him come but I couldn't think how I would even do that. He was stroking His cock between each slap and I just couldn't work out how to get His cock into my mouth.

'I am going to come on your face, bitch.'

Slap.

Him coming on my face was something I could grasp the concept of.

'Yes,' I gasped. 'Come on my face.

Slap

'Say please, cunt' He growled.

Slap

'Come on my face, please.' I pleaded.

Slap

'Call me Sir, you little bitch.'

Slap

'Come on my face. Please. Sir.'

I knew I was going to break. I couldn't handle anymore. I knew the next time He hit me I would shatter into a thousand pieces and I would never be whole again.

And He came. And I watched Him as His hot semen landed against my stinging cheeks and over my face. I remember wondering who He was and why I felt such a sense of relief and then I crumpled into a little ball on the floor and I did shatter into a thousand pieces.

He managed to pick me up and carry me to a chair and He cradled me in His lap like a baby. He held me, He rocked me and He stroked my hair and spoke softly too me. He let me sob until I was all cried out.

W/we showered together and He washed me so carefully and He kissed me so softly that I started to cry all over again. W/we dried off and He led me to the bedroom and covered U/us both in the huge quilt. He snuggled me into Him and He told me I was a good girl and that I was His and that He wouldn't let me go and He stayed awake, watching me, until I fell asleep.

There is another story to tell about when W/we woke, but for today I will leave it there. This was the most intense rough sex W/we have ever had and I am still feeling the consequences. I know that I love Him more than I ever have and I know that I trust Him deeper. I did shatter into a thousand pieces, but He has put every one of them back together again and I do feel whole and calm and content.

He told me that He did it because He felt that I needed it. I needed a very powerful and dominant Male to take me and use me. I need my Male and He was right. I did need it. I was building up to it and revisiting the rape fantasy and watching the movie had taken me to the edge. Mac just pushed me over it.

And He caught me when I reached the bottom.

A girl couldn't ask for more than that.

I have a rape fantasy. It is a very scary thing for me to admit. Rape is wrong, very wrong and I know women are hurt by it, more women than we will ever know, and it happens every day. Yet I am not alone in having a rape fantasy, many women have them. Some women try and live them out with their partners. I don't want to live my rape fantasy. I am quite content to keep it as a fantasy. I will admit though, there are times that Mac and I will be mucking around playfully and He will get the better of me and pin me down and my playfulness will turn to immediate lust at being His captive. I can't help it, being helpless whilst I know I am safe, turns me on.

I used to be ashamed of my fantasy. I had good reason to be, my older sister whom I respected and loved told me it was disgusting. When I was a teenager I had a book that was a favourite of mine. It was a throwaway novel called 'Torture Tomb' (I cant remember the author). It was about a twenty year old woman that was kidnapped and sold to these two men that made 'snuff films' in a dungeon they had dug into the ground. Whilst there she was tortured and raped and made to perform acts she found degrading. In the end witches and a guy that was into BDSM rescued her. I found it very arousing and I would often masturbate whilst reading it, or while imagining a scene from the book.

Then I gave it to my sister to read. She was disgusted. She never even made it into the heavy stuff, just the first few paragraphs in. She told me I was a freak to be reading such things and called me sick and I realised that I was the only one who had thoughts like this and I threw the book away, but I never stopped thinking about it.

There was a time about a year into this relationship with Mac that I got angry with myself for still having fantasies like that and I decided to tell Him about them. I did it over a few days, starting with a rather tame fantasy with a 'look at what Your sweet girls thinks about, can't You see how terrible she is' email while He was at work. His reply was, 'Baby, you are so erotic.' So the next day I got dirtier and His reply was 'I adore your sexuality.' And the next day I got dirtier still. Each night W/we had noisy messy sex and the next day I would try and show Him my disgusting side again.

Then came the rape fantasy. I told Him this in person, tentatively, whispering, unable to look at Him. I didn't actually tell Him what the fantasy entailed, just about the book and my sister's disgust and how I enjoyed reading about the rape, masturbated to it and even had a fantasy of my own about rape that I masturbated too. He wasn't shocked and He wasn't horrified, He said it was a normal fantasy that many women have. He wasn't disgusted in me and He didn't think I was sick. He found it all very interesting and enticing. He never has fantasies about raping women, it's not His thing, but He wanted me to tell Him about my fantasy. He always is interested in what turns me on, in what makes me come.

When I had written Him the fantasy, He told me I was a good girl and that He loved me and I didn't need to think I was bad anymore. I was free to enjoy the wickedness of it and revel in this side of my sexuality. The anger at myself is gone.

Below I have written my rape fantasy. Please remember it is a fantasy and not at all something I would actually want to occur to me. If fantasies of this type bother you, please don't read it.


I can feel the awful stickiness of the rapist's spunk between my thighs as I run naked through the woods. I can hear them taunting me, crashing through the woods behind me, beside me, in front of me. I have nowhere to go. I don't know how many of them there are. Is it five? Six? How many of them have already taken a turn before setting me free so they can hunt me down and rape me again? I can taste the panic rising in my throat and all I can do is keep running.

They are coming for me and I am helpless. I can feel my blood dried across my thigh from where one guy has wiped his hand after he slapped me and made me bleed. I can taste my blood in my mouth from where my lip is cut and swollen. I can still remember how hard his prick felt inside me while two others held me down and they are going to do it to me again and again and I can't stop them.

Then I run into the sunshine and they capture me again. Struggling is no use but I do anyway, screaming and crying, trying to pull away. The guy whose turn it is looks at me in disgust and announces he will not fuck a used cunt, and orders them to hold me belly down against a large rock. I am thrown against this rock. The surface is hot from the sun and burns my skin. Two hold my arms and I am unable to move and I feel him kneel between my legs. He presses his cock against my ass and I start to scream and the guys holding my arms start to laugh and he shoves his cock into me. And while he fucks my ass, he pulls my head back by the hair and he bites my shoulders and neck and each time I scream the other guys laugh and he bites harder and harder. He tells me how much I am enjoying it, how much I love a cock in my ass, how much I long to be fucked like this. He knows I want to be fucked by men every night, he knows I am really a whore, a slut and that I want to be fucked every way possible constantly. He speaks in a low growl, almost like a lover, as the skin of my belly and tits is rubbed raw on the rock with each thrust he takes in my burning ass. He fucks me past the point of pain and when he comes in my ass my own orgasm is deep and strong and I shudder as he stands and wipes his cock clean in my hair and then they are gone.

I curl up in a ball to protect myself and I cry, shuddering uncontrollably. Then a voice taunts me from the woods and I know I have to run again.

Whilst Mac and I were having my recent issues, people noticed that I was a little colder towards Him than normal. Although I never told anyone what was going on, I got a lot of unasked for advice from a girlfriend that I have known for a long time. We used to be really close, but she actually dislikes Mac and it makes it rather hard for me to talk to her, knowing she would be much happier if I wasn't with Him.

Her advice horrified me. She told me that when she and her partner are fighting, she withholds sex. On purpose. I know that Mac and I went without any sex for four days, but there was no concerted effort on either of O/our parts to withhold sex. I was being horrible to Him and therefore He had no desire for sex. If He had wanted it, asked for it, demanded it, hinted at it, He would have gotten it. My desire to please Him never changed, I just couldn't see how to do it.

She told me she doesn't give her partner sex unless he has done something for her. No blow job unless he has vacuumed, no intercourse unless he has washed up, no kissing unless he has put away all his clothes. She said it took her a couple of years to get him to understand that she has to be happy before He gets what He wants, but it was worth it. By this stage I was feeling rather ill.

I can't ever imagine a situation where bribery and blackmail are good for a relationship. I don't please Mac because of something He has done. I please Mac because I want too.

I mean, lets just imagine for it for a moment:

Mac's hands tangle in my hair as He forces me down to my knees. My fingers reach automatically for His pants, undoing them and freeing His already stiffening cock. I kiss it gently then look up at Him with lust in my eyes and whisper huskily 'Darling, did You take out the garbage?'

He freezes mid moan, with a sudden realisation in His eyes. 'Damn baby, I forgot.'

'Oh.' I say, standing up and dusting off my knees. 'Well, I guess if you don't have time to take out the garbage...'

Is anyone else seeing a girl aching for an argument?

I know people conduct their relationships differently and I know in some relationships, orgasm denial is part of the play and orgasms as a reward are used, but these are an acknowledged and agreed to part of the relationship, not just one person using sex against the other to get what they want.

I know in O/our relationship this would be a power that Mac would hold over me. I am the one that wants sex more often, I would be the one doing extra chores to please Him if He wanted it that way and I wonder just how long it would take before I resented that He was using it against me.

I think I have said before that I initiate sex between Mac and I, but that's not entirely true. I don't actually initiate the act itself, it's always His choice, what I do is encourage Him to be turned on. I entice Him into sex. I do this in a number of ways, like bringing the lotion to Him the other day and telling Him I wanted it on my breasts. I hoped it would achieve the reaction that it did. I also dress in the clothes He likes. I love that look of desire He gets when He sees me dressed up in an outfit He knows that I have worn especially for Him. I add sex to this blog, knowing that it turns Him on. I tell Him when I am ovulating.

Mac is not silly, He knows perfectly well that the things that I do are meant to entice Him to O/our bed. He enjoys it. He likes knowing that I will go out of my way to please Him. He likes knowing that I want Him that much. He has never used it against me and it would be a great breach of trust between U/us if He did.

Yesterday morning, He remedied the situation of only leaving a little semen on my breasts by coming all over them while I tit-fucked Him again. W/we talked for a little while, then He got up to go shower. I rolled onto my tummy and presented my ass up in the air. He grinned at me and told me 'No' and I smiled at Him and said 'Okay' and kept my ass in the air. He walked past me running His hand over my ass as He walked out the door. He was gone for maybe all of five seconds before He came back in the door and said 'For christ's sake woman, do you ever stop?' and I giggled as He climbed back on the bed and knelt behind me.

It was hard and it was deep and He made me push my thighs together to put more pressure on His cock and god I love it when He makes those noises as He comes. So after the four days without, He has come five times in two days, I really feel quite smug about that.

Last night when W/we went to bed He touched me. Not my clitoris, or even my cunt, but He touched me all over. He stroked the back of my knees and the inside of my elbows, the area below my breasts and my neck. He touched my tummy and my back and my inner thighs. He turned me on my side so that He could mould His body to mine behind me and He kissed my ear lobe. His arm was thrown over me, His hand rested on my breast with His fingers idly caressing my nipple. He hadn't been into the office yesterday and His unshaven jaw scratched against my neck and made me shiver.

'You are Mine.' He whispered. 'You are beautiful and desired and adored.'

I wanted to hold Him and I wanted to touch Him and I wanted to ask Him not to let go, but my back was to Him and I felt so warm and drowsy that I couldn't find the strength to turn over, or find the words to speak. I felt spoilt and cherished and I fell asleep before He did for the second night in a row.

I like being loved.

I like it very much.

Some things have happened here recently that I didn't fully appreciate at the time. I am a very sensual and sexual person (not that you could tell) and I tend to make judgement on my relationships with sex and pleasure as a measuring stick.

Good sex=He is pleased=Good relationship.
Bad or non-existent sex=He is not pleased=Bad relationship.

While I was busy having my little 'I hate me so don't touch me' hissy fit, Mac was pretty much busy leaving me alone. He said that my behaviour was hardly an aphrodisiac as I was cold and morose and I kept pushing Him away. So from Sunday to Thursday morning there was no semen. This bothered me a lot. More than it should.

I asked Mac yesterday why was there no affection and He looked at me in total surprise. He pointed out a few things that I had simply missed, or at least glossed over, because they were not blindingly obvious affection. When I stopped and thought about them, they were deeply loving and very protective. Sometimes I forget to count the little things, and they are the things that mean so very much.

We were sitting with some friends at the pub and laughing about the conversation Christine was having with Dan on her phone. Everyone was hinting at a sexual side to her short conversation and she took it good naturedly, blushing and giggling and relaying messages from Dan to us and us back to Dan. She hung up and said she had to go do something and she got up from the table and walked away in the direction of the bathroom.

Of course this made everyone laugh some more and allude to what she might be doing. Another friend, Diane, came over to say hello and Christine came back from the toilets and announced that she had washed her hands, to which I said 'She DID touch herself!' and the whole table broke into fits of giggles. Diane was not impressed and looked at me coldly and said 'Sarah, get off that topic'. Everyone went quiet and I was embarrassed, I hate having that type of attention drawn to me.

Mac very calmly said 'Excuse me, Diane, the sexual innuendo has been flying around this table for at least 15 minutes and for the most part Sarah has stayed out of it. Perhaps next time you wish to join us, you might like to get a feel for the conversation before you become censorial and self-righteous.' Diane mumbled something about having other people to see and left.

What He did when He defended me like that was very special. He knows how much I hate little attacks like Diane's and He knew that it would bother me for some time. He knew that I was deeply embarrassed and I would fret over having offended her and He knew that I was not in the wrong. So He made sure that she knew it and I knew it too. Instead of being something to worry about, I forgot about it completely until He mentioned it to me when pointing out the affectionate things He had done. It had made me feel a whole lot better about being me but at the time I didn't see it as the loving thing it was. And above all of that, no one speaks to His girl like that and gets away with it when He is around. It feels very safe to know that when He is around I can relax and just be me.

So the Great Four Day Semen Drought ended yesterday morning in a big way. It wasn't at all what I was expecting and turned into one of those situations where no matter how high the level of passion is, some things are just funny...

I woke Him a little early and much to my disappointment, instead of wanting to fuck me, He just wanted food. I made U/us breakfast and while W/we were eating He asked me what I had put in the blog. I said that I had written about ovulating. That got His attention. After breakfast He told me to come to the room with Him while He read the blog. I did and I knelt next to Him stroking His cock while He read. He came quickly and I wasn't expecting it and didn't even have time to put my mouth on Him while He was coming.

I said to Him that it hadn't taken long and He shrugged and said 'Sometimes, you just make me come.' I giggled and licked at His semen on my hand and He looked at me with mock sternness and sent me to shower.

After the shower I was putting a new moisturising cream on my face and enjoying the soft silky feel of it when I suddenly thought I should tell Mac how nice it feels. He loves it when I am all girlie. I took the cream to Him. He was still working. I put His hand against my cheek and told Him that I thought it made my skin feel like silk and that I wanted to try it on my breasts, but I was worried that if I did I would want to play with my tits all day.

He scowled at me and told me I was a horny little witch and I grinned at Him. He had me kneel and put the cream on my breasts while He watched. When I was done and my breasts were well and truly moisturised He demanded that I suck His cock. I did, taking Him deeply into my throat but He almost immediately withdrew and told me to lie on my back on the floor.

He entered me without any fuss and I held on to Him tighter than I ever had before. I brought Him to the edge of orgasm and then He would hold back from me and force me to come instead. I had my legs wrapped around Him and I was pulling Him into me with my hands and I was desperate to make Him come and He was enjoying my desperation.

I whispered to Him that I couldn't take much more, that His cock was stretching me open and He lost His concentration and He came. I was kissing Him and gurgling and feeling very triumphant. I kept clenching on Him because I know how much He loves it and He called me a horny fucking bitch and told me to fuck His still hard cock with my tits.

He lay on His back and I knelt between His legs and I held my tits around His cock and slid them along Him. He moaned and growled and was almost at the point of orgasm before I started. I begged Him to cover my tits in His semen and His orgasm was short and intense and when His body relaxed He started to laugh. I looked at Him a little worried and asked what was so funny and He pointed out that there was hardly enough semen from the last orgasm to cover one nipple let alone my tits and then I was laughing too. I laughed until I had tears in my eyes and Mac was holding me and laughing too. And it felt so good to be laughing with Him like that.

He rang me at lunchtime, just to say hello and see how my morning out had gone. It was very nice and warm to hear His voice and although He couldn't talk for long, I know what He really called for was to say He loved me, even if those words weren't said.

Then last night before bed, I was talking to wench on pager and Mac was standing beside me pretending to be Winston Churchill after watching a show on WWII on the television. I was full of giggles at Him and it was gorgeous to watch Him being such a boy.

In bed last night W/we kissed and W/we kissed and W/we kissed some more. Soft, gentle, loving, 'I could kiss like this forever' type kisses. I tried to talk to Him, to tell Him just how much I love Him but He told me to hush and covered my mouth with His and W/we kissed again. Then He tucked me into His chest and wrapped His arms around me and that always makes me feel so small and protected.

I faded off to sleep fast and it was a long deep sleep and when I woke this morning He was the first thing I saw and I fell in love with Him all over again. I am still trying hard not to cry with happiness.

I love Him so very very much.

Yesterday, in the morning I tried so very hard to see a happy place and all I could see was darkness so in the end, I showed you darkness. It wasn't meant to upset or worry anyone. It was just that I needed to get it out of me. Mac and I talked afterwards. It was a good honest talk from a place where neither of U/us allowed emotions to get in the way. W/we talked about what W/we were thinking and what W/we were feeling and how much I need to please Him and how pleased He is with me. I was feeling like I failed, but He pointed out that I am a good little soldier following orders and I am making Him proud of me in the process so W/we are moving past the icky spot and onto something positive and I feel good about that.

As for if it is based in reality, my mother was a very sick woman when I was young. Depression tends to force you to focus on the person who demands the most of your emotions. I was the only child left at home and my mother and I spent 24 hours a day 7 days a week in each other's company. She asked a Dr for help before she ever hurt me and the Dr told her that if she couldn't handle the children she had, she shouldn't have had them and gave her a prescription for Valium, which just made her sleepy. My father threw them out. She started to see me as the cause of all her problems and if I would just behave myself everything else would be all right. Irrational, I know, but she truly believed it. I don't hold any bad feelings towards her, she was sick and she got better and she is my mum.

I have been watching Mac fall exhausted into bed for the past few days and I know that work is keeping Him busy. I also know that I am ovulating and had it not been for the smack in the mouth a few days back I would have raped Him by now, if He was sleepy or not. I tend not to care if He actually wants to fuck when I go through this stage. I am frustrated and edgy and very much in need of His semen. The reason that the smack has held me back is because I was still trying to find a comfortable place to be with Him. Yesterday I found that place and last night when W/we were out with friends I shone. I thought maybe He would want to make love to me, but when W/we got home He had some work to finish off and by the time He got to bed, I was completely and soundly asleep. As sleep was part of the problem I am having, I have to get as much of it as I can.

Even my gorgeous builders have gone, their job done. I look out my window at the lovely new house across the street and I sigh. Yes they were just a fantasy, but it was a NICE fantasy and I miss them.

I remember when they first arrived Mac watched me watch them and He knew why I was looking. When W/w were in bed He wound a delicious tale of gorgeous sex into my head while He toyed with me until I was begging Him to stop and begging Him to never stop and I thought I would never come down from the height of orgasm again.

I will try and tell it the way He did. My apologies to Him if I stuff it up.

I have this recurring vision of a young married woman. She is beautiful and married to a much older man. Work is being done on her house and the builder already has her submitted. She is totally thrilled with how he dominates her. She has never known this kind of man. She grew up like a princess, private schooling, holiday resorts, always protected from the outside world. Suddenly she is obsessed with a hard, rough, sometimes brutal male and she can't get enough.
This day she is standing at an upstairs window, half hidden by the curtain. She is smiling and waving to her husband as he leaves for work. Hidden beside her is her lover his cock already engorged. She has the fingers of her non-waving hand round it. Her husband turns to reverse down the drive and she moans ferally and quickly bows her head to lick her lover's precum.

There are 8 men working at the house. She knows she will spend the morning being used by them all and she is soaked in anticipation. He told her yesterday that today she would fuck all his men and she was up at 6am, bathing, waxing, anticipating. She is nervous but the thought of him allowing his men to use her and being allowed to pleasure them is thrilling to her.

He will sometimes watch and will be pleasured himself, but work is there to do and He won't spend all day with her. She knows he is near and would come to her instantly if she called. She is expected to be ready for anyone who wants her.

The first two come in when he is still there they watch as she caresses his cock. The only one not nervous is he. She can sense their lust as he holds her hair and thrusts his cock roughly into her mouth. One of the men tentatively frees his cock and her lover withdraws from her mouth. The men wait for her reaction to the exposed cock of the newcomer. She looks at him in silence, then she smiles.

'Mmmmmmmmm' she says, then like a good girl she snakes her tongue back to her lovers cock. He thrusts again and she feels him quicken and swell and just as he starts to orgasm she pulls back slightly, wanting the two men to see his semen start to spurt. They watch breathlessly and she closes her mouth over her lover to take all into her throat. When he has finished he zips himself up. She turns to the others and casually wipes her chin with the back of her hand and looks each in the eye in turn as she licks the semen from her hand.

'Ok boys,' she breathes, 'how may I please you?'

The morning passes. She is taken and used all ways and when her lover visits her later she is tied. Her hands are above her head, shackled with chains to the bed. Her legs are wound around a sturdy workman and her lover can see that the workman's cock is pumping her hard. She is kissing him passionately and moaning.

Watching is two more, masturbating impatiently. One is the first she had this morning. This is his third time and when he kneels beside her head and offers her his cock she laughs and asks how much he can have left having fucked her pussy and her ass already. It is not long before she finds out.

By lunchtime every man has come with her at least twice and still she greets each with pleasure and lust. As soon as they kneel between her legs she pulls them into her and kisses them or sucks their neck. If she is turned over to be ass fucked she pushes back and squirms. With each man each time her only thought is pleasing him and she feels that as a drive like no other. Even the younger ones, who at first came almost instantly, brought from her a giggle of sheer delight. What does it matter if a cock spurts over her tits even before she can get her mouth around it? He was still thrilled with her enough to come.
One guy roughly announced he had never ass fucked, so she turned over eagerly and presented to him. He moaned as he approached her and as she felt his penis touch her, she felt his orgasm splash hotly on to her. She laughed, turned and licked him clean.

'Next time,' she said. 'Do it next time.'

One man fucked her ass for a long time, rough and gentle. She sensed his experience. Then he got rough and bit her shoulder hard. The guys watching were startled and wondered if she would call her lover. She moaned and she came and she begged him to be rougher. His cock seemed huge and he was so deep that the guys behind could see his balls pressed against her. When he withdrew they could see semen, his, and others' trickling to her vagina.

That's when she laid on top of the next, his cock in her pussy while his mate pressed his cock to her ass. He didn't enter her, but came between her cheeks while he was still trying to.

At one point she was lying on her back being fucked, sucking a man's neck when she suddenly turned to the two watchers and said simply 'suck my breasts.' They did gently.

'No,' she said, 'rougher. Bite them, mark them, suck them.' From then her breasts got much attention and became very very very sore and still she asked for more.


I think those were the highlights. I came and came and came some more and there was much moaning and much whimpering and much begging while He just kept whispering to me about this poor poor princess that was being brutally used the way I wanted to be used. He was vicious with His teeth and gentle with His tongue and I was well used, bruised and semen filled by the time He was finished.

I am looking at the clock and wondering if there will be enough time to fuck me before work. I have to go out today and I so want to feel His pleasure leaking down my thighs when I do. I want to go wake Him.

I need Him.

I really do.

She woke slowly, almost lazily and opened her eyes. At least she thought she did. She blinked and still the darkness closed in on her. Her head pounded heavily with a nasty ache that started at the top of her spine. She tried to bring her hand to her face and discovered that it wouldn't move. Quickly, on the edge of panic she tried to move the other hand and discovered it too seemed stuck. Her muscles worked, she could feel her fingers flex and her wrists twist, but the space around her was too tight for her to be able to do much more than that. Suddenly she was scared. Where was she? Why was the space so small? How did she get in here? She tried to talk but all that come out was a low moan and that frightened her all the more. She screamed.

She had no idea how long she screamed for. Sweat had drenched her body and as it had run down her legs and arms she had imagined tiny spiders running all over her and at that point she had become hysterical, a tiny switch had tripped inside her head and she had lost herself completely until the darkness swallowed her up.

When she came aware again, her throat was dry and sore. She could now only make a raspy pathetic sound that scared her again. This time she fought for control and managed to keep it for now. The smell of urine filled the air and she realised with horror that she had wet herself. She hated the smell, just hated it. She knew what it always reminded her of and she didn't want to think about it in here, in the dark but she couldn't stop it from happening again.

Suddenly she was four again, playing on the orange mat in her brother's room. She was playing with her Mr Potato Head, the one she got for her birthday. She had kept all the pieces in the box. Mustn't let them spill on the floor. Mummy didn't like a mess. She heard a sound at the doorway and looked up to see her mummy standing there. She smiled, but mummy didn't smile back. This worried the little girl. Then she saw the strap in mummy's hand. She stood really quickly, the fear in her obvious.

'Get undressed' mummy said.

Her fear turned to terror and a part of her registered the warmth running down her leg. She watched, fascinated and horrified at the way her urine pooled at her feet before it soaked into the mat.

She looked at her mother, trembling, knowing that she had committed an awful crime.

'I am sorry mummyyyyyy.' The last word had risen in pitch as her mother had flown across the room at her and started tearing at the clothes on her.

'You dirty dirty girl. You naughty, evil girl. I wish you hadn't been born.' When she was naked her mother had punctuated each of the words with a stroke of the strap, again and again and she had curled herself over her own wee and protected her head while her mother went to work on her back and bottom.

She pleaded at first, 'Please mummy, I will be a good girl, please mummy please.' But eventually she fell into a whimpering much like the sound she was making now.

She shook her head vigorously to chase away the memories that tormented her. Pain shot across her brain and she moaned softly. She was six now, a big girl, and mummy didn't hit her with the strap any more.

She needed to think clearly. She closed her eyes tightly so that sparks of light shot out of the darkness and tried to remember what had happened. She had been playing outside with the dog. It was her sister's dog, a silly old Dalmatian called Lady. Lady had been playing rough and she remembered her mother telling her that the dog would hurt her. She had listened to her mum and kept playing with Lady anyway.

She remembered the dog running toward her really fast and knocking the feet out from underneath her. She remembered the pain in her head as she hit the ground and the sky looking really blue but there was nothing after that.

'Mummy?' she whispered to the darkness. 'I promise to be good now. I wont be the naughty girl anymore.'

She heard the snap of a switch and small pieces of light found its way around a door she could now make out. The door opened and her mother stood over her.

'Oh baby girl, what are you doing in there?'

The little girl started crying again as her mother lifted her out of the locker that her father had left lying on the garage floor. Her mother covered her in kisses and she was happy to be saved. Mummy opened the garage door and took her inside the house for a nice warm bath and gave her some biscuits and warm milk, cooing and gurgling to her little girl the whole time.

It wasn't until much later that the little girl remembered that she didn't know how she had gotten into the locker. It wasn't until later that she wondered how she had managed to shut the lid. She wondered when she had taken off her clothes and she wondered why she had gone to the garage in the dark. She wondered why her mother never told anyone what she had done. She thought about it for a long and quiet time. And when she had thought about it enough, she put it in a place with other things she didn't like to think.

She loved her mother very much.

I got a verbal smack in the mouth last night. I deserved it. I have been pushing for it for quite a while. I tend to wait until something is perfect, build it up to a point where I think it cant get any better, then set about sabotaging it because I don't think I deserve it. Mac is tired of it and I don't blame Him. It exhausts me and I am the one doing it.

I could wallow in this. He really didn't hold back, He told me straight out what He was thinking and it wasn't very pretty and it hurt. But wallowing won't get U/us anywhere and I don't feel like doing it anymore. So instead I am going to look at it like this:

I can't change what I did yesterday, but that is over. Today I have a chance to live it right.

I am sure someone somewhere put it much more eloquently than that, but for me, that will do.

And what is living it right? It starts a lot like this:

"She sat comfortably on His lap, facing Him, her legs wrapped easily around His back. His hands held her ass, pressing her closer to Him almost as if being a part of her was not close enough. Her hands were tangled into His hair, pulling at it gently as she let it run through her fingers over and over. She kissed His forehead, His eyes, His cheeks and His nose before her lips found His again. Their tongues duelled silently, each trying to find purchase inside the others mouth.

She used His hair to pull His face from hers and smiled softly at Him, her eyes glittering. Keeping one hand entwined in His hair she used the other to hold a breast to His mouth, guiding Him onto her nipple. Both hands threaded back into His hair as He suckled at her breast. She held Him to her, letting her head fall back, a sigh of pleasure escaping her lips as her vaginal muscles clench again and again with each suck that He took.

She gave herself up to His control, allowing Him to time the tightening of her cunt for His pleasure. He eased her nipple from His mouth then took possession of her other breast, treating it in the same manner. The feeling of fullness overwhelmed her and she bucked and writhed, squirming on His hardness. Her hands pressed His head against her breast and she felt His teeth sink into her skin as she came violently on His cock. She screamed and swore as He pulled her onto Him, clenching rhythmically as He pushed even deeper inside her.

She caught her breath and tugged His hair again, pulling His mouth from her breast. He grinned at her and she quickly covered His grin with her mouth, teasing His tongue with her own, forcing it to chase hers into her mouth. Her lips sucked at His tongue and she felt Him stir deep inside her and she clenched her vaginal muscles tightly against His movements. He growled softly and she sucked harder at both His tongue and His cock. His orgasm exploded inside her and she grinned as He shuddered in her arms. Once more she pulled His head back before biting at His neck sucking on His blood. She tightened her muscles on Him, drawing the last of the semen out of Him. He pulled her from His neck and she grinned at Him again before she kissed Him deeply, gently rocking her body against His.

She rested her head on His shoulder as He whispered to her words of love and pleasure. She smiled and squirmed and placed her tongue against the pulse in His neck. He stroked her back and she twirled His hair around her fingers. She clenched her cunt against His cock and moved quietly to kiss Him time and time again. She knew that words could not explain what she felt and so she kissed Him some more. He snuggled her into His chest and He held her against Him and kept the world at bay. She rested, keeping Him inside her, a part of her, waiting until He needed her again."

When Mac got home, we were all up and making breakfast. His flight had been delayed. He was an hour or so later than I had hoped. W/we didn't get to sneak a few minutes alone but He did manage to whisper wicked things in my ear.

W/we all ate breakfast together. Mac told us about the country He had been in and the awful flight He had and made us laugh. He made offhand references to the night before and made us blush. Emma and I got Him back a couple of times but He just grinned at us. Claire was mostly quiet though she didn't seem to be out of place.

After breakfast He told Emma to stay and He told Claire He would like it if she stayed too, but He needed to be alone with me for a little while. I think He knew that although I was forgiven I needed to please Him. I needed to be the one to take His pleasure and He took me to the bedroom and gave it to me. I shan't tell you what was said and done because it was full of love and lust and somehow more personal than ordinary sex. W/we snuggled up together and He drifted off to sleep.

I was relieved and it was exactly what I needed. Knowing that I am forgiven and forgiving myself are two separate things and I somehow couldn't forgive me until I had brought Him pleasure to wipe away the bad.

I wonder if that is why make-up sex is so good? Just the relief at knowing that all the anger and hard feelings are gone and nothing lingers there for either of you to worry about. Some people find that spanking wipes away the guilt, some find solace in punishment, I take my comfort from His semen leaking from me and the knowledge that I have brought Him pleasure that made Him growl with its release.

Emma did spend the day and so did Claire and it was even more decadent than the night before or perhaps I was just that tiny bit more relaxed and allowed myself to enjoy it a little more.

I will share with you just a tiny bit of O/our day.

"She stretched and yawned and looked over at Him sleeping soundly. She felt a tightening of her muscles just from drinking in the sight of Him. She wanted to come again but she knew He would not be pleased at being woken so soon after He had fallen asleep. She thought she should go see what the other girls were up too.

It didn't take long to find Emma and Claire in another room. She just followed the sound of the moans. They lay together, each touching the other tenderly. Emma saw her first and smiled. She grinned at her and moved across the floor to the bed. 'Don't let me interrupt' she said softly and climbed onto the end of the bed to watch. Claire giggled. 'We heard you and Him.' She said shyly and giggled some more.
'Oh,' His girl said. 'Tell me what you heard?'

Claire blushed and Emma stroked her reddened cheek before moving to suck on her nipple. 'Well,' said Claire quietly, 'We heard you moaning and sobbing and Him grunting and groaning and you calling His name, and Him growling and I...' she faltered. 'Go on,' His girl whispered. 'Tell me, please?' Emma still sucked tenderly at Claire's now swollen nipples. Claire's blush deepened along with the desire in her eyes.

'I almost felt Him come inside you.' Claire hid her face in the pillow. His girl smiled softly. 'He did come inside me,' she whispered. 'Would you like to see?'

Claire gasped and nodded. Emma's attention left the breast she was attending too to watch His girl as she opened her legs to them. His semen was visible both from where it had leaked already to her thighs and also as it continued to leak from her cunt. She grinned as Claire licked her lips and grinned again as Emma's eyes also filled with lust. She slid a finger along her cunt and held it out to Claire. 'Would you like to taste?' Claire nodded and moved forward to greedily lick His semen from her fingers. 'Mmmmm more' groaned Claire and His girl held open her cunt in invitation. She moaned when Claire's tongue touched her and again when it slid inside her. Claire licked greedily at the semen leaking from her as well as paying attention to her swollen clit. His girl lay back and let her cunt be explored and probed by Claire's soft gentle tongue. She felt herself being kissed and caressed and loved almost to the point of orgasm. She looked for Emma and saw her masturbating gently while looking at her breasts. His girl looked down to see the bruised teeth marks He had left on them. She smiled at Emma. 'Would you like to kiss them better?' Emma moved eagerly to her side and kissed and licked and sucked on her aching breasts. She gave herself up to the soft sensations of two mouths bringing her pleasure and she allowed herself to be carried into bliss...

It was at least an hour later that He woke and went looking for His girl. He found her curled lazily with Emma and Claire, the three of them flushed from girlish lovemaking. She smiled softly as He entered the room and brought her stickily wet fingers to her mouth to lick.

'Whose cunt is it that you are tasting, slut?' He asked as He crossed the room and grabbed her hand. 'All three' she whispered quietly while she looked at Him with undisguised lust. He leant over her, bringing her fingers back to her mouth and meeting both with His tongue. Emma snuggled closer and Claire shyly reached to touch Him and her muscles clenched tightly at what was still to come..."

Emma called yesterday and invited me to dinner and although I didn't really feel like going I didn't feel like staying home and I had a thought that Mac might have initiated the invitation. This was quickly confirmed when Mac called straight after Emma to make sure that I had said yes.

We ate early at a tiny little restaurant where the food was plentiful and the owner told us jokes and encouraged us to eat more than we could. We lingered over coffee, watching the place fill up with a dinnertime crowd as we talked about anything that came to mind. It was warm and it was comfortable and it made me remember just how precious good company is.

Emma asked if I was ready to go home but I didn't feel like it yet, even though I knew Emma was going to spend the night. I didn't feel like being wicked but I did want to go dancing so we decided on a nice place that plays music that you can sing along too and not just that 'doof doof' beat.

That's where we met Claire. Emma and Claire knew each other through mutual friends and she had been about to leave when she had spotted Emma and come to say hello. We chatted and we flirted and the mutual attraction was obvious. Claire's eyes lit up when Emma mentioned she was staying with me. I told her that if she wanted to stay too I needed to ask Mac and I called Him and asked.

He talked to me, then He talked to Emma and then He talked to Claire and He made her laugh and He made her blush and He told her not to tell us what He said, and she wouldn't. Then He talked to me again and told me to be decadent and told me that He loved me and He said goodnight.

Three girls in a bed, full of giggles and warmth and delicious delight. So many hands and mouths and tongues and breasts and at times I wasn't sure whose body I was touching. And at times I wasn't sure whose hands were touching me. I know at one stage I was lying over Emma, kissing her and loving her while Claire's tongue travelled between both our pussies and I licked away Emma's tears when she came. There was more giggling and more kissing and when I woke this morning my fingers were still sticky despite having been licked clean.

Mac had asked Claire if she would stay at least until He met her and she agreed to do just that so Claire and Emma are still sleeping in O/our bed and still I have been watching the clock count down slowly.

He should be home soon.

I am sorry.

I didn't mean to say the things I said, do the things I did. I was angry and I was tired and You were in my line of fire. It didn't matter that it wasn't Your fault and it didn't matter that You tried to love me. I wanted someone else to hurt the way I hurt and it happened to be You.

And when I kneel before You and tell You I am sorry, I see that look in Your eyes that says You love me too. I hear Your words and I know I am forgiven but it feels too easy, too simple for the things that I have done.

I sleep fitfully, waking many times to watch the look of peaceful bliss upon Your face. You sleep soundly, innocently, like a babe that knows its next meal is no more than a whimper away. I love You more than I have the words to say.

W/we wake early and I watch as the cab makes You leave me. A meeting in another country means I will be spending the night alone. I want You back and I don't deserve You and the sobs come from deep within my soul.

The phone rings and I snatch at it, knowing it can be only You.

'You are a good girl, you are my good girl and its over, let it go.'

W/we say goodbye again.

The bed feels so big without You in it, my body aches without You next to it. My fingers find their way to my cunt. I tremble and I shake and I please myself over and over, calling out Your name and wishing for Your touch, needing Your pleasure to make me whole again.

I fall asleep and wake to find the day half gone. I lie there watching the clock tick over. I count the hours as the minutes pass by.

20 hours to go.

Taisha asked, "Could you write about (if you haven't already) what it is that makes you willing/needing to submit to any dominate male even in the softest sense?"

I have given this some thought and I am not sure I can answer it. It isn't something that I am aware of or something that I do on purpose, but it is something that I do. It makes me feel comfortable and safe when I am submitting to a stronger male.

I actually have trouble communicating in a general sense. In large groups of people I often feel out of place and I become rather clumsy with my speech and body language. People were always getting the wrong message from me. They perceived me to be aggressive and I came off as someone who thought she was better than everyone else when really, that's not me at all. Even when Mac and I first meet, He thought I was rather bitchy towards Him and it took Him a little while to realise that it was just my insecurities showing through.

I have always believed that insults that other people have aimed at me were a criticism of my character instead of seeing them as more a reflection of the person being nasty. Some people seem to be able to shrug such things off and only worry about what people close to them think of them. I worry about what everyone thinks of me. If I could please everyone, I would be content

I have learnt to always be on show. I put on a witty front and am very much a smartass and people that don't see me with Mac tend to think I move more towards being a Domme. I can be funny and quick with a comeback. I can entertain a whole party. I am also careful about what I say, I never intentionally mean to hurt or insult anyone. I will apologise immediately and publicly if someone was upset or hurt by what I have said.

All this being on show and guarding my words is exhausting for me and I can only keep it up for a certain amount of time. When I find a strong male and submit, I no longer feel that I need to be acting. I don't feel I need to be in control, or entertaining anyone. I feel I can just relax and be me.

I guess that sounds a bit strange, I should be more on guard against the strongest male, but I have found that when I allow my submissive side to show to a dominant male it tends to bring out a protectiveness in them and if anyone dares to insult me, the male will take care of it. The more I allow my feminine side to show, the more powerfully male he will become and if I feel myself becoming aroused by him, his own arousal will rise and mine will feed off it. It is a powerfully strong attraction when it happens.

Not that long ago I was in a situation where I was away for a weekend and ended up in the same hotel as an international rugby team that were preparing for the recently held world cup. Mac was not with me and I went to the bar in the hotel feeling very self-conscious but before long I had attracted the attention of a couple of the players. One of them was a very take-charge sort of guy and upon learning that I liked rugby (I am a huge fan of the sport) he insisted that I sit with him and watch the game.

This guy was easily twice the size of me and none of it was flab. He could easily have held me down with one hand and sitting beside him made me feel very small. Each time he leant over to whisper in my ear to tell me why a ref had made a decision I would feel a shiver down my spine and my cunt would clench and when I would lean in close to ask him a question I would hear his breath catch and I knew he was aroused too.

The game finished and I knew I had to get away from this guy and I said I had to go and thanked him for explaining it to me and he walked me to the door of the bar and kissed my cheek and said goodnight. I almost ran back to my room.

I tried to call Mac but His phone was off, so I left Him a quick message and then I masturbated to the thought of the rugby player forcing me to my knees in the bar and forcing his cock into my mouth while the rest of the players looked on. I imagined him staying still while he held my hair and made me move my head so I was fucking him and he was using me to pleasure himself with very little effort on his part. I choked and I gagged and still he just kept pulling my head onto his cock over and over again. And all the men were watching this slut on her knees sucking on The Alpha Male's cock and none of them would dare touch me without his permission now.

When he pulled out of my mouth and started to come on my face before forcing himself inside my mouth again, they all watched the grateful way I accepted his pleasure and the way I sucked on him to make sure he was finished fully before he released my hair. His semen on my chin marked me as his and I knew that I had pleased him and that he protected me now.

Even while I was masturbating alone this thought filled me with warmth and I came thinking he could find me that pleasing.

I didn't speak to Mac until I got home the next day. He had watched the same game with some rugby mates and was a little under the weather due to the necessary drinking watching the game entails. I told him that I didn't know if the guy had been aroused at all but Mac just grinned and said that no man bothers to explain his game unless he is interested in the woman he is explaining it too.

I was blushing and Mac made me tell Him my fantasy. I asked if it made Him angry but He pointed out that my first action had been to run to my room and call Him and it was hard to be upset about that but He did want me on my knees and He did use me for His pleasure and He did come on my face and in my mouth. I grinned and knew that The Alpha Male was pleased with me.

No one would dare hurt me now.

Before I belonged to Mac I was depressed. Not just sad and lonely, but clinically depressed. I actually considered leaving this out of here, but as Mac said to me yesterday, it is a part of me. I was not always depressed, but there were times in my life that began in my teenage years where I experienced long periods of blackness. For months on end I would be exhausted and sleepless and I felt dead inside and each and every day was a struggle just to get through. Nothing would make me happy, nothing could touch me on the inside and I hated myself.

I would go for weeks without saying anything to anyone except to answer questions that I was asked. I would only eat as much as I had too to escape attention from my parents. Everything tasted like it was rotten and I would heave on each mouthful. I had a constant headache that no amount of painkillers could ease. This could last up to half a year and then it would go away and I would be relieved and I would go out and live again. Then it would come back.

Eventually it was diagnosed as depression when I allowed someone outside the family see how much I was hurting myself and much to my embarrassment I was not allowed to be left alone. There was medication and there was a psychiatrist and there was talk of hospitalisation but my family refused to allow me to be 'locked up.' My mum and dad and my sister all took turns at making sure that there was someone with me at all times.

Months later I was no longer considered a danger to myself but it took a toll on my family. Their lives had been disrupted a lot by me and felt an awful amount of guilt. A couple of years later it happened again and again they refused to allow hospitalisation only this time the medication didn't help. They tried four different types over a year and my family were exhausted and angry with me and I just couldn't get seem to get beyond a certain point. It was then that my psychiatrist told me that I wouldn't get better unless I wanted to and that was a very liberating thing to be told. I had some power over how I felt. I just had to learn how to use it.

The medication stopped and instead I changed my diet, I exercised more, I stopped all caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines. I forced myself to go out with friends, especially when I really wanted to hide from everyone and over time things got easier and I got better and I found some people I could be friends with and everything was ok.

Only, depression is something that is cured. It's always there, lying dormant until the next time it rears. And sometimes it sneaks up on me and blindsides me. I went through three rejections from men in 6 months and suddenly I found myself watching the world closing in. It became too hard to go to work. It became a struggle to go out. I couldn't sleep and everything tasted like it was spoiled. Even just putting clothes in the washing machine was just too hard.

When I did realise what was happening, I didn't want to do anything about it. I knew my family couldn't handle going through it again and I think they must have seen the signs and decided to ignore them and hope they went away. I hid away from it as long as I could until Mac asked me what was wrong. W/we were just friends, but W/we knew each other well enough for Him to know there was something not right.

I didn't even tell Him straight away, but eventually I emailed Him and told Him this:

"I am sad Mac, I am more than sad. I feel it pressing down on me. And it's not because of anyone. It's just me. I can't sleep, I can't think straight. I am getting flaky around the edges.

I lose track of what I am saying unless it is written down. I am exhausted by 11am. I can put on a good front, and I can battle through, but that's what it feels like. Each day is a battle and each achievement is a small victory. Some days I gain a few metres, some days I retreat.
I am going to go now.

Sarah."

His reply was:

"I think I know what's wrong."

Those words filled me with relief. I didn't care if He did know what was wrong or not, I was just happy that someone thought they understood. There was no admonishment to "pull up my socks and get on with it" there was no accusation of being silly. He just said He thought He knew and that was enough.

He came to see me and W/we talked and He was worried that telling me I was depressed would push me away and I couldn't tell Him until He said it, so I fought with Him and W/we both went away mad. He came back a few days later and told me He was still mad. I told Him that was ok, I was still mad too.

He told me I was depressed and I surprised the hell out of Him when I said 'I know' and started crying. He didn't hold me and but told me that from now until I was better He would look after me and I had to do what He said. He asked if I agreed to this, and I told Him I would.

I fixed an appointment with the doctor for the next day and the doctor and I agreed on a plan to keep me well that didn't involve medication. Mac was reluctant about the lack of medication, family members of His had used medication while depressed and He said the difference had been notable, but He was happy to go along with the Dr as long as I kept improving. If I didn't improve then I was expected to take the meds.

Mac added in the proviso that I write to Him each day and tell Him what I was feeling and how it was going and whatever else I felt like saying. It took me about six weeks to realise that He wasn't reading these long and exhaustive pages of emails but by then it didn't matter, I just wanted to write and write and write. He would always glance over them to make sure my tone was not down and then skip over the rest and call or message me and say hello. I learnt that if there were something I really needed Him to know I had to put it in a separate short email otherwise He wouldn't see it.

It was two months before I was feeling well within myself and He was completely supportive and caring and as much a friend as I could need. During this time He never touched me and I actually think He may have spent a little time avoiding me because He didn't want to abuse the position He had in my life until He knew that I was capable of making the decision to be His all by myself.

I remember it was just over two months that I had been in His care that I went away for a weekend with my sister and her children and I took my niece and nephew on a hike halfway up a mountain to be at the bottom of a waterfall. (I still can't work out how we walked up to be at the bottom, but we did.) When I got home on the Sunday I emailed Mac and told Him how wonderful it had been to stand at the bottom of the waterfall and completely out of character, I told Him that I had been fantasising while I stood there.

"It was almost as if I could feel the man's hands moving over me while I watched the water spray tumbling down the side of the cliff. He slid his hand along the buttons of my shirt undoing them one by one, sending shivers all through me as he casually brushed my skin. My protests were quietened by a gentle hand caressing my neck and a commanding voice saying 'It's ok, no one can see. I will take care of that.' And when my shirt was opened and my breasts were bared, his mouth had closed over mine and the world had slipped away."

I don't think I said much more than that. I actually didn't keep a copy of the email myself. I had also made the guy seem to be some imagined Male that I was still waiting to meet. I don't for a moment think I fooled Him. He knew I had written it about Him and for Him and that was as much of a hint that I would give Him.

He has actually never mentioned it, and I doubt He remembers it, but it was the next weekend that I stood before Him and offered Him all that I was and He accepted. This last year and a bit has been the happiest of my life. I feel loved and secure and protected and cherished and it's hard for depression to take hold when I feel so good about being me.

Mac and I both realise though, that there is a very real chance that it will come back and though He tells me not to overanalyse sad days, I know when He questions me that He sometimes wonders too. If it does come back, W/we will deal with it together. I know that the two of U/us combined have amazing strength.

W/we talked, yesterday, about what W/we would do if a more dominant Male came along and caught my eye. Mac feels He leaves me open to this because I can't help but submit to the most dominant Male and He feels that if there was someone that was prepared to brutalise and dominate me the way I sometimes crave then my head would be turned and I would feel a need to be with this more dominant man.

Mac said His reaction would be to let me go. I believe Him. As much as I know it would hurt Him and as much as His instinct would be to lock me away and keep me for Himself, He would let me go. He feels there is no point in holding onto someone that is desiring someone else. He will not try to be the man I want to out dominate someone so He can keep me. He is who He is and if I don't love Him for the person that He is I may as well not be here.

I understand this, and love Him for it. He wouldn't be the man I think He is if He were willing to be someone else to please me. The thing is though, I doubt very much anyone else would ever love me for who I am the way that He does. I can live without total domination. I can live without being brutalized the way I sometimes crave. I don't need to be a slave. But I do need His approval and I need to know that He loves me just as I am.

There are times when a dominant man will come along and my cunt will clench and I will enjoy some banter and some flirting and I will appreciate the attention and the chance for slight, soft submission. There are times that I will actually be attracted to another male. I never let anything happen, other than allowing the soft, gentle, submissive side of me shine through. It has never lasted longer than Mac walking through the door because as soon as He does, all other men are forgotten. He is the one I want to be with, He is the one that I want to submit too. He is my One.

There are times that I want to be hit and punished and I know that Mac won't do it. There are times that I wish that He would take control of every part of my life. There are times that I crave a male that uses me completely for His pleasure and never cares about mine. There are times that I believe that I deserve it. Mac often jokes that I will go from craving it, to being wistful about it, to not wanting it at all within the space of an hour and usually He is right. These feelings within me pass. The important things, O/our love and O/our mutual respect, are always there.

I feel I am very lucky to have a Man that knows that I have these feelings and understands that when I submit to another male it is only a temporary thing until I can submit to Him again.

I wrote this a few days ago after I had knelt at Mac's side and W/we had talked about this blog and how much confidence it has given me. He told me He understands me better and He knows that I understand me better and I no longer think that I am strange. At least I am no stranger than anyone else.

(My apologies if you have already read this, I had posted it the other day on a different entry that I decided made little sense and removed.)

"She climbed upon His lap and snuggled herself into His neck and contented herself with listening to His heartbeat. His arms drew around her and held her securely. He rested his chin on her hair and she smiled at the way they allowed themselves to fit so well together.

'My beautiful angel' He whispered. 'I love you'

She smiled in answer and concentrated on matching her breathing to His. When she felt she had the rhythm she reached down between them and ran her hand over His groin. She felt his breath catch and she giggled as she freed His cock from His pants.

She nibbled gently along the line of His chin as her fingers stroked the length of Him, teasing Him with the softest of touches. He groaned in the back of His throat and she cooed softly to Him in reply. She licked gently at the corner of His mouth while her hand circled His shaft. He turned towards her and covered her mouth with His own. Her tongue licked His teeth and dove under His tongue and probed the roof of His mouth before His lips closed over it and sucked it gently. He growled and she gurgled in delight and untangled her tongue from His mouth so she could slip from His lap to her knees in front of Him.

His body tensed and His hands gripped at the armrest and she grinned up at Him while her hand still jerked Him. She opened her mouth and slid just the head of His cock inside her, jerking Him and sucking Him at the same time. She felt Him start to come and felt His hands push her head down onto His cock so that He was deep in her throat. She giggled and she choked and that made her giggle even more. She tried to swallow and she failed somewhat and she didn't care because her Man was coming and that was all that mattered.

She suckled and nuzzled at Him long after He was finished, cleaning Him and tasting Him and not really wanting to let Him go. Finally He pulled her back to His lap and she snuggled back against His chest. Her hand snuck down between them again and she idly played with His now soft cock as she listened to His heartbeat again.

'If you keep doing that, you will have to take my orgasm again.' He growled softly into her hair.

'I know' she giggled and hid her face in the crook of His neck.

'Christ' He whispered and she smiled smugly as she felt His cock pulse and start to stiffen once more."

(Technical note) Comments are down due to a problem with blogspeak. If there is something you would like to say, please email me. (End technical note.)

Something is happening between Mac and I that I don't fully understand. It feels as though W/we are back at the beginning of O/our relationship when each glance, each word, every caress would delve U/us deep into a world of passion. It's that world where no matter what is done, no matter how intense or how many times or if O/our minds and bodies are exhausted, O/our need to connect, O/our need to be part of each other overpowers everything else.

Some times I feel as if I am on the verge of knowing, that any moment now I will understand why W/we are feeling the way W/we are and then it slips away from me almost as though it is teasing me, tantalising me with its obviousness that I just cant grasp.

Mac chuckles at my questioning it, telling me not to worry about something that feels so good. He thinks I should just relax and enjoy it, the way that He does, but I know that He understands that I have a need to know, a need to question why the feelings inside of U/us are so intense. I am not letting it interfere with the pleasure that I feel. I will not let it stop me from enjoying every second that W/we spend entwined but in moments of reflection I feel a need to sit quietly and wonder why it is that W/we seem to have discovered each other all over again.

I know that I am falling in love with Him. Not just deeper, but all over again. I see Him and there is a complete flood of emotions that leave me breathless with their intensity. I hear Him and my stomach ties in knots. I touch Him and I am lost to Him. I am captured, I am possessed, I am His.

Someone asked me in my comments a few weeks ago if all I ever do is fuck and think about sex and at the time I chose not to answer but now I will. W/we laugh a lot. W/we go out with friends. W/we enjoy fine food and good music and movies. W/we work. W/we play sports. W/we devour books like O/our lives depend upon it. But it is in O/our sex that I see who W/we really are. It is never just about the fucking. Anyone can do that. To me each movement has meaning, each groan of pleasure has depth, each touch entwines U/us into one being, two halves coming together to make a whole. So I write about the sex in the hope that some of who W/we are shows through.

These last few days have been exquisite in the pleasure W/we have shared. W/we made love on Sunday night, the way two people do when their tiredness is almost greater than their need to come. When Mac woke on Monday morning He was in need of me again. His cock was engorged and His balls were full and His orgasm was drawn out and severe, leaving His body drained of all energy. I dragged Him to the shower to recuperate, knowing that He had a long day ahead of Him with clients.

He called me from the office at lunchtime. His cock was engorged again and thoughts of me were hindering His concentration. He questioned coming home so that He could sate Himself before the afternoon of work, but W/we both knew that there wasn't time. I questioned if I could come to the office and take care of Him but again there was no time. W/we knew He had an early dinner with clients and would not be home until past nine and the thought of having to wait that long was unbearable to U/us both and the lust in my voice was making His cock tighten and contract. Tighten and contract.

I took the phone to O/our bed and I used O/our largest dildo to stretch open my cunt and make me moan in a delicious mixture of pleasure and pain that had Mac hissing in my ear.

'You dirty slut. You wicked whore. Whose cock is it you have filling you?'
'I don't care whose cock, any huge cock that I can squeeze my cunt on will do. I want to make him come, I want his cock to spurt inside me, I want to please him.'
'You do please him, slut. You please him like no other ever has.'

And my muscles contracted tightly and the whimpers from my orgasm combined with the growling of Mac's and He came, in His office, while people moved around outside His door.

Then last night when He got home He swept me into His arms and carried me to the bedroom and W/we fucked with depravity I have never felt before. There were things that I did, things that I wanted to do that I have never felt a desire to do before. I became the dirty slut and all that mattered to me was that it made Mac feel good and I wanted to make Him come harder than He ever has.

And when I was on my hands and knees and He was mounted on me so deeply that His balls were pressed against me and He lifted my hair from my shoulder and sank His teeth into my neck, when I cried because I simply couldn't take another stroke of His cock, then cried because I thought He would take His cock out of me, that was when I realised that He was mine, that I possess as much of Him as He does of me. W/we are no longer two separate people who go about each day independent of each other. W/we are one and even if W/we never saw each other again, I know that I will remain His forever. It was meant to be.

When Mac woke this morning, His erection was already in my mouth.

I wonder if that will keep Him sated until tonight?

I was raised as a good girl. I know my manners. I know how to speak to others politely. I sit with my knees pressed primly together and I try not to fidget. I don't speak out of turn and I never interrupt. And I don't swear.

My father would never allow it. There were things that should never come from a lady's lips and if I used those words, his frown of disappointment would scar my very soul. There were times through high school that I would say the naughty words with my friends, but as I grew into adulthood they disappeared because I had no use for them. Friends of mine will tell you now that I never swear.

'Fuck'
'Bitch'
'Slut'
'Whore'
'Cunt'
'Cock'

They are such wicked words for a good girl to say. There is something so openly decadent about these words that thrills me. The way that they sound, the way they are thrown from the mouth, the power that they yield. Grown men shy away from them, little children giggle at the shock in their parents faces and women avert their eyes and blush.

'You are my slut' He says and I grin at Him.
'You are my whore' and I giggle in delight.
'I want to fuck you' and my cunt clenches with lust.
'Bitch' and I want nothing more than to feel His cock fill me.

These words make me want to rejoice in who I am, in who I want to be. These words make me want to indulge in my sexuality, delight in decadence, and be truly wanton in my cravings.

And I spend a lot of time hiding it from the world and sometimes I even hide it from Mac. There is still the desire to be the good girl and it is a hard desire to overcome.

So she kneels demurely at His feet, shielding herself from the lust that she feels. The calmness she shows Him, the peace she is filled with touches a place deep inside Him that very few ever reach. He watches her a moment and allows Himself to feel the beauty that she holds.

'What is it you want, little one?' He asks her with tenderness and care.

She swallows hard and looks at Him, determined not to let Him see.

'I don't know.' She whispers quietly and she quickly looks back down.

He pauses just a moment. 'Then I will give you a minute to think.'

She looks at Him again, almost hurt at His determination to make her say the things that she doesn't want to say.

The silence between them stretches and against her every wish she sees the things she craves happening in her imagination and she wants to scream at Him the things she feels and wants to yell at Him the things that she desires.

She lowers her eyes and she stays silent. Her mind gives her the words she will not speak.

'I want You to drag me by the hair to the bedroom and toss me onto the bed. I want You to force me to my hands and knees so that my cunt is Yours to take. I want You to run Your cock along my slit and feel my heat wet the head. I want You to push inside my cunt and feel it open for You. I want You to fuck me. I want You to fuck me harder and I want You to fuck me deeper. I want You to make me cry out with the power of Your body. I want You to see Your cock enter me. I want You to see it leave me covered in my cunt juices. I want You to feel me tighten for You. I want You to fuck me harder still. I want You to feel Your balls tighten, feel Your cock throb and I want You to feel the semen drawn out of You, pulled from Your balls by my cunt. I want You to feel my love. I want You to feel my desire to please You. I want You to take Your pleasure in me.'

She startles herself with her desperate need, her ache that she requires Him to fill and she knows she could never say those things to Him. Her eyes flicker with the hunger that gnaws at her from within. Her hands turn into fists at her sides as her control slips.

She digs her nails into her palms and the pain helps her regain composure and she shields herself once more. She wonders if He saw, if He recognised the lust she tried so desperately to hide.

'What is it you want?' He asks again, and she knows that He will not be denied an answer.

'Permission' she says without raising her eyes and suddenly He understands what she needs. His hand tangles in her hair, forcing her head back so she has to meet His gaze.

'Tell Me how you wish to please me, slut.'

She gasps and all her defences slide away, flooded by a mixture of relief and desire. 'I want to please You with my cunt,' triumph in her voice. 'I want my cunt filled by Your cock.'

He is filled by the hunger in her eyes and the way that she has opened to Him. His cock throbs with the need to possess this wonderful creature before Him. He pulls her from the floor and into His arms.

'My slut,' He whispers as He gently kisses her lips. 'My whore.'

She grins at Him quietly and His hand tangles in her hair once more.

Thursday night W/we went out for a little while with some friends. One of my girlfriends, Rox had brought along Andrew, a guy that she really wanted to get to know better (sleep with) and when she and I were in the ladies room she told me all about the trouble she was having getting him into bed. He just didn't seem to be interested, even though he was very happy to date her. I could see why she liked him, he was smart and funny and quick witted. Perhaps if Mac hadn't have been there I may have found him interesting.

When Mac and I got home I told him the trouble that Rox was having getting Andrew to put out and W/we had a little chuckle over it and forgot about it. Mac had some work to do and I was tired so I went to bed.

Friday morning when I woke up, I let Mac sleep in. He had nothing important on and had sent off all the emails He had needed to the night before. I wrote my blog then started to do some work. I was completely lost in thought an hour or so later when I heard Him call out 'Woman!'

When He calls me woman it means get here and get here now and so I put aside what I was doing and went to the bedroom. I found Him there, proudly erect and frowning slightly. I stood there, pretending not to look at His cock and asked what it was He would like.

He told me He had been in that strange place, somewhere between being asleep and being awake and He had had a half dream about me. I had come to Him and knelt before Him and told Him that I had gone to Andrew and begged him to fuck me. Andrew had consented and I had made him come. Then I had told Mac that I needed Andrew again and I went to Andrew and told him I hadn't had enough and begged him to let me make him come again.

What was Mac's reaction to His dream of my cheating? He was aroused! Not just aroused, throbbingly so.

'You're weird' I said while still pretending I wasn't looking at His cock.
'I know' He said.
'You are supposed to be jealous, not turned on.'
'I am jealous. And HUGHLY aroused. I want to fill you with my cock and come so deep inside you so that no other man's seed can overpower mine.'
'It's an ownership thing? An 'I am Your's' thing?'
'Yes. Now shut up, get on the bed and take care of my cock'

I shrugged off the robe I had on and crawled across the bed to Him and just as I was about to ask what would please Him He pulled me to Him and easily flipped me onto my back. He slid between my legs and took my hands in His and pinned them to the bed beside my head. His body was still sleepily warm, His hair was mussed and He smelt of that musky male sex smell. I was lying there beneath Him, looking up into His gorgeous blue eyes, completely captured by this Man. He kissed me, almost devouring me and I wanted so desperately for Him to be inside me. I was pushing my hips up to meet His but He was holding back from me. He wanted to do it His way and there was nothing I could do but let Him.

He entered me slowly so that I could feel each millimetre as it slid inside. He stopped each time I clenched on Him and it felt like forever before He was deeply inside me and I could wrap my legs around Him.

'You are Mine.' He growled and pulled Himself from me and pushed into me again. He released my hands and they immediately went to His shoulders to pull Him down on me. I wanted Him to crush me with His weight. I wanted to be pressed inside of Him. I wanted to crawl up under His skin and become a part of Him. I wanted to be His breath, His heartbeat, His thoughts. I wanted to be everything He felt, everything He needed and desired. He was inside me and I wanted to be inside of Him. I couldn't get close enough.

He kept telling me that I was His, that I belonged to Him, that I was owned and would always belong to Him. My heart is His, my desire is His, my body is for His use and His pleasure. I am His Sarah, His slut, His girl, His whore, His angel and I will always be His. Then He told me He would come when I did and He bit my neck viciously, bruising me, marking me with His teeth. I tried to arch back to get Him deeper, I tried to push up against Him but His weight crushing me to the bed meant that I couldn't do anything except accept His cock and I came gasping and moaning and He bit harder at my neck.

'You didn't come!' I gasped still breathless from my orgasm.
'I know.' He grinned down at me, 'Next time.'

And I grasped His face between my hands and I pulled His lips to mine. I tasted the tang of my blood on His tongue and I shivered. He felt it and He groaned. I teased His tongue into my mouth and then I closed my lips around it, sucking it gently. He grunted and I sucked on it some more, clenching my cunt muscles in time with my sucking and He growled and thrust into me harder and deeper and His body tensed and He came.

I felt so proud and beautiful and desirous and lusted. He took His tongue back off me and swore loudly and pressed Himself against me harder, driving the air out of me. I wanted to giggle at Him but I could hardly get enough air to breathe. I stroked His back, taking baby breaths while waiting for His body to stop shuddering. He realised I was in some discomfort and raised Himself on His arms and I took a few deep breaths while He grinned at me.

I kept wriggling against Him and clenching on Him with my muscles and I pulled His lips back to mine.

'What are you doing?' He teased, knowing perfectly well.
'Keeping You hard.' I said, licking the corner of His mouth.
'Why?'
'Because I want more.'
'Greedy girl.' He chuckled and started to move Himself inside me again, just a little at first, working with me to keep Himself from softening.

W/we succeeded and within minutes W/we were both shuddering and gasping for breath and I was holding on to Him tightly as W/we came again. W/we lay together for a while, not really saying much, just enjoying the feel of each other, then He had to get up and check to see if there was anything from work that couldn't wait.

He told me to stay in the bed and I did and I listened to Him make one phone call that had to be dealt with and then He come back to the bed and pounced on me like He was a tiger and I was the prey. He pretended to gnaw at my neck and had me in fits of giggles before He lay down beside me and pulled me to His chest and told me to sleep. I could hear His heart beating and His hand was playing with my hair and W/we both fell asleep until lunchtime.

Last night as I had just finished brushing my teeth, Mac stepped out of the shower and moved up behind me and slid His arms around my belly. He kissed my neck then looked at me in the mirror and sucked in His breath at the bite mark He could see. He asked if it hurt and I told Him only a little bit and He turned me around to face Him and He lowered His head and He kissed it so very softly, I had to swallow hard to stop myself from crying with the beauty of it.

All because He dreamt I was cheating on Him.

There are some things about Him I will never understand.

Danor from lovesongs for the underdogs picked up on the natural order theme of dominant males/submissive females that I have spoken about here and has been on other blogs as well and is conducting a mini poll on her blog to see how people feel about this. I have said where my theory comes from and why I think it is no longer true for everyone so I wont rehash it but it still does interest me and I am following the comments to see how others feel.

I have just started to read another blog called DDWife. Amber left a comment on a post below and always being curious as to who reads me I followed her link and ended up on her blog. Amber lives in a DD (domestic discipline) relationship and this works well for her. She feels she needs to be punished for her bad behaviour so that she could stop the cycle of relationship destruction she seemed to be in. Amber is freed from her guilt and they are able to carry on as a couple because of the DD. It's wonderful how this works for her. This fascinates me, as do most glimpses into other's lives, but this type of punishment is something that I sometimes do desire.

There is no punishment in O/our house. Mac is all too aware that I will punish myself severely for any mistake I have made. I take punishment as a blow to my ego and self-confidence and never really let go of the shame and guilt I feel at having been bad enough to be punished. For this reason He will not allow fights to drag on between U/us, nor will He allow me to wallow in any mistakes He or I have made. Forgiveness is given immediately upon confession and once discussed and settled it is never brought up again.

There are times that I have done something silly, or something I regret and when I kneel at Mac's feet and ask for forgiveness I do not feel that confession is enough. I want Him to punish me for my behaviour to the point where there has been times He has held my hands to stop me from striking Him. I am aware that if I hit Him I can expect to be hit back and He has no desire to go there. I know that if I did hit Him and He did hit me back then all I have done is damaged U/us both by forcing Him to do something He dislikes.

I think more than anything else, Mac would love for me to feel that I can be His good girl without having to suffer.

Something that Amber said to me struck me as strange and I had to give it some thought. She said that for me, pain is pleasurable. I guess in many ways I have made this appear to be the case and yet, it is not true. I am not sure I know how to explain this, but to me the pain heightens the pleasure. It is not pleasurable in itself. There are times I feel I deserve the pain, deserve to be treated like nothing, reduced to nothing so that I can be 'risen up' as His good girl again.

At other times, the pain gives me permission to enjoy the pleasure. I know on a conscious level that it is not wrong to feel good, that it is not wrong to enjoy sex, but on another level I have always felt the need for pain to be free of that awful feeling that I was doing something wrong. If it hurt, then I could enjoy it. Weird huh? It doesn't always have to be extreme or intense pain, it can be just the burning of anal sex, or the feeling of being stretched open by too many fingers, or pulling of my hair or biting on my neck or the pinching of my nipples. Just those little amounts of pain allow me to let go of my inhibitions, my irrational fear that I am being bad, and enjoy the pleasure I am feeling.

Pain also brings all of my senses into sharper focus. The sting of His hand against my cheek, the sound it makes as it moves through the air and connects, the smell of my turmoil and of His sex, the taste of adrenaline in my mouth and the sight of Him towering above me all happen almost instantaneously and yet I am perfectly aware of each thing individually. I am able to dissect them all and let each part of it affect me. I can feel shame and humiliation from the pain and at the same time arousal from the adrenaline and from His incredible power over me. In the end for me, it is always the arousal that wins. And it wins in the most intense way.

On a different note, I just want to put here a fantasy I wrote before I belonged to Mac. I didn't show Mac this until W/we had been together a while because it made me feel vulnerable and open to derision. I was very afraid that if I let Mac inside me, He would laugh and turn away from what He saw and I am discovering that I am not alone in this fear. There are many women out there that are actually afraid to admit to what they feel. I am lucky, when I showed Mac this, with fear in my stomach and a little laugh about how silly girls can be, He turned to me and pulled me close and told me He couldn't imagine a more perfect woman for Him. This fantasy came from very deep inside me at a time that I was feeling very alone and very much in need of a Man like this:

"Forced onto her stomach, rough hands grab at her hips pulling them into position. Scrambling to her knees, she positions herself ready for His entry. No words are spoken, no soft caresses, no foreplay of any kind and yet she is ready for Him. His need causing her juices to flow even before she is aware of it.

Roughly He enters her, pushing His way into her, His strong hands forcing her back onto him, bruising her sides. She moans a deep low moan from the back of her throat and He growls in return, taking His possession of her and marking her once again as His. The knot tightens in her gut and from nowhere the orgasm rises up and overtakes her body. He slams Himself into her harder as she shudders with pleasure.

'Oh yes, fuck me' she moans, 'fuck me like the slut W/we know I am.'
As the words leave her lips His orgasm fills Him and He finds within her the pleasure He requires. Hot semen shoots over her back and ass.

Breathlessly she collapses against the bed. Silently He settles Himself beside her. Quietly she waits for the words that He knows she needs, the words that allow her to be all that she is and give her the confidence to look for more. His arms seek her out in the darkness.

'I love you.' He whispers.

And once again He sets her free."

Last night Mac and I spent some very nice quiet time together. He was working and knew that I wanted to talk so He asked me to wait until He had finished doing what He had to do then I could have His full attention. I knelt quietly beside Him and waited. I let my mind wander, thinking about bits and pieces of my day. I thought about things that I should share with Him and things I wanted to share with Him and was completely lost in thought when He spoke to me some minutes later.

'You are a beautiful good girl for waiting patiently. Come here little one, I want to hold you and kiss you and love you.'

He pulled me to His lap and suddenly my mind was completely blank. I couldn't remember a single thing I had wanted to tell Him I just wanted to sit with Him and be held by Him and love Him. I snuggled up close and listened quietly as He told me about His day. Suddenly, He said, 'Baby, I need to come in your mouth now.'

I knelt and took His cock from His pants and He was coming before I could even get my lips around Him. There was little to no stimulation and He was coming. I took Him into my mouth and sucked on Him to make sure He was finished properly. When He was spent He pulled me up to kiss Him. He told me He loved me more than He could convey. He said that I was so sweet and gentle, so adorable that He had suddenly been filled with loving me and had needed to come. Then He kissed away the tears on my cheeks and He asked me why I was crying.

I told Him I was so full of love for Him that it had to come out somewhere or I would explode with it. He chuckled and pointed out that my crying was just like His orgasm, that both were from an overload of feelings. I somehow think this is a little unfair. I cry and He comes. I know which of U/us gets the better deal.

When W/we went to bed my breasts were aching with that deep hormonal ache that comes with menstruation. I lay on my side facing Mac and carefully massaged them. He watched for a little while, and then He shifted down the bed and took my nipple into His mouth and gently sucked on it. I ran my fingers through His hair and cradled His head with my hand while He suckled at me.

There was something very basic, a very simple need in me that He filled. It was loving and soft and gentle and sensual. I know that He was making my uterus contract and that was easing the pain I was in, but it was more than that. It felt so right to have the Male that I love suckling at my breast. It felt as though W/we were strengthening the bond between U/us. It felt like I was entwining U/us in a very natural and very female way.

I understand the physical way that breastfeeding works but last night I think I had a tiny glimpse at the emotional bond it forms between a mother and child. Or maybe it was just my hormones taking over.

He suckled at me until I felt myself grow heavy with sleep and I reached down between us and my fingers found His cock. I jerked Him softly and gently, more running my fingers over Him than stroking Him. He kept suckling at my breast until the moment that His cock started to spill. I felt His semen spray against my belly and He arched His head back and He growled deeply and my brain was so foggy with sleep that I barely managed to smile.

It was the most contented nights sleep I have had in a long time.

Sometimes, at this time of the month I do not feel in control of my emotions. They control me. I become very aware of what I call the bitch within me. She is a nasty piece of work that is best left alone. She gets frustrated at the simplest of tasks and just when she is at her very meanest she breaks down like a little girl and cries.

Mac sometimes forgets that she can exist. Especially since she is only around for one day of the month. He will try and tease her out of the bad mood and it's not until she bites that He will think (and not say, never ever say) that I may be premenstrual. He will give me some space, enough to let me think about what I have said or done and sure enough, I will break down in tears and run to Him and ask Him to forgive me and He will tell me it's ok, that I am still His good girl and He still loves me.

And when my period starts and I come to Him again and sheepishly admit I was premenstrual He will give me that annoying knowing smile and say He figured that I was, but He wasn't going to tell me. He would rather keep His head on His neck.

This is a fantasy written during a moment of anger and frustration when the bitch was lashing out at everyone, especially at me. This is not something Mac would do, or something I would want Him to do, but it was something I believed I deserved (and wanted) at the time.

"She lay on her belly on the bed and tried to rid herself of the fear that pulled at her stomach. She felt in him a need to hurt her and her fear grew as the silence stretched between them. He was going to hurt her, he was going to humiliate her, and she was going to allow it.

He gripped her ankle and roughly parted her legs. She dared not whimper or cry out because she knew it would just fuel his desire for her pain. She felt him part her butt cheeks and push a hard cold plastic cock deeply into her ass without any concern for her comfort. She bit into the sheet beneath her and tears filled her eyes. He grabbed her hair and pulled her head back so she could see him. 'You love it, don't you, you filthy slut. Don't you?' She knew he required an answer and through her tears she found the breath to gasp out 'yes.' He roughly pushed her down, pinning her head to the bed for just a moment in case she had forgotten just who was in control.

She lay perfectly still knowing any movement would give him an excuse to hurt her more. He pushed another plastic cock into her cunt. She whimpered in spite of her resolve to stay silent. 'Ha,' he growled. 'You like that huh, cunt?' She bit her lip and silently prayed for the strength to answer him correctly. 'Yes,' she hissed.

He placed a belt between her legs and attached it to another around her waist, holding both dildos firmly in place. She wasn't sure if the burning of her ass or the stretching of her cunt hurt her more or if it was just the thought of more to come.
'Now, bitch,' he growled. 'You will play with your own cunt until you come hard. You know you want it, whore.'

Her hand slid beneath her body, she was too terrified not to comply. She lifted herself slightly so her fingers could reach her clitoris and knew that he was somewhere behind her watching. She gasped in horror as her fingers found her clitoris swollen, her arousal at such treatment obvious from the juices she was leaking. She was shocked to find herself already close to orgasm. Through her disgust in herself, she started to cry again.

The hand at her hair was vicious, stretching her head back until she thought she might break. 'Why are you crying, you stupid slut? You know you like this. You know you want this. You are a filthy little whore.' He pushed her head away from his hand, almost as though he was disgusted to have touched her.

She heard the sound of the belt cut the air just before she felt the sting of it on her ass. She bit her lip, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of her pain. The tough leather burned her deeply with each lash that landed on her ass and her thighs. He hit her hard enough to make himself grunt with the force of each stroke and she couldn't hold back. She screamed in the agony that tore into her. She begged him to stop, she begged him not to hurt her and she stayed on the bed and waited for the next stroke to fall.

He tossed the belt aside and between her pleas she heard it hit the floor. He gripped a handful of her hair and stretched her head back again. 'Shut up and take my cock, slut.' He growled at her. He allowed her head to fall to the bed and she was grateful for the respite even if it was short lived. He grabbed her hair again and turned her head to the side. She opened her mouth in complice and he shoved his cock deep into her throat. She gagged and choked. Already her throat felt bruised and he pulled from her and shoved it into her again. Again she gagged but he showed her no sympathy as he shoved deeply into her mouth again. He held his cock inside her and hit her cheek hard.

'Don't you dare stop playing with your cunt, bitch.' Her fingers resumed stroking her clitoris. He grabbed her neck and started to squeeze and her lungs started to burn for the oxygen she needed. He watched her struggle without compassion, she was just another whore to be taken and used. He kept fucking her mouth, enjoying the feel of her lips on his cock. She shuddered and convulsed and he growled as the power of her orgasm overtook her. He filled her mouth with his semen, his hand at her throat making it impossible for her to swallow and his semen oozed from her lips with each thrust he took. She was barely aware of him coming as her body was rocked by the intense waves of pleasure and the desperate need to breathe. The last of his orgasm was spent inside her before he relented the grip on her throat. She gulped the air she needed to remain conscious and her body was wracked with sobs.

He watched her silently for a minute before he leant over her and gently tucked a curl behind her ear. He kissed her cheek with tenderness. 'I love you, my angel,' he whispered.

He turned from her and walked away."

I am going to go off on a tangent here, as I am prone to do. Well really it is not too much of a tangent, just a side step from yesterday.

The whole Alpha Male, submissive female on the Savannah thing is not a new concept. People have been studying it and writing about it for longer than I have been aware of it. Of course most of it is just theory, they didn't keep very good records back then. The theory does appeal to me.

Taisha said she doesn't agree with it, she is a switch, and needs people to full both her need to submit and dominate. I wouldn't expect everyone in this modern world to do or feel as I do. I do not have the ability to dominate. Don't get me wrong, I am not a doormat and I can attack and defend along with the best of them, I have a very strong drive to protect those I consider 'my crowd'. But I cannot just dominate someone. It doesn't come naturally and has to be forced from me with anger or demand, which I think does not make it dominance.

Taisha does have the ability to dominate and from reading her latest meeting with her friend, she does it in a way that would leave me panting for more even though I don't seek out dominant women. A lot of this would come down to nurture as well as nature. We change and grow in the environment around us. I often wonder if I would need the pain I do if I had not been belted as a child. Would I need that validation if my mother had less punishing on 'the dirty girl' and less loving on 'the good girl'? We can't remove the way we were raised out of us and say this is what is left.

The same goes for the wider world. I sit here today after having read the online diaries of people from around the world. After I have finished this post people from the UK, the US, Australia, and Europe will read what I have written. Information from all over is available to us and this affects us as well. As do the expectations that are now placed upon us. Women can now rule a country if they take the right paths. I remember my sister upsetting her careers advisor at school because when they asked what she wanted to be, she said a wife and mother. (She has been married 10 years and has 5 beautiful children.) She was told that motherhood was not a career and she should aim higher. A note was even sent home to my parents.

So even if it was the way of things, that a woman had to please her Male to survive back on the Savannah, I don't expect everyone would feel that way now. As I said yesterday, the imprint left on some of us is stronger than on others. I would even go so far as to say that in my case, it was reinforced through my upbringing. I don't think I am any better or less than anyone else. I am true to myself, as Taisha is to herself and I think that is the most important thing for people to be.

Which brings me to another thought. It was pointed out to me again yesterday in an email I received from a submissive female that she has noticed a high proportion of bisexually submissive females, which makes her feel in a minority as she is heterosexual. I don't know if she is correct or not but I have noticed a high number myself. I started questioning this, as I do with most things.

Is it possible that those with a strong need to submit could also strongly identify with other women? I am not saying this is true of everyone, but is it possible that some of the imprint from the Savannah leads some of us to bisexuality as well? Would not the women have sought each other out for comfort and warmth on the cold winter's nights while the men were off hunting? We often accept that men would use other men in earlier cultures when women were not available, yet I can't recall offhand any discussions on the women being with other women. Is that because women were not seen to need such comforts as sex? Yet I know that in my relationships, I am the one that requires sex more. I have had a lot of female friends express the same thing about their relationships. I know that Emma was given to me as a gift because Mac felt I needed her softness to offset His roughness. I needed another female to identify with. He said last night that it was to stop me for looking for the gentleness myself although He did admit that He doubts I would have. He did want me to have it, the soft love that He does not feel He is able to give, so He found a way to give it to me that was under His control. Emma is at a stage in her life where she is comfortable with and able to be the things W/we need and it fills a need in her too.

I call Emma a gift to me from Mac and she very much was. She doesn't mind being a gift, as she knows just how much W/we treasure her. W/we met her at a dinner at Mac's rugby club. She was there with a guy that played on Mac's team.

I was wearing a dress that just covered the bruises on my breasts that Mac had earlier made with His teeth and my panties were wet from the sex W/we had had just before leaving for the dinner. I teased Him constantly with my hand on His cock under the table or at His mouth covered in the stickiness from between my legs. He waited until W/we had finished the main course and then told me where I was to go and wait for Him.

I was sent to an unused room and I took off my panties and put them in my purse and waited. It was quite a while before Mac opened the door and I knelt on the floor and asked what I could do to please Him.

It wasn't until I was bent over a stool and Mac's cock was softening in my ass that I realised W/we were not alone in the room. I tried to stand but Mac had me well pinned down and was whispering in my ear to relax. The girl standing to the side and slightly behind us with her hand inside her panties was Emma.

She took her fingers from inside herself and asked if I would like to taste. Mac was still whispering in my ear telling me it was ok, Emma was there because He had allowed it and I could enjoy her and I somehow nodded yes and she painted my lips with her juices.

She didn't go home with the guy she was at the dinner with. Instead she went home with U/us. It took U/us some time to work out if and how she would fit into O/our lives, but she has been a part of U/us ever since.

I remember my mother called the day after to find out how the dinner had gone. I told her it had been delicious.

When I read my comments last night, there was a comment on an earlier post (January 2) about something that Mac had said. Grumbler pointed out to me that the view that Mac took on sadism, is not a point of view that Grumbler shares.

Mac had said:

"Isn't that ironic? The very last Male a woman who wants to be hurt should be with is a Male who actually wants to hurt her."

In reply Grumbler said:

"I have to disagree with you on the subject in the comments. I crave the submission and masochism that w gives to me. But I know my responsibilities, so I know when to stop. She has given herself to me, and with that I agreed to take on the responsibility of ownership. Dominating her goes much deeper than eroticism. It fulfils a basic need in me, also. I was looking for a submissive masochist when we found each other."

The comments can be seen in full on the post from the 2nd of January 2004.

Grumbler also wrote on his blog about sadism and it is well worth reading. I understand his view better because of it.

I am going to talk about what Mac said and what I think He meant, and He may Himself disagree with me when He wakes up and reads this.

I think what Mac meant was that when a man requires a woman to hurt to make him feel like a man, then that is the last man a woman who needs to hurt should be with. I am of the belief myself that if a man requires a woman to crawl to him because her humiliation makes him feel better about himself, if he needs her to call him master because it inflates his ego, if he needs to belt her because he feels important when he does, or if he calls her slut because her degradation builds his self esteem, then that is the very last man a submissive woman needs.

On the other hand if he wants her to crawl to him because he loves the way her ass sways when she does, if she calls him master because it means something special for them, if he belts her because it arouses both of them or if he calls her names as a term of affection then that is the type of man she needs.

Mac and I are of the belief that a woman submitting to a man is the natural order of things as it was not all that long ago on the Savannah. (I know there are people out there that wont agree with that and that's ok.) W/we also believe that the imprint of the Savannah surfaces more on some people than on others. On U/us the imprint is strong. He is an Alpha Male. I am a submissive female. My life would have depended on the pleasure of my Male. If He found me displeasing, I would be cast aside and at the mercy of all other males as would my children have been. I don't just live to please, I please to live.

Mac would be an Alpha Male if I were kneeling beside Him or not. People were deferring to Him long before I came along and would continue too even if I were no longer there. He does not need me to build His ego (trust me, it is big enough, grins) or His self-esteem (again big enough). He has always believed that He rules His world. I think having me beside Him just gives Him an extra reason too.

On my original post I said:

"Today, with the way that I feel, the aches I have, the soreness of my breasts and my face and throat, I am glad that I have a man that doesn't want to hurt me. I think that if I had one that took pleasure from hurting me I would not know when to stop and I would end up really damaged. The marks He left on me are superficial and will probably heal faster than I would like them too. I cringe to think how much I would let Him hurt me if He liked it."

Perhaps what it should have said is:

"Today, with the way that I feel, the aches I have, the soreness of my breasts and my face and throat, I am glad I have a man that doesn't need to hurt me. I think if I had one that needed my pain to make Him feel better I would not know when to stop and I would end up really damaged. The marks He left on me are superficial and will probably heal faster than I would like them too. I cringe to think how much I would let Him hurt me if He required it."

Mac will still say that He doesn't take pleasure from hurting me and I know He is telling the truth. For me that is a good thing because I know that if Mac told me He liked me to hurt I would push to be hurt all the time and in ways I couldn't handle and I don't know where it would stop.

These are my thoughts and my thoughts only. Please feel free to disagree and to express your own thoughts in my comments. I love discussion and believe that true understanding can only come from different points of view.

Mac has been remarkably horny for the last few days. He blames me. I blame me too. Yesterday after the sex against the door He got me to suck Him during the movie and He came over my face and in my mouth. He lent down and took some of His semen from my cheek onto His tongue and brought it to my mouth to taste and then He took some of the semen on His cock and brought it to my mouth again and He came again, less then two minutes after the first time. I snuggled up next to Him purring in contentment that I can still make my Male come twice in two minutes. He told me that I am His good girl.

Twice in less then two minutes.

His good girl is still purring.

I would like to thank Fleshbot for linking to yesterday's post in their sex blog roundup. It was a pleasant surprise to see my post listed there.

Yesterday afternoon, I had a chance to discuss the sexual side of O/our relationship with Mac. I know that for Mac this is like pulling teeth and He sits through any introspection suffering from gnawing pains in His head waiting for me to go off on some tangent that He doesn't really understand. (That usually happens within the first minute or so.) The reason I started this introspection with Him was because He had been out for the morning and when He returned home He said to me, 'I have been thinking about you all morning and it made me horny. Isn't it nice that after all this time, just the thought of you will make me hard.'

The warmth I felt at His words was amazing. To know that He can be amongst other people, other women and His thoughts are with me fills me with satisfaction. I can think of no greater compliment to know that it is me that He desires. He has always said that I bewitched Him with sex and I would have to say He is right. I set out to entice Him to my bed from the moment He accepted me as His. I wanted Him there, I wanted to keep Him there and I have. I am not silly, I wont stop enticing Him to my bed because I know the moment that I do, some other girl will come along that will be just as pleasing and just as desirable and if He doesn't find the pleasure He wants in my bed, He will find it elsewhere. I know that by bringing Him the pleasure that I do He will stay my lover, my protector and my friend. I need Him in those roles.

W/we do have a very erotic relationship, and Mac will be the first to tell you it is because I make it so. He doesn't worry about the sex. He doesn't need too. He learnt long ago to relax and enjoy it, that I didn't want Him to try and please me. I wanted to be the one pleasing Him. He knows that I am ready for Him at any time He requires and that I will entice Him at all other times. Everything I do is geared towards one thing, the pleasure of my Male. I dress for Him, I write for Him, and even when I was with Emma on New Years Eve, I took our sex to Him and enticed Him with it.

I also know that there will be times that Mac will not be interested in sex and those times it will not matter what I do or say or use to entice Him the answer will still be no. I cannot talk Him into anything, including sex if He doesn't want to be talked into it.

There are times I crave domination, demand that He dominates me and He will be busy with other things and will ignore my demands. I will pout and He will smile at me and tell me no and ignore me. I will whine and carry on and He will smack my hand and tell me no and ignore me. I will cry and beg and He will hold my hand and tell me no. Or I will kneel quietly beside Him and wait for Him to be ready and He will stroke my hair and love me for my patience and when He is ready, the answer will be pleasure beyond what I imagined.

Of course, you only have to look at what He does to know that He is dominating me each time He tells me no. He is in control and that means the things I demand are not the things I always get. The strange thing about it is that if He gave me the things I demanded with each demand I made I would push for more and soon become bored. I need to be told no even if it frustrates me to the point of screaming.

The D/s part of O/our relationship is always alive and always there because W/we don't push to keep it at the same intensity all the time. I am not His slave, it would not be right for U/us to live that way. W/we would tire of it, He much more quickly than I, so W/we don't bother with it. W/we do the things that come completely natural to U/us and in the way that comes natural to U/us. W/we both know that with one look, one tilt of His head, one word, I will automatically submit to Him. When He told me to go to the bedroom on New Years Eve, I did. There was no question of disobeying. There were no thoughts of the guests or of anything else. My immediate job was to go to the bedroom and wait and I would have waited until He came for me. If it had been 5 minutes or an hour, I still would have waited because that is what He told me to do.

Because He knows I will obey immediately, because I know that I will obey immediately, it doesn't need to be acknowledged between U/us all the time. Because it is always there beneath the surface, I am free to be myself and fly. I am not saying this is right for anyone else, but it certainly is right for U/us.

This morning was a little different for U/us. He started it. Mac was given The Godfather movies on DVD for Christmas. He asked me this morning if I had seen them. I haven't. He then took great delight in teasing me with the description of the wedding scene where Sonny Corleone fucks one of the pretty bridesmaids up against a door. He embellished the scene with things that are in the book that they couldn't include in the movie and added more to it when He knew He was stealing my breath.

It seems somehow appropriate that I now know that O/our bedroom door is strong enough to fuck against. It was highly erotic to have my legs wrapped around His waist, my arms around His neck relying on Him totally for support. He actually drew blood from my neck as I pushed my head back against the door and whimpered when He came.

And when my feet were back on the floor and my tongue had finished exploring His mouth, the conversation went like this:

Mac: Want to know what I love the very most about you?
Sarah: Yes! (Grinning) Tell me what it is?
Mac: I love how, when I have come, whether or not you have enticed me, and you usually do, I love how DELIGHTED with yourself you always are.
Sarah: (Much giggling and gurgling and nibbling on His jaw.)
Mac: Even if I come in seconds. Especially if I come in seconds!
Sarah: (More giggling and nodding and trying to slip my tongue back into His mouth.)
Mac: This is how it is supposed to be, baby. Don't ever stop.

How could I not be madly in love with Him?

Now I have to go and make the starving one some breakfast before He fades away into nothingness. I get to walk around my kitchen smiling at the warmth of His semen trickling down my thighs, just like the bridesmaid does in the book (which I haven't read). Then O/our plans for the day are to watch a DVD or two and go for a walk in the snow, perhaps a quiet dinner with some loud friends.

I am glad it is my life. I really enjoy living it.

On Boxing Day, W/we spent the day with relatives, way too many to think about. The men played pool all day, the women sat around talking about the men and the kids played with the large amount of Christmas toys they got. I chose to spend most of the day on the floor playing with assorted Lego and changing dolls clothes and watching Mac play pool.

I did wander back into the family room in time to hear the women discussing bisexuality and I hung around to hear the outcome of the conversation. The gist of it was that bisexuals are just greedy people who want to enjoy both worlds and are too immoral to make a choice and stick too it. I had to bite my tongue to stop me from laughing. I wondered if they realised what they were saying.

Is sexuality a choice we make? I am unsure if it is. Some of us are geared to like some things, and others of us may find them disgusting. As I said yesterday, my fantasies of being dominated and punished go back further into my childhood than I would care to admit here. If it was a choice I made then it was one I made before I knew what choices I had.

In the same way, my first tongue kiss was with another girl. I think it was more opportunity than anything else, boys didn't want to kiss, and girls did. There was no thought of it being wrong, or making choices or anything else. It was sexual, I did have feelings for this girl and I felt the kiss deeper than I have felt some of the boy kisses I have had but it was a one off thing, just an experiment and we moved along.

When it comes to partners, I don't think I am greedy, and I do make definite choices. I am quite picky. Men disappoint me easily and although I tend to flog relationships to the death, at the end I can look back and see how little respect I have left for him. (Hindsight is a wonderful thing.) Therefore the men that I choose to have relationships with have to be stronger, smarter, wittier, and dominating, or at least appear it.

Women on the other hand have to be feminine and soft and gentle and sweet. I do not like loud raucous women that act like men, or even women that want to dominate me. Nor do I like women that want to submit to me, I would have to role-play to dominate another woman and that would just be strange.

In saying that, I know there are women out there that like to dominate men, there are men who enjoy being dominated, there are women who like to be dominated by women and there are women who want to submit to other women. Good, I say. I love the diversity of the world and the diversity of its people and if it makes you happy, I am the last person who would want to judge you. Whilst these may not be what I enjoy, just like bisexuality or sex with many partners may not be enjoyable to you, I love to read about it if it is written with passion and honesty. I love to know what others are thinking and feeling. I hope you all enjoy my thoughts too, even if it isn't what you would do yourself.

New Years Eve, Emma and I did sneak off for a little heavy petting during the middle of the party. Unfortunately, Mac was not able to join us even briefly due to the fact that He, as always, had a gaggle of people around Him while He told them dirty jokes. I waved to Him, grinning as Emma and I quietly slipped away and I should have known from the way He smiled at me that He would get me back for my moment of smugness. Emma and I ducked into the bathroom and locked the door and fell on each other with passion, girlie kisses and groping and whimpers of lust and pleasure. It was only moments before I had my skirt hiked up and Emma realised I had no panties on and she quickly removed hers and tossed them into the clothes hamper and only moments later that we each had fingers inside the other.

I came first and Emma helped me stay on my feet, kissing my neck while I did. Then I worked my fingers back inside her until she was coming too. Then we both collapsed against each other giggling like two naughty little girls. We washed our hands and cleaned up our make up and just before we went out the door I asked Emma to wait and slid my hand up her leg and slipped two fingers inside her. She frowned at me asked why I did that but I kissed her and told her to wait and see.

We went back to the main room of the party and we both froze like deer in the headlights as Mac's voiced boomed out across the room. 'Where have you two been?' Emma and I both stood there in shock for a moment before Emma thankfully found her voice and said that we were just feeling each other up in the bathroom, which of course made everyone laugh. Who would really believe the truth? Mac's eyes were glittering with amusement when I slid up beside Him and slipped my sticky fingers into His hand. He immediately felt the moisture and His eyes narrowed. He pulled my hand up to just below His mouth.

'You?' He whispered.
'Emma,' I whispered back and as He kissed and licked my fingers behind His hand the sexual tension in the air between us thickened and I doubt that Emma and I were the only ones whose muscles were clenching. It was almost as though I could smell His arousal, see His need in His eyes and it made my knees feel weak. I had the feeling that the only thought in His mind was to take me right there and then. It was a very primitive feeling, a very basic need that passed between U/us and for a moment I became frightened that He would give in to it and I was relieved when He whispered in my ear that I should go to the bedroom and wait.

I did, of course and I am unsure how long it took Him to follow but when He did open the bedroom door I was kneeling on the floor waiting for Him. There was silence that stretched out just long enough for me to start to wonder if it wasn't Mac that had walked in before He spoke and I smiled at the sound of His voice.

'Show me.' He said and I stood and leant over the side of the bed and pulled my skirt up so He could see that I was ready for Him. I heard Him unzip His jeans and the head of His cock pressed against my ass and I tried to relax to allow Him inside me.

It was fast and it was very powerful to be ass fucked while O/our place was filled with people and when He had come inside me He pulled me to Him and kissed me and told me what a wickedly good girl I was and I felt like I was shining with that 'just fucked and I pleased Him' look for the rest of the night. Emma picked up on it immediately, gliding up next to me and whispering 'lucky girl' in my ear.

I wonder if everyone else saw it too?

When I spoke to wench the other night, I told her about a former boyfriend of mine that always wanted me to tie him up and rape him. This was always a hard thing for me to do as I always felt so out of control. How do I rape someone? Should I humiliate him? Call him names? Hurt him? The best I could do was tie him up and have sex with him, which hardly makes it rape. I always felt like I was faking it but I did my best to please him. I just thank the powers that be that he never asked me to hurt him. I can imagine it now.

SMACK
Him: ouch!
Me: Did I hurt you? Was it too hard? Should I do it softer? Do you want me to stop? I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.

I am sure it would have destroyed any mood we had created. I just cannot hurt anyone. On the other hand, I like a certain amount of pain. I am far from a pain slut that can be tied up and whipped and belted and caned and flogged and so on and so forth. Nor do I need a lot of pain to get the endorphin/adrenaline rush flowing, but slap my face or use a fine whip on my breasts and I will beg for more.

When I first started masturbating, my fantasies were of punishment. It was wrong, it was dirty and if I touched myself, it had to hurt for me to enjoy it. My orgasm was always achieved to appease an imaginary Him that would kiss me and tell me what a good girl I was to do as I was told and all my sins would be forgiven in His pleasure.

Mac is different to me, as one would expect. He never had fantasies of domination, or fantasies of hurting anyone and He once told me that the best way to make a woman want to please you is by making her come hard many times until she wants nothing more than to wind her fingers through your hair and wrap her legs around you and make you come. At the same time He has always taken the lead in His sexual relationships and never thought about taking a submissive role either. Mac just assumes that He is in charge of pretty much everything He does and strangely enough, people go along with Him.

So why is it that Mac gets a sexual rush at the sight of His girl on her knees, tear streaked and bleeding, begging Him to hurt her more? I think what He gets a rush from is the fact that I am so obviously aroused. My whole body becomes one giant erogenous zone and a single touch will leave me gasping for breath. Yesterday, I was half way to this point before W/we even started.

Emma put the cuffs on my wrist and did them up, but left them unhooked from each other, then we went to the bedroom where Mac was waiting for us. He kissed me fully on the lips and then put His hand on top of my head and I sank to me knees at His feet. He told me to take off the top then He hooked the cuffs together in front of me. Emma stood behind me and knew that she was there for support should I need it.

Mac said 'Offer me your breasts,' and the words thrilled me. I did my best to cup my breasts with the cuffs on and I presented them to Him.
'They are Yours'
'Yes,' He said. 'You belong to Me.'
I smiled softly. 'Use me as You will.'
He smiled too and told me to raise my arms above my head and keep them there. I did as I was told and He used the fine leather whip W/we own on my tits. The pain went deep inside me and found its way to my throbbing clit. I cried and I bit my lip and shook my head for Him to stop and when He did I pleaded with Him not to stop and so He gave me some more. Emma held my hands up when it became a struggle for me too and I lent my head back against her lower tummy and arched my breasts towards the whip and my mind swam, my whole body on fire with the pain from my tits.

When He felt I had reached a point that was enough He tossed the whip aside and grabbed me by the hair and pulled my mouth to His cock. He forced Himself inside my mouth and fucked me roughly, making me gag and choke. He came before I could relax to His rhythm and more of His semen spilt from my lips and dripped from my chin to my breasts than I could manage to swallow. My breasts stung from His come, deepening the ache within me. Mac leaned down and covered my mouth with His and He kissed me deeply again. He helped me to my feet and suggested that Emma use her mouth to clean me.

Her tongue against my abused skin made me sob both from the pain it caused and because I could hardly stand her touch. I needed to come and I didn't want any more stimulation until I could. I begged Mac to allow it but He said He wanted to fuck Emma. He unhooked the cuffs and told me to make Him come first, and then He would let me have the orgasm I craved.

I watched while He kissed Emma and she took His cock in her hands and started to stroke it. He pulled off her top and took down her panties and pushed her back towards the bed. I could see that He was already hard. He ran His unshaven jaw over Emma's tits and I whimpered as I imagined Him doing the same to mine.

'Get on the bed, Sarah.' He demanded and I obeyed, hardly even thinking. He told Emma to 'present' and she rolled to her stomach and raised herself to her hands and knees. He pushed Himself into her and I knelt behind Him and reached between His legs to stroke His cock and her clitoris as He fucked her. He lent forward over her back and I licked His balls. Emma grunted each time my fingers touched her clitoris and Mac was grunting with each lick of His balls and I was whimpering so desperate to come. Emma came, shuddering and groaning and I moved my hand so that my finger pressed into Mac's ass and I timed it to His thrusts into Emma and He growled and shuddered too, His semen oozing from her with His final strokes. He moved from her and I sat on the end of the bed still whimpering, unable to find the words I wanted to ask again if I could come. Mac slid off the bed and pulled me to my feet, spinning me around so He could hook the cuffs together behind my back and then He pushed me to my knees again with the bed at my back.

'Do you want to come, slut?'
More whimpering.
'Do you?'
All I could think to do was nod.
'There is only one way to make a slut like you come instantly,' He said.

He pulled my head up to look at Him and He slapped me.
'Slut'
'Whore'
'Cunt'
I took the three hard slaps to the face and I braced myself for more but He stopped.
'More,' I gasped
'Enough' He growled and then He reached between my legs and slid His hand inside my panties. His other hand reached for my neck and pushed me back against the bed, His fingers closing over my throat. I tried to gasp for air but couldn't draw breath and He rubbed my clitoris and the world started to go black around the edges and He whispered in my ear for me to come.

I don't know the words to express properly what happened next. I came but it was so far beyond coming that I don't know how to describe it. It was almost like my body exploded into tiny pieces and each of those tiny pieces were coming independently and yet I could feel each tiny parts orgasm. Somewhere in there Mac let go of my neck and drawing in a breath was like coming all over again. He kissed me and again I exploded in ecstasy. Mac was telling me He loved me and I could hear Him and I knew what He was saying but the words made no sense and my body just kept piling pleasure on pleasure on pleasure. I started crying to release some of the enormous emotion I was feeling and Mac kissed away my tears. He unlocked my hands and practically picked me up off the floor and laid me on the bed. He lay beside me and pulled me to His chest and stroked me while my body kept shuddering over and over.

It took a long time for every touch to stop sending me into another orgasm and Mac wouldn't let me go. Emma laid behind me and they both talked to me gently and it made me cry to feel so much love. I don't know how long it was before I started to drift off into sleep but after a while I jolted awake and asked Mac if it was ok for me to sleep and He smiled at me and kissed my eyes shut and told me to rest.

When I next woke Emma asked me if I wanted some orange juice and I couldn't think if I did or not so Mac told me to drink it and I did. Emma asked if I wanted a bath and again Mac told me I did so I had a bath. When I got out Emma helped dry me and Mac carried me back to the bed and Emma climbed into bed with me and we tangled ourselves together and Mac sat in the chair at the end of the room and grabbed a book. I watched Him for a while from Emma's arms and He felt me staring and looked up at me.
'It's ok, baby, go to sleep. I will watch over You.' It felt right to have Him there and I drifted back to sleep. I didn't wake until late last night and I read the comment Mac had left on here and I cried with happiness.

My breasts still bear the marks He put on them yesterday. There are tiny fine lines of broken skin as well as redness and some bruising. They are sore and yet I hadn't wanted Him to stop. I could have taken more pain from Him, I wanted Him to hurt me more, I wanted Him to slap me again and again but He wouldn't. There is a point He will allow me to reach but He will not go further than that. He pulls back and sometimes it frustrates me that He does but He always says that He has to be true to Himself first so that He can protect me from myself. I have learnt that when Mac says 'enough' He means it and no amount of begging or pleading will change His mind.

Today, with the way that I feel, the aches I have, the soreness of my breasts and my face and throat, I am glad that I have a man that doesn't want to hurt me. I think that if I had one that took pleasure from hurting me I would not know when to stop and I would end up really damaged. The marks He left on me are superficial and will probably heal faster than I would like them too. I cringe to think how much I would let Him hurt me if He liked it.

Mac helped me piece yesterday together for here. I remembered most of it, but not what order everything happened in. Emma was probably more involved but in all truth my concentration centred on Mac and myself (sorry Emma), as He was the one in control, the one I needed to please. I was still very grateful to have her there.

W/we don't have sex like that often, Mac just knew that with the mood I was in it would be easy to push me into heightened state of arousal and it was. He took full of advantage of it and gosh, it was so good.

I am glad W/we have a day to rest. All W/we have to do is lie around on the couch and read books and watch television.

Oh and of course I will have to take care of His cock, if the need should arise.

Smiles.

I woke this morning in a very sensual and very tactile mood. I don't know if it was the small but sufficiently giggly amount of alcohol I consumed, or the fact that I know that Emma is spending the day with U/us, or possibly it is because I have fallen in love with Mac all over again these past couple of days and Emma again last night but I feel so in tune with everything around me. I am finding pleasure in everything I touch and do. The sheets felt so clean and smooth against my skin, my hair smelt pretty, like soft vanilla shampoo, and Mac felt so warm and deliciously Male against my body. I could hear the whispers of lovers finding each other on makeshift beds in the other room and I watched the sunlight dance across the ceiling, sneaking in from behind the pulled curtains. I was letting everything in, letting myself fill up on each sensation when I heard Mac whisper my name. I turned to see Him watching me with His beautiful blue eyes and I started to cry from an overload of everything I was feeling. He was instantly worried.

'What's wrong?' He asked, full of concern.
'I am just so happy.' I stammered in reply.

He chuckled then and pulled me into His chest and stroked my hair and whispered soft gentle things to me and I was filled with all new emotions that overloaded me again. He held me until I calmed and drifted back to sleep and He didn't wake me until people had started to stir.

Everyone pitched in and the cleaning was quickly done and we made a huge breakfast of bacon and eggs and even those a little hung over managed a few bites to eat. Mac kept walking up behind me, slipping His arms around me and asking if I was ok. Each time He did it, my body would feel like it was on fire and I wanted Him to stop it but I was scared that He would stop it so I bit my lip and kept walking around in a half daze of passion. Emma knew something was wrong and asked me the first chance she had and when I told her she smiled at me and kissed my cheek and I felt my eyes grow watery with overload again.

When everyone had left Emma took my hand and led me to the shower while Mac made some excuse about moving some chairs. I can see now that this was something they had discussed at sometime this morning and it makes me feel very loved that they did. Emma washed my back and my front and her fingers were exquisite combined with the heat of the water against my skin. I felt myself teeter on the edge of orgasm but she kept her hands away from the area that would take me there and I didn't ask her to, feeling somehow that it would be wrong.

We sat on the bed after our shower and Emma brushed out my hair and gave me the white satin camisole and panties that were her Christmas present to me. I put them on while she put on a matching set in a very pretty pink. Then she suggested I come here and write some blog while she prepared food for later on.

So here I sit in the prettiest little white top and panties, the material making my nipples ache with lust, one exhale away from the edge of orgasm and one touch away from plummeting into its depths. I can hear Mac singing contentedly while He showers and I can hear Emma humming along from the kitchen. I feel so outwardly calm and demure and yet just beneath the surface is a raging whore waiting to be released. I know that He is going to make me scream and that she is going to hold my hand and I know that my need will betray me and I will plead with Him for more. I know they will lead me into an ecstasy of pleasure and of pain that will leave me shivering with desire. I know they are going to release the whore and give her room to play. I know they are going to let me fly.

The shower has stopped and Emma is waiting patiently for me to finish. She has the leather cuffs in her hands.

It seems it is time to begin...