It's new years eve and the way Mac figures, if He has to be working, I have to be working so W/we are going to put in some time cleaning the room that overlooks the (snow) courtyard so W/we can fit the partiers in there tonight to ring in the new year. This will have to be a quick post.

I spoke to wench and through her to Majesty yesterday on Yahoo Messenger. She made me laugh so much I was told to hush by Mac, and Majesty was asking her if she was ok. They thought we weren't behaving! We told each other funny stories about things we had gotten caught doing and I am going to encourage her to tell her story on her blog.

Wench asked me about Emma yesterday, as I haven't mentioned her for a while. Everything with Emma is just fine, she is as busy with her family and Christmas stuff as W/we have been and it's a little hard to ask her along to family gatherings. My parents are understanding about most things (I told wench how my Dad found ropes on the legs of Mac's bed when we were clearing out His apartment, my parents refer to U/us as the kinky children) but I am not sure they would understand U/us introducing them to O/our girlfriend.

I did speak to Emma last night, as did Mac. W/we all miss each other and want to spend time together, even if it is just to watch a movie or something. Emma is coming tonight and I am sure Mac wont mind if I sneak her off for a quick heavy petting session. I am aching to touch her and kiss her and smell her and make her come. I think Emma and I could disappear for ten minutes without anyone noticing, and if W/we time it right, Mac could disappear too. Emma is staying here over night, but so are others too, so she wont be sleeping in O/our bed, which is kind of disappointing, but I am sure she will be the last to leave tomorrow, though I doubt any of O/our heads will be in a mood for much more than sleep. That's ok though, I love sleeping in the bed with Mac and Emma, it's a little squishy, but oh so yummily warm.

Ok I have to go, Mac is frowning because I am still sitting here. I hope everyone has a loud and wickedly sexy new year.

The first time Mac left Emma and I alone together was quite strange for me. I told Emma I would like to write to Mac about it and she asked if she could see it too. She loved it as much as He did and last night I asked if she would mind if I shared it on the blog. She was thrilled at the idea, so here it is.

"We lay together on the bed. The afternoon sun warmed us and made us both feel soft and lazy. We both lay on our sides, facing each other and whispering softly of girlish things. Emma reached out and tucked a stray curl behind my ear. I smiled at how gentle her movements were, how soft and loving.

I leaned forward to kiss her and was still surprised at how smooth her lips were, so tender and so different to that of a male. She kissed me back, her tongue slipping quietly, tentatively into my mouth. I touched her tongue with mine, encouraging it to further explore. My hand reached out to touch her, the gentleness of her cheek, the curve of her hip, the fleshy bump of her breasts. She moaned softly into my mouth and I felt my cunt clench. Emma's hands reached out to touch me the same as I was doing to her and still we kissed.

There was no hurry, both of us content just to touch and discover what made the other gasp and what made the other moan or even giggle. We whispered between kisses, encouraging each other to go further. My hand slid between her legs and I was amazed at the wetness I found there. Her thighs were sticky with her juices. I had done it. I had made her that wet. I took my fingers from her and wrote her name across her belly. Emma giggled and moved down the bed so her head was level with my breasts. She nuzzled at them and I become aware of an ache within them. Her tongue reached out and softly flicked across the tip of the swollen nipple. I gasped as my cunt contracted tightly.

Her fingers slid across my wetness and slipped inside me. Her sudden intrusion caused me to clench again. I tangled my fingers in her hair and held her head to my breast. She ran a finger lightly across my swollen clitoris and I shuddered. She repeated the movement again and again and I groaned and grunted and thrust myself against her fingers harder. Her tongue flicked against my nipple in time to her fingers against my clitoris and I felt the warmth spread out from my groin and I exploded in a shuddering orgasm that made me whimper and close my thighs tightly, pressing her hand against me and making me shudder even more.

Emma let my nipple slip from her mouth and she grinned up at me, gurgling the way girls do. I had an urge to taste her and to make her groan the way she had made me. She wriggled up the bed so we could kiss, her fingers still sticky with me on my cheek. I moved over her, gently forcing her onto her back while we kissed, tongues pressing against each other. I moved slowly down her body, taking time to tease her nipples and to lick her stomach to clean it where I had written her name. She gasped and she moaned and she gurgled some more and parted her legs. I pressed my tongue against her clitoris and my stomach fluttered at the noise she made.

I took my time, tracing around her whole cunt with my tongue, holding it open so I could see the way it contracted and swelled. I kissed and licked and sucked her clitoris into my mouth delighting in every gasp I elicited from her. She held my head to her and writhed against me. Her back arched and she cried out and I held my tongue against her clitoris and imagined I could feel it throb. She held me to her tighter and I stayed there until she let me go.

I wriggled back up the bed and we kissed and licked and she could taste herself on my lips. Our legs tangled together and our bodies pressed against each other. We whispered soft loving words and kissed and touched and held each other more.

I thought of Mac. He said that He didn't mind if Emma and I spent time alone and still I wanted to share this time with Him.

So I did."

(After these holidays are over, I am going to get back to talking about stuff and not just filling up space with sex!)

I woke this morning next to a gorgeous Male, One that I love and adore. I snuggled in next to Him and watched Him sleep the sleep of the innocent and I wondered, not for the first time, how He could just switch everything off when He falls asleep. He doesn't toss and turn and He never has a thing called a bad night. If I am angry with Him He can fall asleep just as easily as He can if W/we have just made love. The only time He has any trouble at all sleeping is when He is horny, and then He just lets me take care of that and all His problems are solved.

He actually looks at peace with the world when He sleeps. I have never seen myself sleep, but I doubt I look as childishly innocent as He does. I do not have that switch off mechanism that some people (men?) seem to have. I dream, I toss and turn, I lay awake for hours listening to the ticking of the clock and the sound of the wind in the trees while worrying about anything and everything I can think of. Mac thinks I am nuts. You can't cure the world while you are tired. I know He is right and yet I still lie awake trying to figure out just why something didn't go according to plan and how I can make it work better next time.

The last few days have been a nightmare for U/us. A lot of miscommunication, over-tiredness, dealing with family that all feel they can improve O/our life and total boredom at listening to people talk about people W/we don't know while smiling politely and nodding in understanding. Mac was wading through everything I was telling Him and trying to sort out exactly what problem I was having and how He could fix it. It was kind of hard to explain it when I didn't know what it was myself.

Somewhere amongst the presents and the people and the expectations and engagements, W/we forgot to take the time to be U/us. The further I got away from feeling submissive the more uncomfortable I felt and so when Mac asked what was wrong, I bit at Him instead of talking to Him and W/we started on a spiral down. He put up with my angst for two days before He warned me that it was starting to piss Him off. I could hardly blame Him, I was angry with myself as well.

Last night He cuffed my hands behind my back and forced me onto my knees. He slid His cock into my mouth and told me to make Him come. I submitted. I licked Him and sucked Him and got Him close to orgasm then I gripped His cock lightly behind the head with my teeth and ran my tongue over the head while He came. I was a dripping mess when He was finished. He took His cock from my mouth and used it to smear His semen over my face. I looked up at Him and told Him exactly what I was thinking.

'I belong to You. Use me as You will.'

He dragged me to O/our bed, and He did use me. I am aching in so many different places. When He woke this morning and saw me watching Him, He smiled and told me I was a good girl and I please Him.

I think today will be a much better day.

I had a comment a couple of days ago from Quiver. I went to see her site and I found myself in the middle of a hand job. Well not in the middle of it, but in the middle of questions about it. It will come as no surprise to anyone that I love jerking Mac. I love anything to do with Mac but more often than not it will be my hand on His cock that starts the sex between U/us. I am not sure who started the rumour that men want more sex than women, but it certainly isn't true of me. I have never in all my life known a man that could keep up with me sexually, though Mac certainly comes close. I know He wont mind me telling you this, because whenever I joke with friends about all men only being interested in sex, He always asks me which of U/us wants sex more. He loves to make me blush.

I often view His cock as my own personal plaything and I am quite interested in the things it does. I find it a most magnificent wondrous thing. I want to constantly play with it, touch it, taste it, and feel it against me or in me. I want to fall asleep holding it and wake up stroking it. I want to caress it with the most intimate part of my body and even then I am not able to hold it close enough and I want Him to push it deeper within me. I want to nuzzle up against it with my cheek and watch it closely as it reacts to me. I wonder how it feels as it is stiffening, I wonder what it feels like as the pressure builds and I wonder how it feels as the semen spurts from it. I want to know what makes it feel good and what feels not so good and how to make it feel the best I can. I want Him to show me how to treat it just right and gosh I so much want Him to tell me what a good girl I am when it is perfect.

The reason that I love to jerk Him is because I get to see these things up close. I get to watch exactly how each stroke affects the size, the colour, and the stiffness of His cock. I love to watch the way it engorges and how red and swollen the head looks, the skin stretched so tightly across it so that the tiny lines on it disappear. Of course when I am watching it that closely, I am always tempted to reach out with my tongue and just lick it, feel it's heat and smoothness and taste the precum leaking from it.

Mac loves the fascination I have with His cock. He tells me that it is quite a turn off to know that a girl is just jerking you to appease you and has very little interest in the affect she is actually having. He loves that I will actually move to see it better, kneel on the floor or shimmy down the bed to watch especially when He gets close to orgasm.

When He does come, when I have watched the semen spurt from Him while He grunts and growls, I always feel so smug. I am so pleased with myself. 'Look at what I did to Him!' Mac says it is like watching a girl who asked for a Barbie for Christmas and got Barbie's house, car, wardrobe and 3 Ken dolls as well.

Another reason I love jerking Mac is because it is something that can be achieved almost anywhere, at the cinema with a jacket over His lap, in a restaurant under the table, against the wall in a darkened hallway, or in the car. I am sure people can get much more creative with it than me.

When I first became Mac's, W/we didn't tell anyone. It was a secret for a few months because W/we both knew O/our relationship would be met with some resistance from friends and W/we needed time to find out if it was right for U/us before W/we had outside interference.

I wrote this for Him one day after He had left. It was to remind Him of the way W/we said goodbye.

Her breath caught as He walked into the room. Everything seemed to stop as everyone turned to watch. She smiled at the attention He attracted just by arriving. She greeted Him much the same as everyone else did, only her eyes held His for a moment longer than was prudent. She turned back to her current conversation both hoping no one noticed and not really caring if they did. He found His way to her and took the conversation as His own. It did not matter what they had been talking of before He arrived, it immediately changed to sex once He was there.

The women responded to His masculinity, all vying for His attention that He gave in small allowances. He would mention this ones smile to make a heart flutter, that ones breasts to make a pussy leak. She knew the effect He was having. He knew it too. He would toss her a wicked grin before moving on to the next one, the next woman He wished to flirt with, only to grin at her again before moving on once more.

He incurred the wrath of the men who felt intimidated and she giggled at the inane name-calling and attempts to disprove His maleness. There was not a woman in the room that doubted His sexuality, which seemed to make the men doubt it more. He shared in her amusement and played to it, slapping the men with wit they didn't understand until He tired of it and turned His attention to her.

This was always her favourite part of the party. He would mention things to others that only they knew the true meaning of, casual references to things that they had shared. She blushed deeply and squirmed uncomfortably and He knew she loved every moment of it despite the protests she would make later when they were alone. Her nipples ached and she felt herself leak into her panties. She felt her need for Him rise and wondered if He felt it too. She knew He was as stickily in love as she was and she hoped He would find an excuse to leave soon.

He exited as He always did, simply and without fuss. A general announcement of His impending departure followed by a quick exit designed to not allow Him to be tangled in further conversation. She excused herself as unobtrusively as possible to join Him where He waited outside. She knew He would be there, expecting her to follow and He knew she wouldn't disappoint Him.

She stepped immediately into His arms and they breathlessly whispered their love between stolen kisses and wandering hands. He pushed her back against the wall and her hands went to His groin as His peeled her panties down so His fingers could pry into her cunt to feel how ready she was for Him. Her hand dealt as swiftly with His pants, her need to feel His erection making her blush. He groaned as her fingers found His cock and she could almost feel it throbbing. Leaning back against the wall she rubbed the head of Him against her swollen clitoris. He bit her lip and she felt her knees give way. He held her up against the wall and invaded her mouth with His tongue over and over. Her orgasm built in the pit of her stomach and when she knew it would not be denied any longer she thrust her tongue into His mouth, moaning against Him as her body shuddered in His arms. In the depth of her pleasure she registered His groan and felt His weight press against her as His come sprayed across her cunt and fingers. She stroked Him gently helping Him to empty himself against her. She felt each of His groans of pleasure deep within her stomach and grinned at Him as He pulled His lips from hers. She sank to her knees in front of Him and took Him into her mouth, sucking on all that was left within Him and cleaning Him carefully with her tongue. She giggled as His cock pulsed and He gasped and giggled again as the first giggle had made Him pulse and gasp some more. She glanced up at Him and He smiled at her and held out His hand for her to stand. She took it and pulled herself to her feet. He watched her as she pulled her panties up over the mess He had made on her. She adjusted her skirt back into position and smiled at Him. She licked her lips and He groaned. He kissed her deeply, pulling her close to Him.

'I have to go.' He whispered to her quietly. 'I won't be back for a couple of days.'

She looked at Him, dozens of questions flying through her mind. She wanted to ask where He was going? What would He be doing? Was it business or pleasure? Even what country would He be in next time they spoke? She wanted to ask Him many things and instead she kissed Him, knowing His time was short and knowing that He would be with her as soon as He could. She knew that He would miss her as much as she would Him.

'I have to go.' He sighed again and she could see His reluctance to leave.

'Have a good time, Babe.' She whispered to Him as His mouth found her neck and left her with a bruise that would last for days.

His hand cupped her cheek and when she looked into His eyes she saw the depth of their love for each other and she felt her eyes grow moist. He pulled her close again and kissed each of her eyes so softly she wasn't sure if He really had.

'Bye angel.' He said as He kissed her lips gently. He turned then and walked away. She watched Him go, first aching to call Him back then feeling the loss of His presence as an actual pain in her heart. She shifted slightly and felt the wetness of His come in her panties and she grinned. In some ways He would always remain with her and she knew He would be back. She turned and ran her fingers through her hair, wondering how long it would be before someone noticed that they always left together. She smiled at their secret and thought not for the first time that it was more just an unacknowledged assumption.

She walked back into the room and she purred.

Days are flying past and I hardly have time to be here. W/we have family visiting for a few days so I will fit in posts when I can.

I woke this morning and looked at my new skin on my site and felt really pleased with myself. For those that don't know (which would be most of you) I have never done anything with HTML before this site, I have always used 'point and click' sites for all my web based needs. I am proud of me for picking it up so quickly. (I even worked out how to change the colours on my comment box to match my new colours. I was getting tired of the blue.) I feel a little more individual, a little more me. Many thanks to wench of Primal Scream for giving me a nudge, even though she didn't know she was doing it, and to danae of danae's whisperings for suggesting blogskins.com where there are many free skins to choose from.

It's time for me to get back to family, so here is one of the emails I wrote to Mac when W/we were first together. It was a day I was celebrating being me.

"I want to tell You a secret about me. Well it's not really a secret to You because You already know, but I still want to say it in my way. A little more wallowing in who I am.

I am not the type of girl that climbs into Your bed expecting to be softly kissed, beautifully caressed and slowly teased into the act of making love. I am the type of girl that waits to be fucked.

Your woman is the type of female whose arousal comes from being near You. She will crawl to You across the floor, she will kneel at Your feet and You know You can keep her waiting for You as long as You like. You know that when You tug on her hair and pull her into position she will be ready for You to take in anyway You chose.

She will hurt and ask for it harder, she will ache and beg for it longer, she will cry and plead for You to never stop. Each stroke that You take in her ass, in her pussy, in her mouth, between her breasts, fills her completely as only her Man can.

Your woman revels in feeling Your teeth draw blood from her body. She delights in each of the marks You put upon her. She loves to see them in the mirror each day and show them to You each night. She falls in love with You when You kiss each mark softly, tenderly and she falls in love with You again when You mark her afresh.

She is fulfilled when she lays sweaty, aching, used, leaking, bruised, marked by Your come, Your teeth and Your hands. She takes satisfaction in knowing she gave You everything and You took everything she had to give and found Your pleasure in it and even as You lay sated, she knows that there will come a time that You will seek her again.

Your woman not only likes to feel You leaking from her, she likes to sit and squirm and make her thighs slippery with You. She likes to smell You hours after You have been inside her. She likes to slide her fingers up inside herself so she can taste the both of U/us mixed together.

Even though those things complete her, there is a moment for her that is even greater. It is not the moment of her orgasm, nor is it the moment of Yours. There is a tiny moment during sex that is more powerful then the orgasm itself. There is a split second in which You realise that Your orgasm is inevitable, but Your body has not quite yet achieved it. In that moment, as You abandon Yourself to the sensations that she helped create, she can see her beauty, she can feel her power, and she knows her worth. As You give Yourself up to the pleasure, as she watches You let go and concentrate everything on what You feel, she knows that there is nothing and no one more important than herself right now. That moment, which You close out everything but the pleasure she is giving, is her greatest moment. There is nothing for her that beats that.

Now I am all wet and slippery from the thought of being used by You. I wonder, would it please You if I slid my finger along my pussy and painted my lips with my juices and waited to be kissed?"

Surprisingly enough, it did please Him and He did use me.

I made Him late for work.

So, was I a good girl last night?

Let me put it this way, once I heard number 8, numbers 9 and 10 were not far behind.

I am a people pleaser. Sometimes, this exhausts me. I sometimes forget to look after myself while I am looking after everyone else around me. More often than not I will answer questions the way I believe people want me to answer them, especially when I am put on the spot. I think that's why I enjoy this blog so much. I am able to think things through before I ever say a word.

There are times I feel so disconnected from myself, it's almost like I am standing outside of me watching me trying to gauge what it is people want to hear. 'No, you didn't hurt me when you called me stupid.' 'Of course I wasn't upset to hear you had been talking about me behind my back.' 'Thank you for telling me my relationship with Mac is going to fall apart very soon. I appreciate you undermining my confidence in the guise of 'helping' me.' I cringe while I watch myself do this and sometimes I scream inside, wanting to say things the way they are, wanting to say 'yes, that hurt and I respect you less for thinking that' but instead I nod and understand and allow people to get away with treating me wrong.

Mac will not allow it. He will either ask for an apology on my behalf or suggest that I ask for one. I blush and I stammer and I struggle to find the words and usually it ends up with me almost apologising for being hurt. But I do it and I stick to it and I feel better about myself for it.

This always comes as rather a shock to my long time friends who are used to me accepting whatever they say about me or to me. Sometimes I think they are surprised to learn that I actually have feelings that can be hurt. Some of them get angry at being challenged and I have lost a friend or two because I would no longer lie down while I was being kicked.

I know I should question what these people consider friendship with their behaviour towards me, but I still mourned the loss of each of these friends, because I valued them, even if they didn't value me. I find myself wondering if they had as happy a Christmas as I did. I really hope they did.

When Mac asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I told Him that as long as I leaked His semen all day I would be a very happy girl. Of course He bought me other things, but as soon as W/we woke Christmas morning my first gift was His orgasm and teeth marks on my breasts. He told me that He was going to use me again before lunch, but as W/we would be at my parent's I very much doubted it could be done.

There is something extremely decadent about sex at your parent's house, no matter how old you are so I was almost coming by the time He sat me on the bathroom vanity and entered me. I sank my teeth into His shoulder so that no one would hear me moan and He held me as I shuddered and my cunt contracted on Him. As my orgasm subsided His approached and He pulled my head back by my hair so that He could kiss me. He grunted and growled into my mouth as His cock spilt into me and I giggled in delight. Even though I had washed my face in an effort to cool it, I was still blushing brightly as W/we sat down to eat. No one commented but I am sure they all suspected. Mac tells me it is just my guilty mind at work. Still I have to say, Christmas lunch was so much more delicious because I could feel His hot semen leak from me and wet my panties.

And He tells me He can hardly wait for Easter.

That's at His parent's house.

W/we have just spent two wonderful fun filled Christmas days surrounded by family and various friends and I am exhausted. I will try and post in the morning. I have a couple of things I want to say, including a thank you to Bacchus at Erosblog for taking my views on relationship respect to a wider range of people.

Right now I just want to sleep, so I will just leave you all with a quick list.

Ten of my favourite things about Him:

1. The way He smells after a game of rugby. Even if He has showered, the testosterone and adrenaline are still pumping.
2. The way He will put His hand on the back of my neck to calm me when He knows I am nervous.
3. The way His smile can warm me and send shivers down my spine.
4. The way He laughs. It's always a full and proper laugh and I always know He is really happy.
5. The gentle way He will hold a child.
6. The way that He will look at me across a room full of people and I will realise that right at that moment I am the only person that exists for Him.
7. The way He will take a curl of my hair from my face and tuck it behind my ear
8. The noise He makes in the back of His throat when I rub my wet thumb across the head of His cock.
9. The way His voice thickens when He is just about to come.
10. The way He growls my name when He comes.

Ok, bed time for this girl. Perhaps, if I am a good girl, I will get to hear those last three before I sleep.

Grins.

It's Christmas!

Well it's Christmas Eve which means there is baking to be done and last minute shopping to be picked up and of course presents to be wrapped. I hate it when I think I have it all done then I realise that I didn't get a present for someone. Still, I love Christmas. I am like a little girl let lose in a candy store. I want to buy everything for everyone and I have to be told to stop, especially when it comes to the kids. There are a plethora of nieces and nephews that I feel need more toys despite what their parents think. I also believe in loud toys and water pistols. The kids love me. Their parents are biding their time until I decide to have kids of my own.

I want to take this chance to wish everyone a safe and yummy Christmas. I hope Santa brings you all the wicked things you desire.

As for me, I have a busy day today, and so with Mac's permission, I have decided to post something that Mac wrote for me one day when His thoughts were filled with me. He doesn't write often, but boy I love it when He does.

He had told her to dress exotically, but sluttily, and she smiled to herself as she thought of how her breasts stood proud and naked out of the leather tunic, how the skirt only just covered her pussy, how if she were to stretch her arms above her head just a little it would rise and reveal to whomever wanted to see that his ring still marked her cunt as his.

He had not said much to her, had just led her to the room in the Crown Plaza, her wrists tightly bound behind her back and her eyes covered. She had begged Him for another adventure and He had eventually called her and told her to be ready.

She stood where He placed her and tried to imagine the scene. How many were there? Males? Females? She was hearing no one but him, sensing nothing but his presence. He leaned and kissed her neck and His hand touched her between the legs, briefly, enough just for Him to feel she was moist. She felt Him bring his fingers to his mouth as He said...wait here, girl, until I am ready for you. Then He left, and she heard the door close.

She stood patiently and waited. As usual she had no idea what He had in mind for her. As usual she had tried to anticipate and as she prepared herself had shuddered and shivered with wicked imaginings of whips and chains and switches and ties and cuffs and pain and penetration and of being used for the pleasure of countless men. In spite of her resolve to wait, as usual she had spent most of the day in the midst of, or recovering from, orgasm.

The door opened, and she heard someone enter. One? Two? She wasn't sure. Whoever it was approached her, and she sensed more were coming into the room. It seemed that as people entered and saw her their conversation stopped, and she lost all sense of how many there were, or where he was. All she knew was that He would be there, somewhere, looking out for her. She knew that He would allow nothing to happen which could put her in danger, in spite of Him knowing that her desires were becoming more decadent, more extreme.

Suddenly her senses stopped trying to assess the whole scene and she was brought to focus on what was happening right next to her. A voice spoke, right next to her

'So, this is the entertainment. Look, people, what we have here.'

She felt a hand grip her hair and force her downwards. She knelt, and immediately felt the heat of a cock against her chin. She was offered no choices, no chance to decide whether to lick and tease, or turn her head away. Her head was forced to the penis and it was thrust roughly into her mouth. She gagged, there was no finesse, just thrusting and a tight tight grip on her hair. She felt the cock swell and become hotter and suddenly wet heat was filling her mouth and she could hear and feel the man's breathing as he panted and groaned.

Almost as soon as he had started he was finished, withdrawing from her mouth and letting go of her hair.

She knelt, and waited, head bowed, as she knew He liked her to. She could feel hot semen drip from her chin to her breasts.

'Look up' a voice said to her. She continued looking down. Out of contrariness she would not look up until He told her to.

'Look up, bitch!' said the voice and suddenly she was slapped hard across the cheek, so hard she lost her balance and fell backwards.

'I like them with some spirit' snarled the voice, and she lay awkwardly on her tied wrists. She felt her skirt ride up and knew she was exposed, and felt many eyes on her though she couldn't see them. She felt her legs being forced apart and was aware someone knelt between them. She braced for what she knew would be a sudden thrust into her...but was surprised to feel not a penis, but a mouth. He was leaning down and licking her. She felt her body respond instantly and she let out an involuntary moan. It was enough. He laughed, straightened, knelt up, and she felt his cock as he held the tip against her. She waited, tried to relax, and suddenly with a grunt he was thrusting deep, deep into her. She heard her own gasp, and found it difficult to catch her breath. He started to pump his hips and she lay still, legs apart, while she was taken. Then he leaned forward and started to kiss and bite at her nipples and in spite of wanting to appear the innocent, the victim, her body took over and she wound her legs around this unknown man and pulled him deeper and tightened on him and suddenly was desperate for him to be pleased with her. When eventually he raised his mouth from her breasts and kissed her lips roughly, she sighed, moaned, explored his mouth with her tongue, and felt him shudder as his orgasm exploded deep inside her.

She lay there for what seemed like a long long time, being fucked by man after man, and soon she was taking a cock in her mouth at the same time she was being fucked and was losing herself in the sheer decadence.

In time the frenzied fucking and sucking slowed, then ceased, and the room became quieter. Eventually there was just one person talking to her, a girl. She was helped to her feet and she realised there were just the two of them left. The girl showed her to the bathroom and helped clean her up.

'You had better tie me up again and put the blindfold back on. He hasn't given permission to remove them'

She was guided back to the middle of the room, so she could wait for Him. She smiled to herself, and hoped she had pleased Him.

He came back, and approached her. He stood in front of her.

'Princess' he said 'listen, I am sorry. There is a change of plan. The people I had arranged to be with were told the Regent Plaza, not the Crown Plaza. They are on their way here now. They will be another 30 minutes. You will wait here like a good girl while I go down to wait for them.'

Written by Mac.

(Quick message) Could Galilei from Fuck Me Like An Animal please get in contact with me? I have no problem with my story being posted on your blog. I just ask that it be acknowledged as Written by Sarah at Submissive Reflections. (End of quick message)

W/we went out to dinner last night with friends. Mac was working at the office yesterday so He decided to meet me there. A friend of O/ours, Christine, picked me up as her husband was meeting her at the restaurant too. We got there before the men and we settled into the bar to wait. Other friends joined us we were all talking and joking and generally having a good time. Christine's husband, Dan, arrived and he kissed her and she fended him off, complaining about her makeup, he told her she looked beautiful and she told him not to be so silly. She complained about him being late and that everyone had had to wait for him, even though we were all still waiting on Mac. Dan mumbled an apology and stood off to his wife's side like a chastised child.

Mac walked in a good ten minutes later, greeting everyone noisily and asking what they were waiting for. He put his hands on my waist, kissed my lips and told me I looked delicious. I grinned up at Him and said thankyou. I was wearing the dress He had suggested, a short black dress. I had added stockings, high heels and hadn't bothered with panties. Mac knew without me having to tell Him. He boomed out an apology for being late and grabbed my hand and led everyone to the table. He made sure I was sitting beside Him.

I watched as Dan trailed along behind his wife and as she told him where to sit. Menus arrived and while everyone was reading Christine announced loudly to Dan that he had better not order anything to fattening, he had to watch his weight. She continued through the meal to make fun of Dan's receding hair line, tell everyone he had not gotten the recent promotion that he had applied for which is why they couldn't afford a new car and generally put him down every chance she got. I felt so sad for him but he didn't react to it at all.

Mac was His usual boisterous self. He had the whole table in tears laughing at stories about Christmas at His parent's house, keeping everyone entertained. His hand kept sneaking under the table and up my skirt to feel how wet I was, which of course only made me wetter. My hand kept sneaking under the table to feel how hard He was, which of course only made Him stay hard. He kept leaning into my ear to whisper wicked things about where He wanted His cock and I kept whispering back about what I would do to His cock when it was there. W/we were keeping each other close to the edge of orgasm.

After dinner I excused myself to go to the bathroom and Christine came with me. She was touching up her makeup when I went to wash my hands and she told me how lucky I was to have Mac, as He was so male. It was all I could do to bite my lip so I didn't tell her that maybe Dan would be more male if she stopped treating him like a child. I just smiled and went back to the table and kissed Mac's cheek.

Why is it that some women can treat their man that way? Why is it that some people seem to have forgotten how to accept a compliment and affection? If Mac wants to show His appreciation for me I am going to let Him. If He wants to kiss me, I want His lips on me. I can live with messed makeup if it means the feel of my skin and the way that I smell is teasing His senses. I will not call Him silly or push Him away. I will not belittle Him ever, let alone in front of other people.

If you love someone, why would you want to bring them down? When I am with Mac I want to make Him feel good, I want to tell people how proud I am of the Male in my life. I wouldn't tell anyone that He didn't get the promotion, but I would tell them of how He scored a try in the rugby game at the weekend. I wouldn't mention that His hairline was receding but tell Him He had really sexy eyes and if I was worried about His weight the last place I would say it would be amongst friends.

I wish I could say that Christine and Dan are the only couple I know like this, but they are not. I see it often enough for it to bother me. You don't have to be submissive to show your partner respect. You don't need to lower your eyes or be a sexual slave to accept the gift of their compliments graciously and show them that you care about them.

Mac would be Mac no matter whom He had at His side. He would not tolerate any woman treating Him the way Christine treated Dan. He would move along pretty quickly. But I would like to think that I give Him something when I show others the respect I have for Him, even if it is just a sense of satisfaction that this relationship is right.

When W/we got to Mac's car last night, He was ready. He pulled my head to His lap as soon as I sat down and He came in my mouth almost immediately. He had had over three hours of build up, as had I. He told me to pull up my dress and masturbate but not to come until He said. I did as I was told and while He drove He told me what He would do to me when W/we got home. When W/we stopped at a set of traffic lights He leaned over and pushed two fingers into me and told me to come. Again I did as I was told and the intensity of my orgasm left me shaking. When W/we drove on He told me to keep masturbating and the next time He had to stop He did it again, and then again. I was actually relieved when W/we got home because my stomach muscles hurt from coming so much. But of course, by that time, Mac was hard and ready again. When W/we got inside He made me work for His orgasm and this morning I still ache from being used. It's a lovely ache to have.

I wonder if Christine allows Dan to fuck her? I think she would, as long as he promised not to mess up her hair.

Yesterday was a feast. Today the hunger is as strong and I know it will last at least until tomorrow. Mac is right I am ovulating and I do get this way each month. As for Him being glad of the respite, I laughed. He loves it, simply loves it and has as much trouble keeping His hands to Himself as I do. My instinct is to rut with as many big strong males as I can, His instinct is to make sure He is the only one rutting with me.

Even though I always want sex, even though I would love sex with Mac and with Emma and with other people constantly, even though I always look at the builders and think yum, during this time of the month what I really want is men to come deep deep inside me. I want their semen filling my vagina, and spilling into my uterus. I don't ache to be ass fucked or to have my mouth used, though I would not complain if this pleased Him. I still have a drive to please, but right now it is second to needing a male's seed to fertilise me. Luckily during this time Mac has a drive to come deep inside me. He will harden at the slightest touch and even if I am pleasuring Him with my hands or mouth He will strive to enter my cunt to come.

I smiled at whisper's comment. I doubt my friends would admit to feeling it either though I think that at sometime they must. They all think I am a tad strange because I defer to Mac on things. If my friends knew exactly what Mac and I got up to at times I am sure I would have very few friends left.

I would like to thank you all again for the wonderful comments I received. I love knowing that you understand what I feel and sometimes feel it too. I also have to thank k for her hug on the post about Ian. I missed her the other day when I was saying my thanks. k's blog was the first I ever read and her honesty about her relationship was what made me want to write about Mac and I. I needed a place where I could just spill it all and this place is just right. I thank her for her inspiration.

You know, I can actually see the builders from right here, where I am sitting. They are close enough for me to see their muscles flexing, but far enough away for me to know they can't see me stare. I wish I could hear them grunt with the exertions from their work. I ache to go over there and offer myself to them. I wouldn't mind being on my hands and knees on the bare ground feeling one of them enter me while the others stood around and watched. I wouldn't mind being taken by one after the other so that my cunt was never empty for long. I wouldn't mind each one pulling my hair and biting my neck and pushing deeper inside me than the last. And I wouldn't mind them grunting and growling while they ejaculated into me.

I wonder if I should take them over a cool drink?

Yes. I am still hungry.

I am hungry.

I watch Him move around the room unaware of all that I am thinking and feeling. He smiles at me with the air of One without a care in the world. He stands casually in His blue jeans and crumpled shirt waiting for me to reply and I smile sweetly and hope that my eyes do not give me away. He doesn't know that the tables have turned, that the prey has become the predator. I want to feed.

He used me yesterday for His pleasure and I still feel the marks of His hands and the bruises from His teeth and it is not enough to slake the gnawing in my stomach, the ache in my groin. Lay still my darling Male, I promise this wont hurt. I want nothing more than the groan from Your lips and the semen from Your balls. Fuck foreplay, who needs it? Not me, I don't care if You touch me, I don't care if I come. I could take care of that without You. I know where my clitoris is. I don't need You to show me. It is You that I want, Your lust that fills me. I want to fuck. Give me Your cock and I will empty Your balls of all You have and still I will want more.

I want the builder from across the road that caresses each piece of wood as he drives a nail home. I want his young apprentice, the one that blushes each time I say hello. And I want the other guy, the one that doesn't speak but looks at me like he is hungry too. I want to rut with them like a dog in heat. I want to take their cocks inside me and force each of them to spill. I want to drag their semen from them again and again until I have it all. I want to make them growl and shudder and spurt. I want to fuck them over and over again until they are spent. And then I will still want more.

I want to be taken to Your rugby club and offered up to the players on Your team, those giant men awash with adrenaline and testosterone. Strap me to the table and sacrifice me to their lust. Let them dirty me with their muddy hands and mark me with their sweaty scent. Let them use me. Let them drive their cocks into me until I scream for them to stop while begging for just one more. One more cock to spill inside me, one more set of teeth to mark my tits, one more set of balls to empty. Please, just one more? Let just one more call me slut and let me revel in the way the word rolls from his lips as his cock pulses and I feel his seed empty into me. I need them all so deep inside me, deeper than ever before. I need their semen to spill from me as new men take me. I need to be drenched in come. I need their pleasure. I need.

The hand at my neck startles me back to reality and I blush as I realise He can see the words on my screen. 'So my girl is hungry,' Mac's voice hisses in my ear as His fingers trail down to cup my breast. My head lowers and I am too embarrassed to speak. His teeth nip gently at my neck and His thumb plays across my erect nipple. 'Is she?' He asks gently but firmly stealing any control I had and causing my body to throb with lust. I nod and He grins at my lack of voice. 'Finish your post, and then come to the bedroom. I think it is time I fed My slut.' I shudder as He walks away. The tables have been righted. I am the prey once more.

The meal shall be delicious.

I almost stayed away from here today, not because I am sad or hurt, but because I feel cleansed and empty. Not a bad empty, just empty of things that I need to say right now.

I decided to write because of the comments I received on yesterday's post and I want to say how much they mean to me. I felt very alone when I wrote the post and very alone when I put my feelings out on the line and I was very touched to find that I was not alone at all.

I would like to say thank you to yes_please_girl, elissa, shi, okami{Rizz}, Danor and Taisha. I was always told that one must stand alone to be strong, but I now believe that there is strength in reaching out to others when you need to and there is strength in accepting the hand that is held out to you. Your hugs, tears, words of encouragement and acceptance have all given me strength and filled me with warmth.

I am going to go now and spend the day being loved and cherished and used for His pleasure. I promise to be back tomorrow with more to say.

Take care all.

She wound her fingers into His hair and gently pulled His mouth to hers. He kissed her eagerly and gasped as her tongue wriggled sensuously past His slightly parted lips. She giggled softly in delight, holding Him to her more with her wont than with her hands. She kissed Him for minutes that seemed to last forever and still He growled at her for more when she pulled away.

'I love You' she whispered and kissed Him along His rough jaw. He growled again and pulled her back so she could invade His mouth with her tongue once more. Her hands found their way to His tumescent cock and her breathing deepened. She felt His desire throb through Him as she gently jerked Him against her belly. She moaned when He shuddered and He felt her nipples grow hard against His chest. He bit her lip and she cried out as He spilt across her tummy and pussy. She jerked Him until He had leaked the last of His semen then she licked her fingers slowly and with much pleasure. She smiled at Him happily. She needed nothing more from her Male than what He had already given. He tucked her carefully into His arms and rocked her slowly against Him.
'I love You' she whispered again. He kissed the top of her head and she knew He would watch over her protectively while she slept.

Thank you to Mac who last night surprised me with by leaving a comment on my last post. It made me giggle. I realised today that the two 'fantasies' that I have posted have both been written from the male's point of view. I guess this is because I want to know what's going on in His mind and I like to assume it is more than just 'GOD THIS FEELS GOOD' although I don't mind that it does feel good. I would guess that if I asked Mac to write about the same sequence of sex that I wrote about yesterday, it would go something like this:

"W/we had sex. I took her from behind. She came. I came. I fell asleep. It was good."

And, that's basically what I said. I just used more words. Grins.

Thanks also to k and again to okami{Rizz}. Mac is right, your comments mean a lot to me.

I have debated with myself over what I want to write today. This is not going to be easy to share and chances are someone will be offended or hurt, maybe even me. I am lucky though, because when the demons come to visit me, Mac is there to hold me tight. Please do not read any further today if you are offended or hurt by violence in a relationship.

I lived in an abusive relationship for nine months. It never started out abusive though I had heard things about his ex leaving him because he had hit her. I could not equate the funny, charming and in control man with someone who would hit a woman in anger. I am not sure how long I was dating Ian before the abuse started but it was an insidious and gradual thing.

I went from being his beautiful girl to needing to lose a few pounds. Then I was fat. Then I was ugly. Then I was lucky to have him and I believed him each step of the way down. Why wouldn't I? I loved him and he loved me. He must be right. Then He started to hit me.

I remember the first time so clearly. Sometimes I wish I couldn't. Ian and I went to the movies on Boxing Day and we bumped into a friend of mine from university, Tony. He was a sweet guy, doing the same course I was and I was happy to see him. I said hello, introduced him to Ian and they shook hands then Tony kissed me on the cheek and wished me a merry Christmas. Ian and I said goodbye and watched the movie and went home. I didn't notice anything wrong with Ian's behaviour at all.

Ian started to kiss my neck and he led me to the bedroom and I followed eagerly. He started to kiss my fingers and it was making me feel all mushy inside. He took my little finger into his mouth and he sucked on it and I shivered and then he bit it. Hard. I was screaming and trying to pull it from his mouth and pushing at him with my other hand and I heard the bone crack and the pain was excruciating. He let my finger go and he backhanded me across the face. I fell to the floor, nursing my finger and trying to protect my face at the same time. He asked if I had fucked Tony and for a few moments I had no clue what he meant. He kicked my thigh when I didn't answer and I screamed again. He asked again if I had fucked Tony and I quickly answered no. He kicked me again. I had backed myself into a wall and I couldn't get away from him. He asked if I was sure I hadn't fucked Tony and I told him I was sure. He grabbed a handful of hair and put his face right to mine and he screamed that I was to never allow another man's lips on me again.

I was stunned, I was aching in so many places and I didn't understand his anger at all. He picked me up off the floor and pushed me onto the bed. Every time I moved, jolts of pain would shoot up my arm from my finger and I had numb spots on my thigh from the kicks I had taken. I lay on the bed crying and watching him, ready to run first chance I got and he casually undressed himself while he watched me. He was erect and even when I noticed this, I didn't realise straight away what it meant. As he moved towards the bed, it suddenly struck me that he intended on having sex with me and without thinking I rolled away from him and tried to get off the bed. He was faster than me and grabbed my hair and easily pulled me back down while he laughed.

He climbed over me and I tried to push him off but it was pointless, he was at least 40 pounds heavier than me and I only had one hand I could use. I scratched at His chest with my uninjured hand and I drew blood and he slapped me hard enough to make my head ring. He called me a bitch and he grabbed my other hand and he squeezed it tightly and the world went black around the edges from the pain. I could feel the broken ends of bone grinding over each other and my brain was fuzzy and my stomach turned over. He pushed my skirt up and pulled my panties aside and he entered me.

I know that some people would say that I was raped, but I wasn't, not really, because he wasn't inside me long before I was wrapping my legs around him and pushing my hips up to meet him and kissing him and doing everything I could to make him come. I wanted to him to come, I needed to please him and I hated myself for needing it.

He came quickly and rolled to lie beside me but he kept one leg and one arm firmly over me. He told me it was okay now, I was forgiven, but that I had to understand that no man was ever to kiss me, that was only for him. I was his property and he did not like it when other men touched his property. I stared at the ceiling and cried quietly. He kissed me and told me to go to sleep. He kept his arm and leg over me and I didn't try to move. I didn't move when he was asleep and rolled away from me either. I just watched the ceiling and cried a lot and tried not to move my hand at all. I thought of so many things. I wanted to kill him, I wanted to die, I wanted to run away and never come back, but I never moved.

When he woke in the morning he looked at my finger and announced we had better go to the hospital. It was x-rayed and strapped to the finger next to it. It was really silly of me to slam it in the door like that. For the next few weeks he was great, doing all the things that I couldn't do for myself, helping out with anything that I needed help with. He never said he was sorry, he never even mentioned that night again.

Then one day, completely out of the blue, something set him off again. He didn't break any bones this time, I guess he didn't want me back at the hospital and he made sure none of the bruises would show. It aroused him to beat me and he forced me into sex and again I wanted to please him and as much as I hated him, I hated me more.

I stayed for another 6 months. He didn't beat me all the time, probably 6 or 7 times in all, and the reason that I did finally leave him was not because he beat me. We were at a party and Ian was drunk and so was his best friend Paul. Paul started to feel me up and I pushed him and started to walk away. Paul punched me in the kidneys and my knees buckled and I found myself on the ground gasping for breath and Ian did nothing to stop it. Ian did not protect me. Some other guys at the party stepped in and threw Paul out and one of my friends took me inside and cleaned me up. She said nothing about the bruises that were already healing. I told her I wanted out of the relationship and she hid me in a bedroom and got one of the guys to stay with me in case Ian came looking for me. When Ian had passed out, my friend and the guy drove me to my parents place and they stayed with me while I told my parents everything.

My parents were amazing. They never left me on my own, they wouldn't let me answer the phone and they made sure I never saw Ian again. They never blamed me for the 3am abusive phone calls or got upset at having to go places or stay home with me. After a couple of weeks my brother went to Ian's place to get the things I had left there and it was a while after that I heard that Ian was sporting a black eye around that time and had put in for a transfer at work. I never asked my brother if he had anything to do with it. Some things are better not known.

My bruises healed and I moved on and I was able to find a healthy relationship with someone else. I was lucky. I know there are women out there that stay in these types of relationships and I can actually understand why they do and I hope they find the help they need to get out.

I brought this up here because it came up in a discussion that Mac and I had on how submission can be taken advantage of and has been playing on my mind ever since. I have a habit of playing things over until I write them down, then I am able to let them go. I have never really forgiven myself for needing so desperately to please him when he had hurt me so badly. I think now it is time.

If you made it this far with me, I appreciate it.

Thank you.

Thank you to mbl for his wonderful and fast reply to my technical questions. He really does deserve to be kissed!

Thank you also to okami{Rizz}. Your comments were lovely and I appreciate your words. I will email you the Brazilian waxing details, as I believe a girl should keep some things secret. Mac doesn't ever need to know what I have done to my hair to make it look pretty or what I pluck, or trim or otherwise preen. He should just be allowed to enjoy the finished product. At the same time, Mac loves to watch me put on make-up or paint my nails or brush my hair. I will often be doing one of these really girlie things and catch Him watching. He will smile at me and it always fills me with warmth and it never fails to make me feel appreciated.

I have a weakness for Alpha Males. I admit it. I like men that are loud and arrogant and intelligent and witty. I like men who are physically strong and mentally sharp and who take the lead. I like men who exude confidence and seem to not care what others around them think of them.

When Mac is not with me, I have a tendency to seek out the strongest male in the place and submit to them. This only happens when I feel the strongest male is stronger than me and meets all of my requirements, so it happens rarely. But when it does my desire to submit is very strong. This is not always a sexual thing for me, though my sexuality and my submissiveness is strongly linked. Some times though it is just a desire to be me, to be my submissive self and to not have to watch the world. I see it as a place to rest.

The submission is usually nothing more than a simple lowering of my eyes and speaking softly but clearly when spoken too. It is the type of submission that a parent may expect of a child or a boss may expect of an employee except it is offered casually and in my experience, it confuses the male it is offered too. They are never quite sure how to handle the sassy smart mouth girl that suddenly becomes quiet and gentle. Some men get all flustered and run, some men accept it as their due and some men offer me a further chance to 'surrender'. I am always fair to them and always say that I have One in my life and am not looking for another. Again they either walk away or accept it and allow me a moment of respite in their dominance. And really that's all it is.

The first time I ran to Mac agitated and upset because this had happened He questioned me carefully to make sure of exactly what it was I had been looking for and exactly what it was I had taken from the man. He kissed my cheek and told me that it was fine and W/we were ok. The next day, after Mac had given it some more thought He told me a story of when He was four years old.

He had been at the train station with His mother, huge train station, huge people everywhere and He was only tiny. He had gotten separated from His mum and so, with all the wisdom of a four year old, He walked alongside another lady and slipped His hand into hers. She looked down at Him surprised, and then smiled at Him because she could see something He couldn't, and that was His mother running around like she had been snake bit.

Sometimes I am like that child lost in a crowd at a train station and all I need is someone to hold my hand until I find my One again.

A quick fantasy, or maybe it was the reality of last night...

He drove His cock into her and listened to her gasp in pleasure. He enjoyed taking her like this, as she knelt before Him on the bed, resting on her knees and elbows. It was easy sex. The type to have when the day had been long and the body was tired. He drove into her again and she moaned and He smiled at her lust. He reached beneath her and gently stroked her clitoris and she gasped and moaned together. He felt her back arch as she pressed herself against His fingers and He knew her orgasm was about to start. She grunted and He pinched at her clitoris, squeezing it between His thumb and fingers and she squirmed and bucked and writhed beneath Him. She swore and whimpered and screamed His name and He enjoyed the jolts of pleasure that coursed through His cock with each movement she made and each sound that she uttered and the grinding of her cunt as her orgasm tore her apart.

He sensed the moment that her pleasure was to turn to pain and He released her. She would have collapsed to the bed beneath Him but He supported her under her tummy and pulled her back onto His cock. He drove into her again and she sobbed. He ground His hips against her and she squirmed and wriggled and arched her back to take Him deeper. He thought of holding back and she turned her head to look at Him over her shoulder. Her tongue wet her lips and she giggled at the way He watched her. He fell against her and still she pushed against Him. Her tongue snuck out into His mouth and she moaned when He growled and she used everything she had to make Him spill. Her cunt contracted and she pushed back against Him and her tongue wriggled in His mouth. She cooed softly and even as His cock throbbed and pulsed and emptied inside her He sensed the thrill she felt and knew she was filled with love for Him.

He collapsed against her, forcing her flat to the bed as He lay over her and let her cunt suck at Him. He kissed her neck gently and enjoyed listening to her gurgle softly as she finished Him off. His cock softened slowly and she kept clenching it with her muscles until it slid from her. He rolled quietly to His side and she moved to snuggle in next to Him. The weariness of the day caught up to Him again and He yawned lazily and stroked her hair. She snuggled in closer and lay quietly in His arms, understanding His tiredness. She listened as His breathing became slow and even and felt His body relax into sleep. He enjoyed the feeling of her warmth beside Him, His mind slowed and He felt it start to close. He heard her whisper and He smiled slightly and He fell asleep thinking how much He loved her too.

I keep saying that I used to submit to Mac before I even knew what submission was but I have never really elaborated on this. I thought I might explain this a little today.

The first time I met Mac, it was at the end of a very long and very stressful day. One of my friends knew Him and introduced U/us. He started to tease my friend and in the process dragged me into it. I was tired and a little cranky and His words, although a light tease, really got to me. He saw that I was upset when I walked away and He followed me and asked if I was ok. I told Him I was just tired and He smiled at me and told me to go home and go to bed. I nodded and said goodnight, and did.

The second time I saw Mac I was talking rather crudely with a male friend of mine, being quite vulgar. Mac come over, heard us talking and made a comment in disgust and walked away. I was horrified and tried to talk to Him but He just said He really wanted nothing to do with that kind of talk. I never spoke in that manner again.

For a while after that Mac had little to do with me. If I saw Him while I was out He didn't notice me and I would shy away. He knew me to be an outgoing sort of person and thought that I would sulk when He showed up because He would always become the centre of attention. It wasn't until I found a quiet moment and asked Him to please stop ignoring me because it made me feel invisible that He realised that perhaps I wasn't quite as confident as He thought I was and He did His best to acknowledge me after that.

There was a night Mac and I were talking and watching some girls in the bar. They were swearing and yelling and pounding each other on the back, making sure the whole place was watching them. They were hitting on men and being obnoxious and after watching them for a while Mac said, 'Don't ever feel like you have to act like a man for attention, I much prefer to be around women who just want to be women'. I stopped trying so hard to hold people's attention after that, and I discovered that people preferred to be around a more relaxed and feminine Sarah than the girl who was always trying to be someone else.

There were more things, little things, like learning the rules of His favourite sport and reading books that I knew He had read so I could hold a conversation with Him. I can look back at O/our friendship and see all the things I did to get His attention, to keep His attention and to please Him and the thing that amazes me most is that I felt relief at being allowed to do each of these things. I wasn't changing to please Him, He was just giving me permission to be me. No wonder I was in love with Him.

It didn't stop once I belonged to Him. He hardly ever gives orders, He is more likely to say in passing that He likes something, or something interests Him and I will bring it too Him. There are times I get it wrong but it never upsets Him. He will just tell me that although He did not like what I did, He was pleased that I thought I was pleasing Him. He always made me feel safe in whatever new things W/we were doing. Maybe this is what gave me the courage to get a Brazilian wax.

I had overheard Mac mention to a friend that He was enticed by the bikini lines of lingerie models because they were always waxed. Mac's birthday was coming up and He was going away for a couple of days the week before it. I assumed that the waxing might be best done and given a day to rest before anyone come near me so having Him away seemed like a good idea. So I had it done the day He left.

I told Him that I had done it before He got His flight home. He went quiet on the phone and I had a dreadful moment where I thought that I had done something wrong. Then He told me what time He expected to be home and that I should be waiting for Him without panties on, and of course, I was.

There is something ever so sensual about being licked on bare skin there. His tongue felt rougher somehow, or maybe it was just that I was more sensitive. He would lick the skin around my cunt until I was begging for Him to touch my clitoris, and then He would make me cum and go back to licking around my cunt again. It took days before He got used to the way it felt and I really didn't mind letting Him feel it. I loved to jerk Him against me too, holding His cock so that His semen would spurt hotly onto the skin.

I have been getting waxes for nine months and I have to say it hardly bothers me at all now, apart from a little tingling just after it is done. Gosh I do adore walking around without panties afterwards. I can't help but smile to myself, like I have a naughty little secret that no one else knows about.

I have an appointment today.

I am smiling already.

Some days, it is just so worth waking up that I wish I could go back to sleep and wake up again. This morning when I woke I had Emma curled around me with my arms tangled around her and Mac snuggled in behind me almost wrapped around both of us. It was just delicious. There is something to be said about bisexuality when you wake feeling so much love.

I adore it when Mac and Emma are both in O/our bed. The way in which they contrast is delicious. Whenever Emma is there I just want to indulge myself in her. I love the feel of her, her gentleness and soft curves and gorgeous smell. She is so soft and tender and loving that I ache to touch her and stroke her and tease her to the point of tears just so I can kiss them from her face. I want to spend time curled up against her, caressing her and being caressed by her, whispering and giggling and just gently loving each other. I want to spend time tasting her tongue and kissing her breasts and making her moan with pleasure. I want to love her. I want to please her. I want to be the reason her body shakes so deliciously with desire.

And Mac is so demanding and rough. His body is all tight angles and muscles and that woodsy male smell. He bites and pulls and drags me into the positions He desires. He bruises me and stretches me with His cock and sends me to the point of tears so He can lick them from my face. I want to spend time pinned down by Him, His fingers pinching my nipples, His teeth marking my body, whimpering and aching and roughly loving each other. I want to spend time tasting His tongue and kissing His cock and making Him growl and grunt with pleasure. I want to love Him. I want to please Him. I want to be the reason His body shakes so deliciously with desire.

Having them together, Mac fucking me savagely while Emma softly kisses my face, Him biting my neck and shoulders while she gently sucks my tongue, Him grunting and growling while she mewls and whimpers with me is just so wickedly decadent. It's like having raw hungry greedy sex combined with gentle loving filling sex, like having it all rolled up together and gosh, it makes me feel like a totally spoiled little girl.

While Emma was showering this morning, I jumped on Mac who was still lying in the bed, being a slug. I kissed Him and I thanked Him and He asked me what for. I told Him thankyou for Emma and for last night and for all pleasure W/we gave and took. He laughed and said 'Oh yeah, I forgot. I let Emma in O/our bed just for you.' I grinned at Him.

Emma is the only other woman Mac has come inside since Mac and I have been together. The only time Mac is with Emma is when I am there too. He was upfront with Emma about this from the beginning and it works for U/s to be this way. He loves Emma, as do I, but He is not Emma's One. She understands this and is happy with it and W/we will all keep enjoying it until it needs to change.

I have given some thought as to why Mac chooses not to be with other women and I think I have an idea of some of the reasons.

The first is that Mac has had sex with a lot of women. So many that He lost count long before W/we met. He played on a national sporting team and the team had groupies that would do just about anything, some things I am sure that I don't even know about. He got to a stage in His early 20's when He decided that to have the sex, He really should want the woman, and He lives by that today. The woman He wants right now is me. I think in a way, He even sees Emma as an extension of me, as do I. She is a person in her own right, it is just that Emma and I are very entwined, almost like two kittens that are constantly tangled around each other. That's how we are when we are together.

The second reason is because He feels it would damage U/us. Whilst He enjoys watching me pleasure men and take pleasure in pleasing them, He understands that I would not enjoy seeing other women pleasuring Him. I think this is an ownership thing. He owns me, and is secure in His ownership but I do not own Him and would see other women pleasing Him as a threat to me.

The third reason is because of His instinct to protect me. When there are other people around Mac remains in control at all times. He is aware of where everyone is and what everyone is doing and if He were indulging Himself in other women then His attention would be diverted. I place my trust in Him to keep me safe, and I don't think Mac would ever forgive Himself if He failed to do that.

I am sure there are things I have missed. I am sure Mac could point out other reasons, or, more likely, He would just say 'I don't sleep with other women because I don't want too.' That thought just made me smile.

I know I am a very lucky girl.

I feel kind of emotionally drained after the weekend W/we had, with Mac coming home and the whole Tony thing and everything I thought and felt. I would like to thank you all for the wonderful comments and support and belief in me. It means a lot to me to know that I am not alone in the way I feel. Mac tells me all the time that other women feel the same way I do, but at the same time, He suggests that it isn't wise to talk about these things with my friends. I know from experience He is right.

I have been thinking about collars this past week, because, well, I don't have one. That's not to say I am not 'collared' and all the things that means, it just means I do not wear a collar. W/we have play collars, which are great when used for sex. It puts me in a wicked state of mind to be wearing one and know that Mac is in control, but they are just for sex and usually only used when others are involved.

The reason I don't have His collar is really very simple. Things just kind of kept happening naturally for U/us, without much thought going into anything. I submitted to Him before either of U/us understood. W/we slipped into the relationship when neither of U/us had been expecting it. I became His sex slave because it seemed the natural role for me to take. W/we even just kind of moved in together.

I was over at His apartment one day because He was working from some files He had there. It was getting close to dinnertime and I went to His freezer and the contents were:
1 quart bottle of vodka (empty)
1 quart bottle of vodka (full)
1 quart bottle of gin (full)

So I threw the empty bottle in the bin, grabbed the two full bottles and told Him I was going to my place and He could follow when He got hungry. He tossed the files He was working on into a bag and arrived at my place ten minutes after I did and never sort of went back, except to clean out what was left there when the lease was up. When His mother started ringing my place before trying to call Him at His, W/we decided it was official and started calling it home.

As for being collared, W/we talked about it once and decided that W/we didn't need such things because W/we knew I belonged to Him, there was no need to formalise it. Then one night, months later, W/we were out on a sexual adventure, when one of the men there asked if I was collared. I told him I wasn't, but that I did belong to Mac. Mac had overheard this exchange and to the both of U/us it felt kind of weird. It wasn't really wrong, but it was strange and I knew it was playing on His mind, as it was mine.

W/we were driving home and I turned to Him and asked if I was collared. He said yes and it felt right. He asked if I wanted a ceremony and I had a mental cringe at the idea of U/us standing around saying things that W/we know and understand and no one else would get. Don't get me wrong, I have been to some beautiful ceremonies, weddings, collarings, commitment ceremonies, and I am sure people could tell me some of the wonderful things they did for their ceremony, it just isn't exactly U/us. So I said I really didn't want one and I think I saw the slightest look of relief. Since then, it has just been accepted between U/us and W/we never really talked about it again.

So why do I find myself suddenly wishing I had a collar? Mac loves me, I belong to Him, and nothing has changed. Do I want one because of the wonderful things I have been reading about collars on other blogs? Do I want it because while Mac was away last week I looked around this place and realised there was nothing of His that I could call mine? Do I want it because of the whole lusting Tony thing and I feel a need to show I belong to Mac? Is it simply just hormonal and will it go away in a few days time? Maybe it is just a combination of all these things that I am feeling and maybe, I just feel it is time.

As for the sexual collars, there is something that is deliciously arousing about being naked accept for the collar on my neck and the chain He is holding. I remember one day Mac had put a collar on both Emma and I and we both had chains attached and I was lying with Emma while Mac held the chains. Mac had already come inside me once and inside Emma once and He was lying next to us watching us kiss and lick and giggle with each other. I used my fingers to stroke her clitoris until she whimpered and shuddered and came. Then we would lick my fingers clean and she would do the same to me.

Mac pulled on the chains and we both looked at Him and He called us insatiable sluts. Emma and I both grinned at Him and crawled across the bed to Him as He pulled us in by the leashes. We both tried to kiss Mac, both our tongues reaching for His mouth so that He wasn't sure which of us He was really kissing and we both squirmed our bodies against Him and we both reached for His cock. Our hands fumbled over each other in an effort to jerk Mac and He growled at our impatience. He gripped my collar and pulled my head back to bite at my neck and Emma moved to slip her mouth around His cock. He kissed and bit and raped my mouth with His tongue controlling my movements just with His fingers under the collar and He pulled the chain tight controlling Emma's movements too. He came with His tongue in my mouth and His cock in Emma's and when He let us go Emma and I were both grinning happily. Emma moved up the bed and she kissed me and I could taste Mac's semen on her tongue. Mac pulled Emma's leash and she went to Him and kissed Him and then He pulled me to Him and He kissed me too and He settled us on either side of Him and told us to go to sleep. Much later after a lot more kissing, W/we did.

Hmmm, I wonder what Emma is doing tonight?

I am a good girl. I must be a good girl because He says I am a good girl. I please Him. This is what I want to be, what I crave to be. A good girl. His good girl.

I had a moment last night where I horrified myself, terrified myself and thought that I had let U/us and Him down.

I had masturbated after I had written yesterday's post and I had imagined Tony again and I had come. After Mac had read the post, He asked if I had masturbated, I said I had and He had asked me what I had thought of. In O/our relationship there is no orgasm restrictions. I am allowed to come as often as I want, for as long as I want, as long as I tell Him the truth about what I was thinking of when I masturbated. This is not always an easy thing to do. Yesterday, I told Him I had thought of Tony. He told me that He had been thinking of Tony and I too. W/we talked about it some more and Mac still felt that if I saw Tony again, I should make him come. I asked Mac if that was something He wanted me to do, and His answer was this:

'What I want is for you not to want him any more. I don't want you to stay away from him because you want him so much. I want you not to want him. I know if I said one word you would shun him completely, instant obedience, but you would wonder, secretly, and come thinking of his pleasure and his lust but when you have had it, you won't want it any more, you will just want Mine. Only insecure men would forbid you to see a rival. I take the view, 'he won't last longer than one orgasm'. So have him, get over it.'

I asked if it would bother Him if I made Tony come.

'God no, what would bother me would be if you pined for him for a long time because I denied you, or if you made him come and then fell for him. I don't think you will. I am your One. If you gave me the choice of 'did you lust him or not' I would have chosen not, but it happened, so I am dealing with it and controlling it.'

I asked if it were to happen again, would He still want to know about it.

'Yes. I can't deal with what I don't know and I promised you that I would take care of you. I have to know, to do that.'

I felt bad for putting Him through this. I felt wrong and wicked, like I didn't deserve Him and here He was, holding me and loving me and I let Him.

Later as He was getting ready to go to the gym I told Him I wanted to fuck. He pointed out that I always wanted to fuck and I laughed and He threw me onto the bed and pulled my panties from me and He licked me and sucked me and bit me. He was vicious with His tongue and teeth and I writhed and I screamed and I begged for more. After I had come for the third time He stopped and looked at me, grinning evilly. He said He was going to the gym and that I was to masturbate while He was gone and that I would tell Him what I had thought about when He was getting ready for dinner. (Business dinner, with clients, no partners.) As He grabbed His gym bag His phone rang and after He had been speaking to them for five minutes I whispered in his ear that I could have come three more times by now. He frowned at me and I grinned at Him and He pretended I wasn't there. Five minutes later again I whispered 'five times' and shook His head at me and I was giggling as He hung up the phone.

He said 'six times', and He looked at His watch and He looked at His gym bag and He looked at me and asked why I wasn't masturbating. I told Him it was because He hadn't left yet. He stood at the edge of the bed and He said 'Do it, and tell me the very first thought that fills your mind when you do.'

The only thought that filled my mind was my Male standing over me, watching my fingers run over my swollen clitoris while His erection bulged in His pants, telling me to 'do it' and I told Him so. He asked if I would like to have Tony watching me too and I felt so confused. A part of me wanted that, to have another man watching me indulge myself, to have another man desire me, another cock to please and take pleasure in and a part of me was horrified that I could want someone else there after the discussion W/we had had. I told Mac I didn't know the right answer and He pressed on and asked me if He should tell me to unzip Tony and I pleaded with Him not to ask. He looked at me for a moment, then He told me to do it and He wove a delicious story in my imagination of a man who desired me, whose cock throbbed at the very thought of me and I wanted to please him and take pleasure from him and Mac let him fuck my mouth and fill me with semen and I came thinking of this man's desire and I came thinking of this man's pleasure in me and I came as Mac told me to take this man's pleasure again. I came and I cried and I came again. And again. I was sobbing and shaking and Mac put His cock in my mouth and gave me His pleasure and the sounds of Him growling and grunting and the feel of semen spilling into my mouth filled me and I came once more.

And then it was quiet and I felt so much shame and so much guilt and I wanted to run away and hide from the world and most of all from Mac. He saw how scared I was and He didn't understand and He wouldn't let me go until I told Him. How could I want Tony? How could I come thinking of Tony's semen in my mouth? How could I be such a dirty little girl?

Mac held me tighter and asked me if I had come thinking of Tony and the truth was that I didn't. It wasn't Tony, or any man really, it was just the growls and grunts and groans of pleasure, it was just an anonymous cock spurting into my mouth. It was just me, pleasing him, any him.

Mac held me tighter still and pointed out that it wasn't that I was making a man shudder and come that was making me come, it was that I was pleasing, that I was desired, that I was a good girl. And He was right, I crave to be a good girl, it's what I want to be, it's what drives me to please. But am I a good girl? I was lying in my lover's arms, fingers sticky, body shaking, tears running down my face, my mouth still hot from His semen and my hair sweaty from the thoughts of someone else's cock. How can this be good?

Then Mac told me that I was a good girl, that I pleased Him and that I could be as pleasing as I liked because I have my One to protect me, even from me. I cried and He stroked my hair and whispered to me the sweetest of words and held me until I was calm.

I had to push Him out the door to go to dinner. He wanted to stay and make sure I was ok. I was ok, sort of. I was full of Him being pleased with me, full of being His good girl, but there were still doubts. Am I the only one that needs this? Am I the only one that feels this desperate need to please? Is there anyone else that is filled by the words, 'you please me, you are a good girl'? Does anyone reading this really understand?

Mac got home late and when I woke I heard Him getting a glass of water. I snuck out into the kitchen and stood quietly in the doorway. He was undressed and I loved watching Him move around with the only light coming from the refrigerator. He spotted me and He smiled and it was like the whole world brightened.

'Come to bed with me?' I whispered
'Will Tony have to budge up?' He grinned at me as He walked towards me.
'Who's Tony?' I asked innocently.
He chuckled and kissed me on the forehead and I stood on tiptoe to reach His lips. He groaned as my tongue entered His mouth and He picked me up and carried me to O/our bed.

I pleased Him again. I am a good girl.

When I started this blog, I promised Mac and I that I would be honest. I also said that I would show U/us faults and all. That means that I should write about what happened last night even though I cringe when I think about it.

Last night I lusted another man. I can hear you all gasping in horror. (Not.) Of course I lust other men, on Monday night I sucked off a guy with Emma in an alley. You all know I am not an angel. But this was different. This was lust for a man, not just his cock.

I went out for a few after work drinks with some friends. There was a guy there I had never met before, Tony. Tony is very good looking. Built body, nice face, deep brown eyes and he had all the obnoxiousness that goes along with the looks. He was very much a 'God I am so gorgeous, every woman wants me', type guy. Apart from appreciating a good-looking male, I was not really all that interested. He tried to speak to me and I was a little bit short with him. That did not impress him at all and he got quite arrogant and his comebacks were sharp without being nasty and he made me laugh and he laughed too. People had drifted into their own conversations and he took me by complete surprise by asking if I had ever had sex with someone I hated, 'you know, the type of raw hungry sex where you just fuck out of sheer spite?' and my cunt clenched and I started to throb and I wanted him. He knew I had taken the bait and he did the one thing that would make me want him more. He walked away. He went and talked to some other people and I watched, narrow eyed, as he flirted with some girls. One of the girls I was talking with mentioned that she had been spanked the night before and Tony overheard and come back to ask if anyone had seen the movie 'Secretary' and I was the only one that had. We talked back and forth about what a good movie it had been and someone asked if it was porn. I said it wasn't and Tony asked how could I say that it wasn't porn when it was so erotic.

People fell off into their own conversations again and suddenly it was just the two of us talking quietly. He asked about a boy friend and I told him a little about Mac, that I loved Him and adored Him and W/we had a good relationship. I so desperately wished that Mac were there. I needed Mac to hide behind, to stop me from feeling the sheer lust for this guy. Tony asked if I had always had S&M fantasies and I wanted so much to tell him about me. My cunt was throbbing, my breasts were aching and I wanted nothing more to be on my knees, slowly jerking His cock, while telling this man what a bad girl I really am. I wanted to make him desire me, and moan for me and come because of me. I didn't want to fuck him, I had no need to take any pleasure in him, I just wanted to make him feel me. I wanted to please him. I wanted him to grunt with lust and I wanted to feel his semen spurt across my face. Then I wanted to make him do it again.

So I looked at him and I licked my lips and I quietly told him that his question was out of bounds. He asked what else was out of bounds and I told him that it was too hard to blanket such things. He nodded and moved away again and not long after, he left without even a goodbye. I stayed another hour or so, squirming uncomfortably against the wetness of my panties, feeling a little silly for acting like a panting schoolgirl while he had been there, and then I went home.

I was really surprised to find Mac waiting for me. He had managed to get a fight home earlier than expected and I was so happy to see Him. He hadn't called, as He had wanted to surprise me and had I have been much longer, He would have come looking for me. I threw myself at Him and wrapped myself around Him and because of the absolute ferocity of my greeting, He asked me what was wrong.

I told Him. Everything. And He listened attentively while I told Him everything. And then He told me His assessment of the situation. He felt that Tony posed no threat to U/us and if I felt a desire to make him come, then I had His permission to do so. If I saw Tony again and felt no desire for him, then I should do nothing. I pouted and I whined and I told Him that I wanted Him to tell me no. He asked if I wanted Him to be jealous and indignant, and that wasn't it at all. I know that Mac felt a little jealousy. I also know that a part of Him wanted to grab me and hold me close and not allow Tony near me and usually knowing he feels this is enough to make me feel right, but this time I wanted Him to actually do it. I wanted Him to hide me away from the feelings I had, I wanted Him to tell me not to feel that way. I wanted Mac to make it stop.

Wisely enough, He said He couldn't do that. I cannot use Him to hide from what I feel. He doesn't want me to long for Tony's pleasure and wonder what it would be like. He feels that if I desire it, I should have it. He believes I would be back quick enough. It still wasn't what I wanted Him to say, but I did understand why He said it.

W/we talked about the blog and my latest entries and W/we both smiled remembering that first time He had fucked my mouth. He was aroused, both by the memory and by the fact that I wanted nothing more than to please a male I was attracted too. He sees that as a very feminine trait and it appeals to His masculinity.

He told me to kneel and show Him exactly what it was that I wanted to do to Tony. I took His cock from His pants and I stroked it while I told Him how I like to be slapped and bitten and used. How hard I come when I have been whipped and the welts on my tits and pussy have been licked clean of blood. How much I enjoy fucking man after man until each has slaked His lust inside me. And how much the pain just enhances the pleasure I feel. Mac came in huge gushing spurts that landed hotly against my upturned face and I felt very small, very adored and very pleased with myself.

W/we showered together and went to bed and had deliciously raw sex with my fingernails digging into His back and His teeth bruising the skin on my breasts and W/we both came shudderingly.

I woke this morning and snuggled up with Mac and marvelled at just how good that feels. I watched Him while He slept and I thought about how much of an ass Tony was when I first met him and how easily I can forgive jerkiness when my cunt is made to clench and how quickly I lose interest once my lust has been slaked. I do wonder if Tony could make my cunt clench again but somehow I don't think he will. Still, he made for some great sex.

Mac is home. My breasts are sore. Life is just perfect again.

I have a story about the first time I told Mac I loved Him. This is inspired by wench's comment on yesterday's post below where she shared the first time she said 'I love you' to her Majesty.

Just over two years ago I had just split with a long-term boyfriend and Mac's relationship with His girlfriend had finished with a lot of unresolved issues. W/we were talking on O/our own one night, discussing the how hard it is to move forward from a relationship when the other partner doesn't want to let go when Mac told me I was in love with Him. He told me I had been in love with Him for months. I was shocked. I was not in love with Mac! How could He say such a thing? He asked me if I could have anything in the world, anything at all, right now, what would it be? And I suddenly knew He was right. I was in love with Him. I told Him I couldn't tell Him what I really wanted because if I did O/our friendship would change. He kissed me on the cheek and told me I was lovely and He left.

I told a close girlfriend what Mac had said and she smiled and said she knew. I was shocked again. How could she know when I didn't know? Apparently everyone knew, it had been a great topic of conversation when Mac and I were not around. 'What is she going to do?' 'What is He going to do?' 'Will they get together?' I was horrified that everyone knew except me!

I went home and wrote Mac an email about how wrong He had it and that I wasn't in love with Him. When I saw Him next He said that there was no need for me to have done that, He knew the truth perfectly well. I was embarrassed and ashamed and in the end I said to Him that I would only tell Him this once, and I said 'I love You.' I told Him that I wouldn't moon over Him and I wouldn't get mean with Him and that I expected O/our friendship would go on the same. He told me that things were messed up for Him and if He felt the same way about me the timing wouldn't be right, but that He would look after my heart until I asked for it back. He also said one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. 'Having you love me is the nicest thing that has happened to me in a long time.'

O/our friendship continued to be close. W/we had a lot of respect for each other. Then I started seeing the 'dom' guy and Mac and His girlfriend worked things out and they moved away from O/our friends to try and make it work and W/we just fell out of touch. Except when my relationship broke down, Mac let me cry on His shoulder, and when the next one did too He held my hand again and when I decided no more relationships for 3 months He teased me that I would fall in love within two weeks. It was 9 months later before I admitted to being in love with another man. Strangely enough, it was still Mac. In all I waited 15 months to hear Him say 'I love you' back to me.

And to think, He says I have little patience.

Thank you wench, for making me remember that. I am missing Him awfully. We have not spoken for 48 hours due to time differences and all night flights and full days of meetings.

Something quick I was thinking about last night. When I became Mac's I disliked oral sex. It really didn't turn me on at all. The thing I did like about oral sex was the fact that it didn't turn me on. It meant that when I sucked His cock, the only pleasure I was getting from it was His pleasure. I told Mac this after the first time He had held my head to take His orgasm. He said that He would remember that and try not to take advantage of the fact that I would do this to please Him. I told Him He had better take advantage of it often or I would not be a happy girl.

The first time I ever sucked on Mac, as He was about to come He told me not to swallow. He filled my mouth to overflowing with hot semen and then completely surprised me by kissing me and taking it from me. He pushed me to my back and knelt between my legs and while He looked at me He let His semen fall from His mouth to my clitoris. Then He licked me and I came almost immediately.

For weeks afterward I would masturbate with that image in my head. I would see Him watching me while His semen dribbled to my cunt and I would come and come and come again.

I think I need to ring His boss and tell them it's time for Him to come home.